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Updated 6-jun;8,7-may;15,9,2-apr-2001
Fox Kids, Dark Horse Entertainment, et al. Developed by Richard Raynis, Duane Capizzi, Jeff Kline; execP Mike Richardson, Richard Raynis. Co-exec prod Jeff Kline, supv prod Duane Capizzi, prod Frank Squillace. Based on comics and characters created by Frank Miller and Geof Darrow. See also: "Project G.eeK.eR." (1996), "Extreme Ghostbusters" (1997), "Men in Black: the Series" (1997), "Godzilla: the Series" (1998), "Roughnecks: Starship Troopers Chronicles" (2000).
Rated TV-Y7-FV, originally aired on FoxKids Saturdays sep-oct 1999, was dropped (possibly due to executive policy against gun-centric violence, in which it luxuriates; see "Beast Machines Transformers"), then revived weekdays starting late jan-2001 (possibly due to the sacking of said executive).
Watch the skies coming at you: a hero of metal hue. He locks horns with disaster for the red and white and blue. Then was born a boy robot; miracle of science. Ready to battle large monsters; supercharged, and (garble) (garble) pretty darn good but he needs help... The Big Guy he's a (garbled) heart of gold and fists of steel. Clobbering, he (garble) deeds, with Rusty at his heel. (garbled) they're a mighty team. The boy robot lives his dream: to be a legend in history the Big Guy and Rusty.
(Several clarifications provided by Ryan Hill, www.horriblepain.com)
(Cast list and spellings from www.epguides.com)
BGY-11 BIG GUY - Twelve feet of all-American patriotic metallurgy, white with blue trim; our first line of defense against superpowered threats, foreign or domestic. Is based on the "S.S. _Dark Horse_" aircraft carrier and flies the custom "Legion One" aircraft (and a submarine variant). Always ready with a quip and a smile for the newscrews, or "big candy" for the bad guys. Cobalt-thorium power core. Equipped with multiple integral weapons: a welding-capable forehead beam, folding guns and missiles in each arm, smaller guns in each forearm, a 3-barrel rotary cannon and missiles in the left shoulder, torpedoes in the left elbow, knockout gas sprayer in a right finger. Foot jets provide extended flight capability. Capable of both space and deep-sea submerged operation (with ducted fans in the ankles).
Lieutenant DUANE HUNTER - Officially, Big Guy's chief mechanic; secretly, his pilot. Is gradually warming to his new partner, Rusty, but can still be annoyed by his impetuous nature, and tends to relegate him to secondary duty in any engagement.
RUSTY - Short, big-headed ("ultra-aerodynamic") nucleoproton-powered robot created by Dr.Erica Slate of Quark Industries, with full AI and human emotion grid, as a replacement for Big Guy. The BGY-11 Commission decided the boy needed "seasoning," however, and assigned the Big Guy as his mentor. Enthusiastic but impetuous, superpowered but inexperienced, Rusty is prone to sulk when he seems to go unappreciated.
Doctor ERICA SLATE - Slim, dark-haired Quark engineer; Rusty's creator. Is sometimes overprotective and usually unprepared for his emotional outbursts. Accidentally discovered Hunter's secret, and was brought into the confidence of the Big Guy's pit crew.
Doctor AXEL DONOVAN - Mean-spirited, profit-hungry, self-important new CEO of Quark Industries. Not above presenting an employee's lifework at a conference if said employee is incapacitated. Rarely seen without Jenny perched on his shoulder.
JENNY - A sentient monkey usually to be found on Dr.Donovan's shoulder, sharing a joke at the expense of a Quark employee. Has a well-developed sense of self-preservation.
The LEGION EX MACHINA - a cabal of six humaniform robots, creator unknown, who believe machines should rule the world. Infiltrated Gilder at Quark to steal nucleoproton fuel for the Big Guy-scale robot ARG-12 "Argos," then built the hundred-meter A-12000 upgrade.
The BGY PIT CREW (#2 the melanic guy GRANT, the old guy MACK, and the freckled blonde JO) - Aboard Big Guy's secret converted aircraft carrier base (the S.S. _DARK HORSE_), this group shares the secret of the BGY-11, and keep it and his ancillary equipment (including his airship, LEGEND ONE, a submarine, and an Osprey-style VTOL aircraft) running.
General THORNTON - member of the BGY Commission and Hunter's direct superior.
Doctor GILDER (aka NUMBER SIX) - An engineer at Quark and undercover member of the Legion Ex Machina. Slouched and furtive, has abused his connections to advance his vendetta against Donovan, who keeps grinding his robots.
DARLENE HUNTER and JEFFY - Duane Hunter's only sister and her son.
Doctor LESTER - Quark engineer, female, blonde, creator of the Spartacus T-7000.
The EP-327 "EARL" - An unsuccessful Boy Robot prototype, with similar physical capability but less advanced programming: an underdeveloped emotion grid, extremely literal, incapable of accepting revised orders or recall, and savagely militaristic.
Doctor ROLAND POINDEXTER - Considered the father of robotic intelligence, he was the technical head of the BGY-11 Project until his AI plans failed to work. Pressured by alien invaders, the Project chose the human pilot alternative, and he left, taking the plans.
(Corrections obtained from www.epguides.com)
For ten years, America has been protected from any number of alien invasions by the US Army's BGY-11 robot, darling of the media and deliverer of lines like, "No not-of-this-Earth surgical-probe-wielding invaders are gonna deprive this nation's children of even one glass of wholesome, bone-nourishing milk!" [Said cow-snatchers are the SQUILACHI, named in #117 "Patriot Games".] But now, the Big Guy's being decommissioned and replaced by a diminutive, AI-driven nucleoproton-driven robot called Rusty. In fact, Big Guy was merely a "fancy tank" secretly piloted by LT.DUANE HUNTER, and only now has Quark Industries been able to deliver on its original promise: a true robot. Rusty's debut has been rushed by Quark's new CEO, DR.AXEL DONOVAN (and his talking monkey, JENNY), over the objections of his builder, DR.ERICA SLATE, that he's not fully trained.
Then a giant grey wasp-waisted ogre-like creature dubbed "The Annihilator" drops from the sky and terrorizes New Tronic City. The enthusiastic Rusty is immediately dispatched -- by Quark, and by the monster. (SPLAT. Fortunately, he has no pain receptors.) The BGY-11 team rushes to retrieve Big Guy's parts from the museum -- efforts noted by the disconsolate Rusty, who's cheered by the prospect of working with his hero. "The Big Guy works alone," insists Hunter flatly. "How would *he* know?" wonders the boy robot.
Reassembled, repowered, and reunited with his dirigible-shaped custom assault ship, Big Guy launches from his aircraft carrier base. Despite his best efforts, however, the Annihilator is resistant to his weapons. And despite *his* best efforts, Rusty just can't aim straight. Having jettisoned his alien-ooze-corroded forearm ("Sometimes a soldier's gotta say a farewell to arms"), Big Guy grabs Rusty, pops off his feet, and plugs him into the socket. A devastating barrage of nucleoprotonic power finally dissolves the invader. "Thank Henry Ford for standardized parts," he quips before rushing off without speaking to the adoring Rusty.
Days later, the BGY-11 Committee officially recommissions Big Guy -- but the commanding general informs the reluctant Hunter he'll be taking on a new partner. "I can't believe we'll be working together!" gushes Rusty when beckoned over. "Neither can I, kid. Neither can I."
GENERAL THORNTON is heading for THE FORT when his helicopter is sideswiped by an unidentified robot, Big Guy-sized. It lands and regards the assembled troops and tanks with an impassive cyclopean stare. "Attention military personnel. Designation A-R-G-twelve requests location coordinates for Designation B-G-Y-eleven." "The Big Guy's location is classified!" returns the troop's commander. "Your noncompliance is acknowledged. Prepare for termination." Guns unfold from its arms.
At QUARK TOWER, RUSTY is wearing a mask. "Batman and Robin are cartoon characters, Rusty," his creator, DOCTOR ERICA SLATE, tells him. "You're real." "A real *robot*," he points out, and insists that to be a good sidekick he has to spend more time with the BIG GUY and learn his moves. "The Big Guy needs his private time," she explains as they walk down the corridor. "He requires more maintenance than you do." Rusty notices XL-103, another robot, standing in the corridor. DOCTOR DONOVAN and XL-103's creator, DOCTOR GILDER, exit a room, Gilder begging, but Donovan and his monkey, JENNY, are insistent; XL-103 is malfunctioning junk and has cost the company dearly. Defeated, Gilder leads the robot through a pair of heavy doors into an adjacent chamber -- ES tries to hustle Rusty away, but he curiously follows. He watches as XL-103 rides a convey belt to a platform, waves goodbye sadly. Averting his eyes, Gilder slams his palm to a big red button -- and XL-103 is demolished by the crusher. Rusty watches in horror. "XL-103 must've been very bad, right?" he asks ES. "No, he was just a little out of whack," explains Donovan nastily. "So we whacked 'im! Ha!" adds Jenny, and they stroll off laughing. Rusty is shocked by their brutality.
At the fort, an empty helicopter explodes under ARG-12's fire, followed by a tank (after its crew scrambles out). "You are granted a final opportunity to provide the location of the robot known as: the Big Guy," it says. "You want him, you got him!" says Thornton, triggering the BIG GUY SIGNAL.
On the S.S. _DARK HORSE_ aircraft carrier, LIEUTENANT DUANE HUNTER scrambles into the BGY-11, then walks the suit onto LEGEND ONE, its airship. He launches.
At Quark, ES is recharging Rusty's NUCLEOPROTONIC POWER PACK. He asks for her promise that she'll never throw *him* in the grinder. She assures him that "you're not like other robots" -- it would take a "megaton of punishment" to damage him. Suddenly, his belt buckle flashes with the BGsig. He stands up on the table and is stopped short by the power tubing. "C'mon, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go!" he jogs impatiently. She uncouples him and he flies off to the exit chimney. ES warns him to be careful, but he's confident. "Don't need to -- megaton of punishment, remember?"
L1 arrives at the Fort and hovers. Rusty arrives, hovers beneath -- and is knocked aside when the ventral doors open for BG's egress. "One sidekick reporting for duty, Big Guy!" he says eagerly. Inside, DH rolls his eyes. "Lucky me," he says. On the external circuit, he tells Rusty to stay back, watch and learn.
He lands and confronts ARG-12. "You've done some major damage here, chief. Name your make and manufacturer." "BGY-11, you are granted one opportunity to join the Legion Ex Machina in the campaign against humankind." "No deals, hotshot. I pledge alliegance to only one flag." ARG-12 acknowledges his noncompliance, and opens fire with a pair of shoulder guns. BG unfolds his arms to return fire, while Rusty cheers from above. "Sock it too him, Big Guy. And let me know when you want help, hey?"
ARG-12 fires a missile from a double forearm launcher, but BG grabs it from midair, and wrestles it to a reverse course; ARG-12 detonates it with the second rocket. BG emerges from the resulting smoke with a mighty uppercut. The top of ARG-12's head elevates to reveal a cranial flamethrower; BG responds with his own matching weapon. ARG-12 drops a tank on BG, driving him into the ground. "Now?" asks Rusty uncertainly. "Big Guy?" He emerges from the pavement beneath ARG-12, carrying him into the air. Rusty addresses the troops. "I bet he'll do one of his classic moves, like the servo scrambler." No; BG slams ARG against the hull of L1, then drops him. "The Titanic! Good one!" approves Rusty, whose offer of help is again rebuffed.
Back on the ground, BG unfolds a rotary cannon from his left shoulder, and pelts the fallen foe; then fires off a missile. Suddenly he staggers back, hit with a pair of green beams from within the smoke. "Whoa, same color rays as mine," notes Rusty. "Now, Big Guy?" he asks desperately as the larger robot falls to his knees. "Ugh," he grunts. "I'll take that as a yes," says the boy robot, who moves forward -- and is blasted back by a green beam from ARG's eye, slamming into a wall. "Musta been a megaton and a half," he says woozily.
ARG continues his assault on BG, and the meters inside are redlining. On a screen the PIT CREW report that the power core's about to breach. Suddenly, ARG-12 "ARGO" receives a recall notice; his power reserves are depleted; he unceremoniously breaks off the engagement and flies off. Rusty moves to BG's side and confirms he's all right. "Whew. I thought you mighta been outta whack." Suddenly, his ear starts to spark, and he claps an ear over it in horror. "Oh no."
Back on the _Dark Horse_, DH and the pit crew examine the recording of the battle. "/Ex machina/, 'from the machine'," they note; a new force with some serious robot competition. But why did he leave? "Only kills what he eats?" suggests Jo, the blonde.
In their SECRET BASE, the members of the LEGION EX MACHINA are called to order. They have a uniform appearance of sharp-featured hairless men, in white lab coat, boots and elbow-high rubber gloves; they're distinguished only by the variegated cyborg devices attached to their skulls. Eerily, they speak in the same voice, even as they express varied opinions. ARG-12 could have finished BG, but would have fully depleted his power, leaving him stranded and vulnerable to capture. They need more fuel, and turn to member NUMBER SIX: Dr.Gilder. He objects that stealing more nucleoprotons could jeopardize his cover, but they deem it a risk worth taking: the Big Guy is the sole impediment to their objectives.
At Quark, ES searches for Rusty, and Gilder slips into her lab. She finds him wandering the halls; he tries to hide the sparking ear, but the discharge switches to the other; when covered, it moves to his teeth. She brings him back to the lab to study, and he voices his fear of being ground-up like XL-103. "I'm too young to die. [...] It's not you I'm worried about; it's Dr.Donovan. I don't think he likes robots." She opens his chest and starts; his powerpack is cracked. "That bad robot did it," he explains excitedly; he had nucleoproton power, like me. She scoffs at the notion, and opens the charging vault to fetch a replacement pack -- and the device is gone.
An alarm goes off, and three robots crash through the wall into the lab. "Intruders!" they accuse ES and Rusty. No we're not, she points out; so they turn on each other. Donovan enters at a run. "Did they catch the -- d'oh!" as he notices the pile of twitching junk. He surveys the theft: not just a power pack, but the whole NUCLEOPROTON PUMP. "Pricey," chides Jenny. "Might have to dock your pay." It's ES's fault; why wasn't her robot on guard? She ignores the blame, and insists on the urgency of finding a new pack; Rusty is "hemorrhaging internally". He steps back in horror, betrayal on his face. "You promised you wouldn't tell! You lied!" he sobs, and flies out the chimney. "Baby needs his bottle," Jenny sneers.
At LXM HQ, ARG-12 is refueled from the stolen pump.
Rusty flies to the _Dark Horse_, where he sneaks past the pit crew (playing "go fish"). He approaches BG's maintenance chair, and pours out his tale of woe and plea for help; BG is the only one he trusts. "Big Guy? You awake?" he asks, rapping his unresponsive skull. The videoset on a nearby desk attracts footsteps, and Rusty hides in the kneehole. DH answers, then finds Rusty, who flies out in a panic. He asks ES to explain.
Outside, L1 flies up to Rusty, and BG invites Rusty aboard. They're going back to Quark; Rusty is surprised BG heard nothing he'd said. "You and Dr.Slate are in cahoots! I thought you were my friend!" He flees the ship to a nearby forest.
Descending into the forest, Rusty is grabbed from above. BG lands. "Shoulda known I couldn't outrun you," he tells his idol, defeatedly. "Just promise when they throw me in the grinder, they'll do it quick." BG sighs and repeats that he's not going into the grinder; they're trying to *save* him. "Honest?" asks Rusty, hope returning. "I swear on the red, white and blue--" begins BG, who's suddenly hit in the back with the green.
Argo extends the offer to Rusty, who repeats BG's refusal. He gathers his power to fire -- and is thrown back by the discharge. Oops. In response, Argo gathers power to his hands -- and is hit by a yellow beam. "Backup systems, check!" says BG, standing. "Likewise," says the recovered Argo. "Then let's rumba," replies BG. Argo unlimbers his guns, and BG tears them out. He lifts Argo overhead then tosses him, tearing through the tree cover. (Behind him, Rusty moves weakly, eyes, mouth and ears glowing.)
"Maybe you cut our last date short because you're a gas guzzler," taunts BG, enticing Argo to fire, evading; then drags him into the sky for aerial combat. "That's right; squander protons liberally!" but Argo finally snags him with a beam, and he crashes. Argo lands, and falls briefly to one knee. (The LXM warns: he's near depletion. Terminate BG by whatever means necessary.)
He pounds away with his eyebeam, and BG falls back, smoking. Rusty stumbles over, "No!" He hovers weakly, and presents his chest. "Hey, Mister A-R-G. Here," and he exposes his powerpack. "Take it. Go on: nucleoprotons. You want'em, you need'em." (The LXM orders him to take the pack, and destroy Rusty.) A claw extends from one fingertip and plucks out the pack: Rusty drops from the air. "Power pack disengaged. Sensory functions now operating via emergency battery," advises ES's voice. Argo swaps packs. (LXM reads: power at 92% and climbing.) Argo charges his hands. (Power at 110%? It's defective!) "Termination -- complete," announces Argo, and explodes. "Whacked 'im," says Rusty weakly. BG climbs to his feet and picks up the boy robot. "That you did. You did good, son."
Later, at LXM HQ, it's the perfect time to begin construction of the next prototype. And for Argo? Gilder stares disdainfully at the cracked head. "Toss'im in the grinder," he shrugs.
Aboard the _Dark Horse_, Rusty perches on BG's shoulder, chatting; he can't believe he ever doubted him and ES. "I'm such a bonehead. Oh, I forgot to show you my new pack," he adds, opening his chest. "Spiffy, huh?" There's no response. "Hello?" The four pit crew members stand by and smile.
The TELEPATHIC DYNAMO created by Doctor HIERONYMOUS NEUGOG [device and first name provided in #122 "Nephew of Neugog"] malfunctions, transforming him to a Hannibal Lecter-like insectoid beast that sucks the intelligence from noted geniuses.
Location: Qark Tower, day, the lab of DOCTOR NEUGOG. "It's fuzzy, but I'm getting a read. I'm seeing numbers." "Excellent guess, Dr.Neugog, seeing as how I'm a mathematician. You call this telepathy?" He cranks it up. "I'm getting a read. Words this time. Milk, eggs, cornflakes, and don't forget the ointment for your rash is driving you crazy." his patented dynamo. Spider falls into . Smoke. "Neugog, you're a menace." "Hey, smart guy. I smell something yummy. It's -- your -- *brain*." Framed certificates of excellence in science.
Aboard DH, Grant and Jo weild r "It's catching on, lt, everyone's got ltitle robot pals these days." "Some of us don't have a choice, Mack."
B.G.Y. Project. Finger hole, turns guiltily. Arm pops off. Agreement, no websurfing w/o permission, or past power-down time. Wanted to know if he had a website. She looks at what he found, and orders him off to target practice. Huh? Sits down at classified mil db. Superstructure authorized. AI declined, footage of tests. "How many fingers am I holding up?" asks Mack. "Thursday." Phase III: Human Factor: Authorized. Hatch. "Big Guy, we hardly know you."
Dr.Ellerby, DONOVAN waves hand before face. Picture of health CAT scan doc, no signs trauma. supposed to repr Quark at sci conf tom., brain waves gone. "A buffet of brains, smarth ones"
Dictates whispers to herself, not a robot as world believes, "bit an exosuit, piloted from within by a human pilot. Concerned how might affect Rusty" could crash his human emotion grid. Dilemma: tell him. He enters, sees pic: "Are you and lt.Duane sending pictures to each other over the Internet?" Well, uh "Whoa. You guys have a luvvv connection. Is that what you wanted to tell me?" Saved by emerg light. clears screen
Donovan "it was like a spider, but bigger" "bigger than a breadbox?" J "you wish" "bigger than big guy?" d. Rusty arrive, then slate, scout till arrive flies into fhole in tube. L1 launch.
Alarm aboard DH.
In airshaft, sees him in another. X-fuiles music. "I don't smell anything." "That's cause I don't smell." "You have no brain!" "I was Dr.Neugog before I evolved." "You can chew on a little move the BG calls the wazoo whopper" smack! He falls out into conf rm. Neugog, D reacts. "Good recon, son" "little tight for me. I'll smoke him out with a party favor." L hand. rocket. Sends R off. "Big Guy? You be careful in there."
Pops out of roof vent. "Sounds like you can use a lozenge, one for each mouth." Guns "Another robot. Great." wraps arms with tentacles, moves over. "Wait, I smell something squizhing." Not whet appetite, leaves. Lifts arm to fire, but N turns on him orders gun down. Orders him to find brain, a brilliant one.
ES inves his lab, brain augmentation. BG crash thru wall. "Brain..." he moans.
On roof, BG brings protesting ES to N. "Hmm. Brimming with theorems, peppered with formulas." Tongue emerges. "Lt Hunter, snap out of it." R arrives, distatcting N. R carries her down shaft. By time recover, he's gone. Radios into base for tech check -- and an aspirin. "Dont' be embarrassed me and BG had to save you, Dr.Slate. YOu're a girl. Me an BG are robots."
Meets at lib. Dr N's telepathy rig, modified to descramble. So safe from brain drain -- or mind control, she adds. "The big g can't afford to be vuln to N again." "I'm not sure I follow." "I think you do." "Umm, Erica-- " "Call me DS" "Maybe you're not clear on the" R window. Squints. "Blah blah. ""I don't understand a word they're saying. They must be speaking the language of love. Euh! I hope they don't kiss."
Land on DH in jumpjet. Flgiht crew waving in don't know, DH expln: think he's chf mech. Only GT, pit crew, BGY cmsn. And you. Not even Dr. Donovan? she asks. Not even Rusty -- GT's orders. Fine with her. "It's not an issue. The Big Guy is Rusty's hero. I've decided I -- I want to keep it that way." Pit crew 15-foot bug J. Tin man useless against it M. Time for Rusty solo? G. DH enters. "Dame on deck!" J yells, and try to conceal open acces. "Cool jets, guys. She knows." "You told her?" G "She wormed it out of 'im" J. "Good night, nurse" M, replacing cap. "Stow it" Asks them to take Erica's -- (cross arms) err, Dr Slate's -- plan. Sci Expo, largest gathering of minds in a decade.
Bionic chromosomes "Questions? No, thankyou very much." waving hands. J diaspproves Pres E's work as own. N confronts him. "You're looking good?" "so is your greaysb rain, right about now. Food for thought..."
"Jenny, do something, now!" leaps to crate "You're not really interested in his empty skull, are you. he jsut sponges off the brilliance of toehrs, everythody knows that." "I'm goign to drain him anwya." Why? I don't *like* you. Another sci enters -- trigonometry. Drops him. D runs.
ES fits helmet onto DH. Close. R arrives, sees. "It's a love boat! They're on their honeymoon!" L1 launches. R lands aboard. Secret.
t conf, N catches up with D. B crash throu floor, punch, R grabs. "Enjoy the show." "Your comb, sir." "Duh. BUh." "Oh boy." BG throws by tongue. R heads for exosed brain. Wahscks. "They don't get it. I'm scyhcin! UIh oh." Guns, no injury. Order destroy Boy Robot, then "Won't work. We're robots. We don't have brains. Not that we're stupid." Thrown into sphere, falls. Pops a L arm seal, sneaks in tentacles, finds his tel rig. Pit crew suggest eject, but R will see him! ES protests. Dn't care. DH sees R climbing out from under. "Can't. I'll be vulnerable. In plain sight... No, the kid'll come through." Pops hlemet off -- and R jams his head into N's mouth. tent retr, reseats helmet. R "sy hello to the bgy incendiary trigger device" r palm. R drops him. "syre you see it coming, you're spycchic. But there's not a darn thing you can do about it." ball. "Brain imed him," "That you did, kid"
Q, cerebarl download. "I'm sory, I think there's been a bit of consufiosn."Fem in Don, Don in Ellebery.
DH and ES in lab. Wondering why not eject. "You're a sci, drslate, you figure it out. " "Call me Erica." Gives her BG sig device. "Call me anytime. I mean, in the event of a plt-thretngi crise.s" Jewerly. Whoa, theyr'e going steady! says R outside.
Wrt Alexx Van Dyne, dir Nathan Chew
A Mars sample-return probe returns to Quark carrying an alien device (the DEMETRIUM AGGLOMERATOR) sought after by two teleporting aliens. It gloms things together. Hunter attempts to attend the birthday party of his nephew (son of his only sister DARLENE), JEFFY. Rusty takes the device as a gift, believing it to be locked in a vending machine. Hunter's convertible is seen. Jeffy is a Big Guy and Rusty fan.
Quark employee Doctor GILDER is revealed as NUMBER SIX of the LXM, and an android with a human emotion grid. The LXM's Project A TWELVE THOUSAND.
[The aircraft carrier is named; the S.S. _DARK HORSE_.]
The LXM's gigantic A-12000 steals a local power station to power its 500-megawatt vortex generator.
[The airship is named; LEGEND ONE. The electrical utility tunnels in Neutronic City have been disused since the introduction of micrfusion technology.]
To protect Earth against asteroids, Quark equips a space station (ORBITER ONE) with a huge missile, overseen by a female-voiced computer (EDIE). Edie goes renegade, and demands the UBIK CHIP, a unifying data control device that can interface with the generic Q99 CHIP, a ubiquitous microcontroller used across Earth; if not delivered, she'll use the asteroid buster to destroy the moon, raining total devastation across the planet.
The delivery team chosen is Dr.Slate (to install the chip) and Lt.Hunter (to pilot the shuttle); Big Guy is secreted abou the ship in dismantled form to evade Edie's scans. They have 48 hours to space-train Slate and for Hunter to practice assembling the BGY-11 in 18 minutes (normally a three-man, 25-minute job), the installation time of the Ubik chip.
[Big Guy's head alone weights half a ton.]
Rusty is upset that he'll never grow any taller, but discovers the SPARTACUS T-7000 robot built by DOCTOR LESTER. It lacks a head or brain (due to Donovan's bean-counters) and she happily transfers Rusty's head to it. He calls himself RUSS, convinces General Thornton he's ready to go solo, and gets his own secret base (a converted oil rig), airship, and chief mechanic (the BGY trio drew straws and Mack lost).
A gang of robotics thieves (led by a man called GAGE) hit Quark, and are approached by the LXM. They disable Russ and steal his body.
[Rusty is exactly four feet tall; 4'1" after Dr.Slate secretely installs elevator shoes. Quark hardware carries "corruption codes" in every circuit.]
The Legion steals Rusty's operating code, but he escapes through the Internet, pursued by Number Four, finally returning to Quark.
Wehre'd he go? Strange alien, blonde in red dress, talking tiger-furry with glasses who asks "age?". 8 in human years. "Quark bites! Moon Platoon rules!" "Off-topic. No Moon chat, I'm outie." They find him in chat room on internet.
Mack shows dvc. Hack into CMOS, trick into think job down.
"What do you look like?" "Like this." "We *are* together. What is *wrong* with you guys?" Ctrl-E. "This *is* the Web? I'm inside a chatroom? CONTROL-E, CONTROL-E!" Sees door, heads for - bumps into 4.
Stalks toward him. "You're a Legion Ex Machina guy." "Another Quarkie? Yo dude, Platooners only!" Zaps alien. Other flees, R follows, door vanishes before 4 can get thru. Ends up in router, full of tubes. "Surrender your logic circuit or prepare to short-circuit." Can't hurt me. Zaps with eye beam. Tries NP. "Your hardware exists outside this realm, Rusty, whereas I came prepared." Arm deleter rezzes-up. Ship asks for keyword. "Keyword, Magitech warriors, go!" Into casle, but 4 tagged along. Grabs him, pulls forehead open. "Interlopers! You trespass in the realm of Anthrax the Terrible. I shall smite thee into gristle!" whacks 4 into wall. Level 6 cybersorcerer. "Ooh, if I were at my computer, you'd be fairy-dust!" 4 zaps him, follows up stairs. Fireball, spiked cyl, mallet. Dragar the Loathesome. R impresd. Kywd: Quark!
Homing mech activated, but probelet chases DH, then ES. He kicks it. ES realizes upload them. "But we have real brains! Upload this!" Mack. Wrench, gun.
Q webpage. Pushes in. Firewall. "Well, I've got a pasword. Hypersonic!" Thud. "Scanning faceprint. Boy robot Rusty. User profile verified."
ES expln, atmpt to forge link tracer etc "I'M IN COMPOOTER" She turns to scrn. "How do you know it's him?" "He's a terrible speller"
R sees ES in VR. "It's a long story -- huh, that wasn't so long." ES finds him -- another virtual entity. "Looks like you." DH. Asks R for circuit code safekeeping. Hopes not ground. Can websurf anytime -- even after powerdown time. You're not! Changes to r. DH and ES see.
Realize will wipe out R's sare. ES enters word problem. It all slows down. DH asks: what? Monopolized every meg of pwer with a priority-one braintwister. A and J run in. She expln. "Rusty this, Rusty that. QUARK is losing roughly 32 thousand dollars per second" Refuses to do reboot, so J do it himself. ES - one hour. Need to establish intf with Q mainfram. Downastairs, reboot. ES use onboard comp for virtual BG. Twin Level One passcards to init boot. ES notif DH.
Inside, delete ray finally emerges -- and BG appears, grabs. "Big guy? How'd you get her?" "Science!" LXM notices. R, he has code. ES: use email with Q sec attachment to grab it like macnet. My ball, my ball! Time to floss some titanium teeth! Guns. ES hooking sw to wpns drive. "Then I guess I'll have to go digital -- as in a ten-digit steel knuckle sandwich!" 4 too agile. Breaks data strm - asks. Dangerous feedback loop. 4 upgrades deleter. tank "Say hello to kingdome come dot com!" blasts him into dstrm, vanish.
"A waste of software." "pity"
ES dl R back into body. "Hey, that tickles." Had this weird dream, suddenly susp -- how know real. "Ohhh. Then I guess you'll let me surf the web that way all the time." "Not a chance." "That's the Docto Slate I know. Hey, whaddya mean, not a chance?"
Reversing the LXM's strategy, Rusty is sent to siphon code from the latest Legion robot, but in cybercombat part of his OS is swapped with Number Four's -- including the plans for their next weapon, which he cobbles together at Quark. Four starts playing video games, has his head removed for a diagnostic, and flees Legion HQ. He's destroyed in battle, his head taken for analysis and Rusty's errant code returned.
DOCTOR ERICA SLATE of QUARK INDUSTRIES has developed a semi-intelligent ROBOGEL; its mobility has the side-effect of wiping surfaces sparkling clean. RUSTY is entranced by the cat-sized purple prototype, which is curled around ES's ankle, squeaking happily. Quark's avaricious CEO, DOCTOR DONOVAN, enters with ever-present monkey companion JENNY on his shoulder. Despite ES's protests that the robogel needs extensive testing, he sees profitable household applications, and declares a CODE THREE. A pair of techs in hazmat suits hustle in and confiscate the gel, stuff it into a container and retreat. "I have seen the future, Dr.Slate," Donovan says. "And it's so shiny," adds Jenny, "he can see his monkey in it."
TV ad: "Quark Industries, the people who brought you the Big Guy, now introduce the latest line of defense -- against dirt. It's Squeaky Gleem. Just pop open a can, and it does the rest! For the cleanest clean you've ever seen, it's more than clean, it's Squeaky Gleem! And remember, Squeaky Gleem leaves no unsightly residue." The ad shows a housewife uncorking a container from which a friendly purple blob leaps. It cleans a sink, does the dishes, washes the dog, and places a coaster beneath a drink. Donovan watches the ad, profits dancing in his eyes. "Jenny, I'm thinking of buying Guam."
Meanwhile, nearby NEW TRONIC CITY is being attacked by a giant plant. "Venus flytrap; unusual variety," remarks BIG GUY as he arrives on-scene. "So there *is* life on Venus," Rusty comments as he catches up. BG activates his FOREARM LAUNCHERS and fires a pair of missiles; "Looking for flies? Try *these* flying treats!" An oversized tendril grabs him from the air, and he chops away with his ROTARY CUTTER. Rusty is being slammed about, but retaliates. "Say hello to my green thumb!" he says, emulating his mentor's wisecracks, and fires off a NUCLEOPROTON BEAM.
Above, Donovan arrives in a chopper, and leans out the window with a megaphone. He's lining up celebrity testimonials. While he cajoles, BG retrieves an INCENDIARY GRENADE from his right palm and demolishes the plant. Striding back to his ship, LEGEND ONE, he demurs. "As much as I endorse free enterprise as one of the cornerstones of this great republic, the Big Guy name is not for sale." "Try it!" entreats Donovan, tossing out a can. It bounces off L1's moonroof, and Rusty retrieves it. "Celebrities!" Donovan comments in disgust to Jenny. "Maybe Seinfeld will do it," she answers.
Rusty has brought the container of Squeaky Gleem to ES, who's amazed that this "clone of the prototype" still recognizes her. Rusty has named it SQUEAKY, and asks if he can keep it as a pet. Colleague DOCTOR HUCKLE enters, and ES tries to evade his forward attempts to ask her out. He tries to impress her with his TEKKIE OF THE MONTH plaque. "It's nicely laminated," she says. He asks her out to the QUARK STOCKHOLDERS BALL (she hasn't responded to his 30 emails). She makes excuses, but he manages to get her to commit to a movie. (On the table, Squeaky is making jealous noises.) Huckle puts a hand on her shoulder, and Squeaky jumps at him, attacking. ES rescues him and stuffs the squirming blob into a clear container; she tells Rusty that if he wants Squeaky as a pet, he has to keep it contained.
Later, at the movie (a Godzilla-like monster flick), Huckle (in his tacky jacket) tries to get close to ES. Unseen, a HUGE RED-PURPLE BLOB oozes through an air vent and under their seats. His shoes stick. "Problem?" ES asks. "Sticky floor," he says, then notices. Movie patrons flee before the tidal wave (which leaves the theater shiny clean). Outside, ES pulls the BIG GUY SIGNAL DEVICE from her blouse and activates it. Huckle follows her into an alley, then back into the street.
The blob (which, they haven't quite noticed, is specifically targeting Huckle) is about to crash upon them -- when Big Guy flies through and grabs Huckle, then Slate. "Slate's dating this guy?" wonders pilot DUANE HUNTER. Rusty pushes the wave back, but is engulfed within, then spit out. BG hustles the two scientists into a taxi. He fires missiles into the blob, opening a hole in it. It throws Rusty against BG, then both against a brick wall, then leaves. (Rusty leaves a small dent inside the much larger BG-shaped dent.)
Inside the taxi, Huckle stammers congenialities to ES. "I -- hope we can do this again, Erica. Except for, uh, the killer blob part." They turn forward, just as the resurgent blob attacks the taxi.
The blob has stretched itself into a web between facing buildings, netting them. It engulfs the cab, fumbles with the door, pulls Huckle out and departs (leaving the taxi shiny). Down the street it opens a manhole and descends into the storm drain. Rusty volunteers to follow -- the opening is too small for BG. Undeterred, BG simply blasts it big enough. They drop into the arched tunnel. Puzzled, BG comments that a "slug" that big should leave an easily-followed slime trail -- but there's no residue at all.
Back at Quark, Rusty speaks to Squeaky. "It was big as a house and all blobby. Kinda like you... except it was mean." ES overhears, considers the similarities -- then discards the notion. DH enters and asks about Huckle (carefully phrasing his own sudden sense of semi-jealously). ES wonders why it was so interested in him. A ROBOT enters, handing ES her two tickets to the Stockholder's Ball. She doesn't want to go (she tells DH), but it's mandatory. DH stammers out a clumsy offer to escort her. She agrees, equally embarrassed. "It's -- not a date or anything," she mutually assures him. "You guys are going on a date?" asks Rusty (as always, intrigued by such gooey grown-up things). Unseen, Squeaky gets jealous.
At the convention center, Donovan welcomes the arriving stockholders. Jenny is perched on his shoulder as always, waving in unison -- but this time in makeup (blue eyeshadow, red lipgloss) and blue gown. "Keep smiling, dear," he reminds her, "best face forward for the stockholders." She growls at him. "You try making nicey-nice with your slip riding up."
On 19:00 on the night of the ball, DH (in tux) drives his convertible up to the front entrance of Quark Tower -- and is flabbergasted. ES is standing there, clutching her purse, in an elegant grey gown with yellow blooms at the hip -- and no glasses.
Across the city, in houses and stores, robogel escapes from cans of Squeaky Gleem.
At Quark, Squeaky is increasingly agitated in his glass box. Rusty promised he wouldn't -- but he supposes him can let it out for a little while. It immediately heads for the door. "So you wanna play tag?" he says, delighted. Out the building's front door, into the storm drain. "I can hear you wheezing-- huh?" says Rusty. He finds Huckle bound to the wall by a subset of webbing, Squeaky standing nearby. "Whoa. A whole mess of Squeakies," he says, impressed, then realizes: "You and your friends *are* the blob thing." The blob forms a giant fist and punches him into the floor.
DH and ES arrive curbside at the center. The lieutenant hands his car off to the valet, and offers his arm to ES. Behind them, a scouting tentacle emerges from the ornamental founting, and looks about.
The hall is decorated with banners depicting Quark's robotics projects (Big Guy, Rusty, the trio, XL-103). DH and ES stand there, awkward. "So, here we are," she says. "Yup," he agrees nervously. "Don't they have any of those little hog dog things?" Donovan apporaches. "Look, Four-Eyes found a date," sneers Jenny. "It's not a date!" they protest in unison. "I like these soirees," Jenny says nastily. "I'm not the only one in a monkey suit." Nearby, the blob oozes slowly through an air vent and probes cautiously.
In the drain, Rusty pulls the goo-webbing off Huckle, and zaps it.
At the ball, TV monitors are trumpeting the success of Squeaky Gleem: already a market leader, its projected sales growth unprecendented. A dowager asks Donovan how he ever devised Squeaky Gleem. "I have my methods," he evades. ES steps in. "I can vouch for that. He has very *oily* methods." The band (in powder-blue tuxes) starts a jazz piece. "Shall we...?" ES asks DH. "Go bowling?" "Dance." It switches to a slower number, and they consider each other uncertainly. (Nearby, the blob approaches, and bristles at them.) Donovan cuts in, a cover to dress-down ES for her attitude problem. (The tentacle stops, looks around, and zeroes in on Donovan.) DH calls THE PIT CREW on his celphone. "Guys, we have a party crasher. Send in the bouncer."
ES and DH consider the blob's behavior: it "doesn't like your gentlemen callers," DH summarizes. Donovan is thrown into an ice sculpture of Rusty. ES distracts the blob with a CO2 fire extinguisher while DH head out -- but the exit is jammed. He reports as much to the pit crew, who are outside in the OSPREY VTOL, Big Guy hanging beneath it. He directs them to the roof, and ascends himself by means of the curtain's counterweights. The blob follows (unblocking the doors, letting the crowd out) him through the air ducts. He reaches the end (pit crew member JO pulls off the grate) and vaults into BG's cockpit. The hatch seals just as the blob flows out after him. Inside, he pulls off his bowtie. Outside, it regards the robot curiously.
Outside, Donovan runs to ES to get her opinion, and she frantically warns him away. He gets the idea and, seeing the blob, backs off with a placating smile -- but it grabs him anyway. Jenny sees BG fly overhead. "Party's over. Time to slip into something more comfortable" says the monkey, and tears her gown in twain. "Likewise," agrees ES, donning her glasses. Rusty launches out of the fountain, compliments ES on her dress, and explands the Squeaky-Blob connection. ES realizes: it's jealous. From the ground, Jenny offers her opinion of ES's suitors. "I wouldn't get a swelled head. It *is* floor-cleaner."
The blob flows as a wave down the street, carrying Donovan. BG and Rusty pull loose a length of chain-link fence for "the old collander trick", straining Donovan from the mass; Rusty flies him to safety. Enraged, it attacks BG, bursting past the seals into the cockpit. "Swift, Hunter," DH berates himself. Rusty prepares to attack -- but ES stops him. She steps forward to confront the blob. "Release him. I'm very angry with you, all of you," she says sternly, crossing her arms. "Now come out of there, or you'll get no more love from me." Donovan scoofs. Tense seconds pass. "I'm waiting." Suddenly it oozes out of the cockpit, flows away from BG, and reverts into a crowd of plaintively-squeaking individuals, which ES orders back into their cans. Stunned, BG considers his own hull, now shiny brightly. "Whaddya know. The little guys really do one heck of a spitshine."
At the base, Big Guy is seated aboard the EPIC ONE, an experimental jet-shaped time machine; the first flight will be one hour into the future. Onscreen, Dr.Slate warns him of the dangers of veering off course, and assures him Rusty is back at Quark. He launches, and flies straight into a crosshair-marked slab [see: "Buckaraoo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension"], entering the time vortex. "Handles like a dream -- and has that new time-machine smell," he notes. Lightning arcs across the vortex and burns out the guidance system regulator; the plane starts to veer uncontrollably. Lt.Hunter climbs out of the Big Guy and moves aft, passing through a hatch into the engine hold; he trips over Rusty. There's a mutual "huh? what are you doing here?"; Hunter cuts off questions "before we land in King Arthur's court" [see: "A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court"]. The forward half of the fuselage breaks away, carrying Big Guy to unknown realms; Hunter grabs Rusty's ankle before he follows. He slips, and Hunter hits the hatch control, saving him. They'll mount a rescue mission later. He swaps out the regulator.
They drop out of the vortex and crash into a wall; Rusty ends up inside a console. Everything's fine; it's Tuesday, 21 May, one hour later, same Neutronic City -- then he opens the hatch. The skyscrapers are capped with bulbous alien structures, linked by looping transparent tubes; saucers fly overhead. The wreck attracts a crowd of onlookers dressed in frayed, patched clothing, wearing blinking metal neck manacles, and speaking with British accent and idiom. Suddenly, they scatter, averting their eyes.
One of the tubes debouches across the street, and from it emerge three squid-shaped creatures wearing fluid-filled glass helmets -- the SQUILACHI, whom Rusty identifies as the ones who keep trying to conquer Earth [see #101]. They cite "unauthorized transport... unauthorized automaton... illegal technology... where is your work collar?... subversion against the Grand Squilachi Empire," then pull their weapon sticks. Rusty shields Hunter from the fireballs; they fly into the tube. (Hunter rides piggyback, using Rusty's cowlick as a pommel.) "You had to go the only place fish can fly," he says when the Squilachi follow. "Hehehe," Rusty snickers, then "Oopsie" when he realizes it's not a joke. They come to a T-junction; Rusty blasts a hole and they exit; their pursuers follow courtesy of inertia (too bad for them).
By nightfall, following the city directory, they find Dr.Slate. She's laboring on a robot in an empty warehouse (disused factory?), and is immediately suspicious that Hunter's not wearing a work collar. "We know each other; at least in another timeline, we do," he explains, and calls in Rusty. "Dr.Slate? Euh, you're all scuzzy." He lets her peek inside his head; he's precisely what she's been trying to build.
Hunter explains that predicament while she scans Rusty, the results appearing on a huge screen. She guesses they crossed over from a parallel reality. She's never heard of this "Big Guy", but he resembles "Iron Jack, the clockwork titan who defended against the American revolt"; she brings up an archive woodcut. It's him! Hunter figures he fell from the vortex into the eighteenth century, someone found him, and "climbed inside and -- ", remembering Rusty, "uh, reprogrammed him." Iron Jack fought alongside the British at Lexington, Concord and Ft.Ticonderoga (battles the colonists originally won), then exploded at Bunker Hill, ending the conflict in favor of the British (a power core overload, Hunter diagnoses). With no US or US military, the Big Guy was never built to defend against the Squilachi.
At Hunter's request, Slate locates the impounded timeship: Grid 814. She volunteers to help repair it, and removes her collar. They enter a tunnel (Rusty confirms it's clear of "squishy-fishies"). The plan: "We find the ship and assess which of the damaged systems are mission-critical." They find it: "Or, the aliens could fix it for us." The missing forward fuselage has been replaced by Squilachi workmanship. Two guards enter, start firing. Hunter vaults into the cockpit, instantly comprehends the alien displays, and ignites the engine -- incinerating them. Slate won't come: "I'm confident you'll see to it none of this ever happened." They launch amid more guardfire. Hunter sets the controls for "Union [sic] Jack's first recorded appearance," the battle of Lexington and Conord, 19-april-1775.
They barely make it ("the ship's out of voltage"), crashing into the Massachusetts woods. Tugging at the seized hatch, Rusty crashes through the opposite wall, knocking the passing Paul Revere off his horse. Hunter stuffs the unconscious silversmith's tricorn hat onto Rusty, and sends him off to warn the towns. He reluctantly leaves, waving a lantern and yelling "the British are coming!". Hunter turns at the sound of marching: "Whaddya know; the kid's a psychic. Honored to meet you, Mr. Revere," he grunts, dragging him into the underbrush. He surprises a lagging redcoat, steals his uniform and joins the troop. Moments later, the commander calls a stop, and disciplines Hunter for his mussed uniform. Oddly, he then leaves, announcing that Iron Jack is approaching from the south. Hunter falls back and takes Revere's horse.
Meanwhile, Rusty successfully awakens Lexington, and the minutemen form up.
Hunter, still wearing the British uniform, is stopped by a militia ambush, and taken before General Washington. Just then a courier runs up, reporting they've been overwhelmed at Lexington; he's thrown in jail. Rusty follows, protesting: "but I'm not a redcoat! Hellooo, these are red *pants*." He notices Hunter, apologizes. "I coulda taken them easy -- but I didn't think Big Guy would want me zapping Americans." "How do you feel about zapping the wall?" "I'm comfortable with that". They fly away and are chased.
Iron Jack appears on a hillside and booms, "Get ye back, ye rebel rogues!" The colonials are shocked, then shoot; he fires a missile from his left forearm launcher, and they fall back. Rusty tries to speak to him, but IJ waves "the boy" away -- and tells DH to straighten his sword. He strides off, towing a cart of gunpowder bombs. "For king and country! I'll teach these thankless yanks to respect His Majesty!" He lights a bomb with a device in his left palm, and tosses them like hand grenades.
DH sends R to catch the bombs, while he leaps upon IJ's cape. "Take that, ye barefoot tatterdermalions!" IJ yells, as Rusty catches and blows out each fuse. "What's this then?" he asks, noticing DH tapping away at the lock keypad. He back into a tree, smashing DH, then picks him up. "You will suffer for your crimes, patriot! Knave, you will swear allegience to King George or--" DH interrupts him with a warning. "I know you're in there... beyond your understanding... without proper handling, the suit will explode." IJ's pilot disregards him, tosses him away, and punches the approaching R, sending him into the woods. He turns back: "Now, where is that rebel apostate?" Too late: DH has unlocked the hatch, and inside is -- the absent troop commander! "Nobody tells a lieutenant of the US military how to dress!" he scowls, punching out the redcoat.
Rusty wakes in a tree, a racoon on his head, and notices IJ stomping towards Concord. There the Redcoats await his arrival, facing off against the colonials. There he is, on the ridge! Rusty catches up and confronts him: "Hold it right there, Mister Sucker Punch!" The robot pulls off the hat, cape, and cuffs, assuring him he's back: "God bless America!" The British commander rushes between the two lines, orders his men to fire, then realizes where he is and ducks.
Rusty watches the exchange of fire, and asks: shouldn't they be helping the Americans? BG replies they are; just by standing back. Just then, a vortex opens in the sky, and out flies a Squilachi timeship, which lands and disgorges three troopers. "Our future must be preserved. Eliminate the Americans!" "Have to go mano-a-tentacle!" declares BG. R breaks the dome on the first. BG picks up another, hovers, and throws it against a large bell sitting by a foundry. "Let freedom ring!" he puns, firing an explosive disk from his right arm. He lands and inspects the now-cracked bell: "so that's how it happened." Rusty runs up: one got away.
The last Squilachi looms over the melee. "Americans, prepare to--!" Then BG intervenes, hurling it into the woods with a cry of "Airmail!" He turns to the soliders. "Don't mind the seafood; now fight amongst yourselves." It flees, and launches its ship. BG fires his left shoulder rotary cannon, destroying it as it enters the vortex.
The pair fly past overhead, and a soldier asks, "General Washington, sir? What are they?" Washington replies only: "Americans." In midair, Rusty asks after Lt.Hunter. "Time travel's a wily thing, son, but trust me: he'll be waiting for us back home." And how do they *get* home? They go meet Dr.Franklin.
Back in the present, Dr.Slate worries that the _Epic One_ is three minutes overdue. With a boom! it drops out of the sky and thuds to the ground. Bewildered by its Squilachi repairs, she watches as a kite flutters after it, trailing a metal key. The hatch bangs open and Rusty (still in tricorn hat) flies out to hug her. "You're not talking funny!" he cheers. "I'm not?" she asks, bemused. "Which means we're back in the good old US of A," says BG. "Kiss the ground, son."
Giant bug. GT. BG and R "I am Harddrive. Bear witness to my first campaign." Zap. "So ends Campaign Number One." Zooms off, as BG and R land.
QT, most likely Amer, not LXM, radically adv, 5-10y ahead of anyting we have - weapons anyway, looking at R playing with glove and ball. "I coulda got to that big bug first, if I had my own rocket ship." You can fly. "Didn't I just build you a NP surge protector" "That's all you ever make for me, boring stuff." flies back to a drum. "No turbo snowbomiel, tno cybernetic rescue dog, no invis submarine" Jenny, newest memb TEam Quark, Harley Griffin. "Monkey don't do warm and fuzzy" says J, leaving. Embrace. Engineer, special projts. R rushes over. "Rusty, this isn't about you." How bout I run it past my R&D guys. Another serious equp problm. Glove not probably borken in. At local
Mack pitches. "Oh, my lumbago!" ES and DH watch. Photo. Fiorst day of flight training, till start of BGY project. He quit jsut after start of ctro. He believed in superiority of hunans, pilote. So why a
Diner, story. Dress and wig on, corner, officers club Col."Tough as Nails" Sayles. 4mo KP for that stunt. Grant asleep. Code 3 from BGsig Mack. Run out. Calls for check.
Another giant bug in mall. New Tronic. Two targets confimed, radioactive on L1's scans. Rsuty pouts never gets to drive. "Attention mutant shoppers. I'm having a red white and blue special on bug repellent. In fact, I'm giving it away!" R blows hole in wall for people to exit. "A pair of piping hot sidewinders should make all sales final. Bk-facing guns. Easy defeat both. "Oh, he's good." "he's a ball-hog." Registered with US mil? 3rd bug gets BG. "Consider this a professional courstest" leaves. Dives into ocean, into sunken ship, base inside hull. HD log. Chest opens. "It's nearly time to prove once and for all that man and machine are superior to machine alone" -- by destroying the Big Guy.
BG patrol in L1, Grant. ES Mutant strain of rhinoceros beetles -- thus far, scouts. She guesses a colony, and there's a queen. Have to find before eggs. Satellite sweep: concentrated radn in NE -- consistent with foraging. BG call in R. "I'm off to crown a queen."
BGsig, and R tries to leave in LJ as ES enters. Missings chute, out thru rofof.
Griffin radar track, asks for BG's pos. ES enters. Rusty is *my* project. Not fielded tested Let him have some fun. Promises wont' happen again. She looks at his stn and sees the radar trk.
R flying, sets stabilizers (upside down) Wehre are the afterburners. Chutes, punching fists Crah thru office.
ES sneaks up, brks into "Harley Griffin Special Projects" and finds "Project: Hardrive" (one-R) plans.
HD zaps into L1 cockpit. It pauses. Fight on it. "Woo-hoo, Legend Junior to Legend One, lookee what I got". R chrahses into mt full of eggs. "Oh! It's all dinged." They start to hatch. BG and HD in canyon. "You need not concern yourself with the Bugs. i will protect the city." "With waht?" tries to crush arms. Guns.
"Turn over, you lousy hunk a junk. Oh, I'm sorry rocket, I didn't mean it." Fights bugs. Clobbers one with an egg -- which hatches. He gets glued to wall with spit. "Uh, you must be the queen."
Who programmed you. I did. I possess a human brain. Superiotyr "Griff? Time to see what you've got unde the hood, chief" Unfold saws. BG gets HD's saw. Thrown against wall, hd flies at, plants mine.
"So ends the final camp." "You don't know how right you are."Turns to look BG flies out, boom!
BG arrives, drives back queen, then soliders.
HD out of avalanche. Too many "We'll have to candygram the whole mountain, kid."
ES calls: scoop, HD pilot by HG. And thermite bomb in R's rocket. HD "humans possess one ability robots never will: the willingness to fight dirty ahen the situation dictates." detonator. HD, behnd you! A robot might fall for that-- falls out. Griff?-R. BG rolls gets him. Pulsls R out of LJ, tosses into mouth. GRabs fallen detonator, flies out, boom! Cliff collapses.
"Can we go over this once more?" R and ES . G inside a pretend robot "That outghta teach him to take on real robots like me an BG" "So since my rocket blew up, you'll build me that invisible subm I always righte, right?" "Absolutely not."
"Ft.Mille+ milit peneit" good behviour otu in ten. Good behavior in 10. Owe explan: expected him to quit BGY pojt when I did. Right for sticking it out. "Saved my life, even when I was trying to destroy him. No human woulda done that." "You'd be surprised, Griff."
Quark Tower, day: DONOVAN and JENNY eagerly stand by as A TECHNICIAN powers up "Quark's mass-market breakthrough," THE HVR PROTOTYPE. Jenny is skeptical: "that's what you said about your meat-flavored toothpaste." With a spill of vapor, the cabinet opens; the HVR is alive! And walking! Through the wall. Donovan and the tech chase after it.
Elsewhere in the corridors, RUSTY is strolling and whistling. He turns a corner, collides with someone, and falls on his rump. "Oops," he apologizes, "pardon-- me?" It's a second Rusty, with a wide grin. They both get up, introduce themselves. Visually, they differ only in the shape of the belt buckle: Rusty's has a stylized atom, and HVR has the Quark corporate logo.
They rush to DR.SLATE, who absently urges Rusty onto the exam table for a recharge; HVR hops up. After a few moments, she realizes the duplication, and is upset. "*I* didn't clone you, Rusty," she says, "but I can guess who did."
Donovan enters Slate's lab, composes himself, explains: "Opinion polls suggest Joe Consumer loves Rusty," and hence HVR -- HOME VERSION RUSTY. "Hey, my nose doesn't look like that," the original Rusty objects. "Does it?" Slate argues that Rusty's nucleoprotonic power is too dangerous for the public; "He may walk and talk like the original--" Donovan reassures her, "--but he runs on alkaline," finishes Jenny, opening his chest panel. Rusty grabs his new friend's hand, carries him up the exit chute, launches into the sky, lets go -- and HVR falls. The others watch from a window. "Think we should advertise the size of his impact crater?" asks Jenny.
TV ad: HVR does the dishes, takes in the groceries, teaches the kids *and* has accessories -- to mow the lawn, trim the hedges, wash the car, and clean up after the pet. "No smell receptors!" says HVR with a wink. He's a lamp, a portable icebox, a juicer, a home security system; a doorstop, paperweight and basketball. (The last three involve removing his head.) He even entertains! "He's sweet as pie, he's never mean, Home Version Rusty helps you clean. Batteries not included, some assembly required; incapable of flight or defeating monsters." Rusty jumps in excitement, and asks Slate: can we get one?
At a Neutronic City store, the boxed HVRs (priced at $39.95) are moving like hotcakes -- so the sales clerk tells a customer as she scans the barcode. She recommends the extended warrantee. "I think I am capable of any and all repairs," sniffs the customer -- the Legion Ex Machina's NUMBER THREE. Back at the LXM lair, the three examine the HVR, stripped of its outer covering and hooked to monitors. Its simplified neural net and commlink are readily receptive to their ultrabandwidth control beacon; but its anatomy is similar enough to the original that, with a bit of retooling, it can be converted to a weapon of destruction.
At a suburban home, HVR is cheerfully doing the dishes while the young owners watch TV. Unseen, he suddenly goes rigid, and his eyes roll. "Rusty, if you're done with the dishes, we're ready for that foot massage," calls the husband. "Okey-dokey. I'll trim your toenails too," he says, brandishing his hedge-trimmer attachment.
Rusty responds to the Big Guy Signal and rushes to the house, where an elderly Quark repairman is wrestling with HVR (sporting hammer and drill) on the lawn. "Hey, robots don't hurt humans!" he admonishes. "Okey-doke," agrees HVR, tackling Rusty. _Legend One_ arrives overhead, and Big Guy leaps out, tells the repairman he doesn't usually make house calls. "Big Guy, it's me!" calls Rusty. "Can't you tell? The nose!" BG pulls off HVR, who cheerily announces "I'm gonna destroy you and stuff." BG flicks his head with a finger; it pops loose on a spring. "That's why them call 'em knockoffs." HVR's teeth flash, and they overhear the LXM's call to assemble. "It's factory recall time!" BG declares, and they fly off over the city -- where thousands of HVRs are spilling out of houses into the streets.
Hundreds of HVRs march in formation. BG and R land ahead of them. "Parade's over, boys!" thunders BG, deploying his armguns. "Back it up and go on home!" They ignore him; Rusty tries. "Guys, it's me, Rusty Senior!" He deepens his voice. "I am your father." Still nothing. "Son, nothing personal," apologizes BG, and fires, destroying dozens of them. Behind him, twenty acrobatic HVRs have piled into kite shape, and fall upon him from above. "Wily little kamikazes," he mutters as they pound at him. Rusty charges his finger. "Okay, boys, eat -- umm, stuff!" For all the carnage, they're making little headway. They receive the BGsig.
At Quark, a swarm of HVRs are breaking into Slate's lab. They politely shove her aside, and go after the nucleoproton pump. She escapes into an air shaft. Elsewhere in the building, they're rounding up other employees and Donovan.
The LXM observe on a monitor. "Who would have imagined evil could have a face so -- cute?"
From a horizontal airshaft, Slate peers into a lab. Beneath, an HVR wearing a telescoping powerdriver unscrews the access panel, and she drops out. He advances, and she zaps him with some handy lab gear.
BG and Rusty arrive at Quark to find 20 HVRs on the roof, who attack with synchronized nucleoproton blasts. (In Slate's lab, hundreds queue up to get a NPPP swapout and charging.) "Too many! Fall back, son!" BG declares. They hover beside the building -- and find HVRs filling every window. "Your buddies have a spiffy new clubhouse, complete with hostages." They see Slate escape onto a lower roof, pursued by an NP-charged HVR; she comes up short against the parapet -- and Rusty snatches her into the air, while BG stomps the HVR flat.
Back on the _Dark Horse_, Slate examines the flattened carcass. "There's no override chip -- flat or otherwise." Hence, the LXM must be remote-controlling them. GRANT presents them with an EMP grenade, which will burn out the circuits of any HVR within 300 yards -- about the height of Quark Tower. They'll have to place it at the tower's center -- but how will they infiltrate it?, Rusty objects. "I guess someone'll have to go undercover," BG explains. "Who?" Everyone groans. "For the love of mike." "Me?" asks Rusty, genuinely surprised. "But how am I gonna sneak past all of them? My *nose*?"
The NP retrofit will be complete within an hour. The combined power will be enough to annihiliate Neutronic City in a human heartbeat.
Rusty scales the side of the tower, carefully avoiding the windows, and enters an A/C vent. He enters a corridor (marked "1247 JANITOR CLOSET") and tries to blend in with the HVRs on unknown errands. A large hippack covers his belt buckle. He takes an elevator, and reports back when he reaches the executive lounge. (Slate reminds him to be 301 yards away when the pulse bomb goes off.) The lounge is full of HVRs. He sneaks into a corner, pulls the bomb from the pack, and starts to set the timer-- and is confronted. They accept him, but: "Gotta be a reject, though. His nose is all wrong." He reacts badly to this slur, and they realize their mistake. "Imposter! Get him!" (With contact terminated, BG heads in.) R crawls out from beneath a huge pile of HVRs.
Arriving at the roof, BG leaps from L1 and tosses a pair of grenades. "Candygram for the lollipop guild!" He crashes into the executive lounge, and is attacked /en masse/. Suddenly, they cease the assault and leave (the retrofit is complete). "I don't think they're breaking for naptime."
They line the perimeter of the roof; Rusty has again infiltrated them. Still wearing the pulse bomb, he sets the timer at 60 seconds. (The LXM orders: forge the link! The former site of Neutronic City will be a fine site to build Robotopia.) The HVRs join hands, and launch.
BG follows. "Still no sign of Rusty or the grenade," he reports. "Unless..." he begins a frequency search of the chain; too slow. "Rusty! Are you down there, son?" he calls. "Yes!" they all answer. "For the love of mike," "Big Guy?" one responds. He yanks that one from the chain. "Had the right idea, son," he says, noticing the bomb, "but I think we can manage without losing you." He pulls it loose and tosses it into the center of the HVRs, who've formed into a ring over the city, charging for a combined assault. Boom!
The LXM sigh over their failure.
An alien, PO THE ANNIHILATOR, arrives on Earth and demands single combat with Earth's champion, or he'll destroy the planet. Big Guy accepts and is defeated; Lt.Hunter ejects, unnoticed, and Po takes his new trophy back to his ship. Rusty is incensed/betrayed that no one will stage a rescue mission, and rushes off on his own. He learns Po is just a small alien in a big suit, and retrieves the inactive BGY-11, but Po returns, demanding: his trophy or the planet. Big Guy and Rusty tag-team him, while Dr.Slate and the pit crew board his saucer and suborn its main gun for the knock-out punch.
Rocket base. Quantum computer online. DNA scan. 2 genetic patterns, one alien, one viral. Rock shakes. Sci next to it falls over, pox. 2nd and 3rd run over, fall. Alien orange hops out, walks.
BGbase. Frank Miller Spc Ctr 2hr ago. Thornton repts to Slate DH and 3. Very sick, contagious -- can't move. Perim, then 2mi away -- the carrier. Img of alien. Slate and Creatur'es ABs maybe synth antidote to cure. BG: DNA sequenced by spce ctr, needed to adapt AB to humans. But code to unlock cmp are uncoscnous. Heavily armed auto def sys -- w/ robot drones. Need onsite download dual ctrls. BG and R eac get half.
Caves, 3, microbe desnity spiking. Find crea. Touch -- falls. Skin! Find huge version.
LegendOne, T rpts: growth spurt. BG needed, R rpt back to Q. One robot short. "Might I suggest these?" Trio. "Donovan, this is serious!" R sugg Earl, EP327, the "mil kid" (who decap'd BG). "Earl's not a bad robot." D "He's just a little misunderstood." J. ES -- no time to rpgm. Too good at following orders -- obey R?
Throws R. Recog T as auth fig. "You will recog FC Rusty as your superior." Objects. REams him out. RS warns him: OS not as adv, very literal. Be careful how you prhase things. Leave. T to RS: DC expecting her in field. Osprey. Dr.Peyton. Quaratntine zone, canyons. DH to S, who reminds: need living. Seals hold. Up. Tranquilizers. "Thick skin." Stomp, tunnel, fly, grabpple. Breaks line, knocks out thru wall. Crack in left lens, breach, inf. Crea looms over. Passes out.
Nudge nose. Walks off.
R and E to base. Trouble orders. Suspicious. EyeCam, drone rolls out, 3cannon. Doors shut. More, walls and ceil. Lasers. "I order you to help me defeat the drones!" Grabs R, uses him as rifle. "compnensating for his imferior tgtng sw"
T and army. Q barrier.
peyton takes DH, E stays and takes BG. GARTH, 2nd in cmd, don't have 15 min. Talk thru.
R and E enter the download center, extend fingertip dataprobes, and begin the synchronized download.
Slate powers up the BGY-11. Thornton calls, expecting to see Hunter. He warns her that the alien is approaching population, and antidote or not, they'll have to destroy it if it gets too close.
The download is complete, but the drones are ganging up outside the door. E wants to fight, but R reminds him it's more important to return with the DNA data quickly. "Hide in a corner!" Nothing. "I *order* you to hide in a corner!" Rusty hides behind a console, while Earl hovers in the room's center, his head spinning, searching for a corner. Smoke drifts from his ears and his eyes flash. "Corner does not compute!" With horror, Rusty realizes it's a *circular* room. E loses power, R flies up behind him -- and he resets. "EP-327 ready for duty! Defense mode!" He shoulder-throws R and attacks the drones, then leaves -- taking his half of the DNA sequence. "I order you to come back! EARL!"
In flight, S receives a call from R. "I think I broke Earl's brain!" She explains: he gave an impossible command, so E reset. He has to find E and prevent him from attacking the alien.
The alien approaches the army, guarding a population center; T reluctantly initiates an airstrike. BG flies at it -- and misses, skidding across the desert floor. "For the love of Mary," he groans. He gets up, flies back to the alien, hits it in the belly; knocked over, he drags it away from the defensive line. T aborts the strike. The alien tail-slams BG into a canyone wall. Slate is growing frustrated. "All right, precious. I think I call this one, the clopchopper!" It gets BG with its tongue. Garth concurs: use the CRANIAL BLASTER.
R vs E.
Slate looks around the cockpit. "Anything nonlethal around here?" She's advised to use the control marked "Party Favor". Panels open on the back of each hand, and missiles fire. "Here's a little patriotic number I like to call Rocket's Red Glare!" Fireworks erupt.
Still fighting R, E interprets the fireworks as a distress signal. "Comrade under enemy fire! Reinforcements, hut, hut!" R follows, urging him not to harm the alien.
The creature spits green slime all over BG. "Nail it; you've got a clear shot," Slate is advised. "Yes," she replies. "I can see your belly button! Baby's got a cold." She lands on the supine creature's belly and starts scratching it. E arrives and prepares to destroy it -- and R shoots off his head. "We've got to get Earl's noggin back to Dr.Slate! And mine!" he tells BG.
In a base camp tent, Slate watches a news report showing the alien being loaded aboard a ship to be launched back into space. She stands by a bed containing the comatose Lt.Hunter, now recovered. He awakes. "So once again all is well thanks to a team of extraordinatry doctors and thanks to the Big Guy; seen here utilizing unusual battle tactics." Footage of BG scratching the creature's belly. "Did I--?" Hunter asks. "Who's been sitting in *my* chair?"
[Where did they get the alien to begin with? Where are they sending it, now that it's *not* embedded in rock?]
wrt Roger S.H.Schulman, dir Chap Yaep; co-exec prod Jeff Kline, supv prod Duane Capizzi, prod Frank Squillace
Dr.Donovan's portly and arrogant nephew PIERRE wanders into a restricted area of Quark, looking for parts for his science project. He finds Dr.Neugog's TELEPATHIC DYNAMO, applies it to himself, and is disappointed to sense no difference -- until he wanders into the corridor, ignores the snack machines, and notices a Quark scientist. "You're a nuclear physicist, aren't you?" he says, smacking his lips." I can smell it on your brain!" Revealing a tongue mutated into a gross mind-stealing tentacle, he drains the victim's intelligence, leaving him gibbering on the floor: "Guh. Buh. Duh."
Upon finding the victim, the immediate fear is that Neugog has escaped. Slate sends Rusty to check on him in maximum-security lockdown, kept 50 yards from any human. While she watches on cameras, Rusty and Neugog taunt across the transparent wall of the cell. "You can't read my mind; I don't have one." Neugog senses intense psychokinetic vibrations that signal the presence of another like him; but why is he willing to help? "A charlatan is stealing my thunder, as well as my victims." He bargains to be transferred out the cell, and shares with Rusty a secret: the Big Guy is not a robot. (Elsewhere, Slate gasps.) "You must think I was built yesterday," Rusty laughs. "I'm not a robot either; look, there's a hamster on a wheel right here," pointing at his head.
Meanwhile, Pierre cuts a swatch of braindrain through the building, then leaves. Later, in the city, he senses a stakeout around a book signing (by DOCTOR WEIRDMORE), and gets Slate. Rusty and the Big Guy arrive and pursue him to a nearby lot of tanker trucks, cornering him. "I have places to go, sweetbreads to eat!" In frustration, his forehead pulses. "My cranium brims with psychokinetic energy beyond all comprehension! Except my own, of course." He tosses a truck at Big Guy and flies away.
Back at Quark, they resort to using Neugog as a compass. He's wheeled out onto the roof, strapped to a tracked vehicle, muzzled. The Big Guy confronts him: "It is my duty to inform you that in the event you decide to pull a fast one, the boy robot has preselected a thematically appropriate classic maneuver, to be administered by me." Neugog gives him a direction and he flies off, warning Rusty: "If he ticks, clock him!" There are no susceptible humans in range, so he calls out some lab rats to enter the release code; but he gives Rusty a chance to aid him. "You're just trying to confuse me! Shut your mouth. Mouths. Sir." He escapes.
Meanwhile, the Big Guy crashes into bar mitzvah. Sorry; wrong address, citizens. Mazeltov." He returns to Quark and they follow Neugog, reasoning that both he and Pierre will head for the same maximally-tasty brain.
At the local telescopic observatory, Pierre arrives to feed on the astronomer -- but Neugog's ready to eat him, too. P throws a console, and they trade genius barbs; then N tries to siphon P. "Boys, it seems you've both had a little too much to think," says the arriving Big Guy. P throws B and N, and R squares off versus P, B vs. N. R gives a knuckle-noogie to P, then is thrown into the wall (where the occipital point of his skull sticks). B fires his right forearm and left shoulder weapons. R tempts P with N's brain. N falls, then R clobbers P with the telescope.
Back at Quark, the cerebral download to all the victims is a success, but Pierre is shocked by his shaved head.
Quark is bringing an undersea geothermal plant online, feeding from the nine-mile-deep Aleutian trench. While Donovan and Slate monitor from the station, PUGSLEY inspects the feed in a minisub. A pair of jellyfish-squid-creatures swim up, squirm into the sub, and attack him.
The minisub returns through the moon pool (getting Donovan's llama-skin loafers wet), and Pugsley reports in an odd monotone. A jelly-creature crawls out, and Slate electrocutes it. Unseen, a second peers out of Pugsley's collar.
Donovan congratulates himself in his luxurious pipe organ-equipped quarters as Jenny (in an apron) brings him his coffee (half-decaf semidry cappucino with extra foam). Feeling underappreciated, she adds extra ingredients to his chiopino soup (fur, chili-peper extract). Meanwhile, a jelly crawls in, engulfs Donovan in its body, emits a slime-puddle that forms itself into a duplicate, and leaves. Jenny notes his odd behavior, and the broken coffee cup.
In the lab, Slate studies the jelly, identifies it as prehistoric, and guesses the plant's heat must've thawed it out (recording her observations on holocam). She's spooked by a noise beyond the porthole -- but it's just Rusty, gone AWOL to visit. She meets him at the moonpool, briefs him, returns to the lab -- the specimen has escaped its bell jar, and attacks from the ceiling. It engulfs her, Rusty pulls it off, it gets *him*, then he zaps it. Slate doesn't think it escaped on its own.
At the moonpool, Donovan is carried off. Slate and Rusty arrive and overhear Pugsley and Donovan, discussing a Leviathan. Noting that Donovan's unstirred by his wet loafers, she activates the Big Guy signal. Jellies attack! While Rusty zaps a few, Slate is duplicated, and she deactivates him. The feedpipe detaches.
Big Guy arrives in his sub, gets wet (activating ankle fanjets), and is met by Donovan and Slate (and is immediately suspicious of Donovan's cordiality). Slate explains Rusty is offline due to the extreme pressure. He reattaches the feedpipe, and a jelly gets in; he stuns it with a CO2 extinguisher. Returning to the control chamber, they ignore his questions. "Donovan said thank you? And he's working? And where's the monkey?" He notices Rusty's powerpack on a table, insists that he be reactivated; Donovan attacks. He and the other three crew mutate into blobs immune to his weapons fire; their wounds instantly close, and they merge into one creature. He steps out and welds the hatch shut.
Going to the lab, he opens Rusty's chest to replace the powerpack -- and finds Jenny stuffed inside. "How do I know you're not one of them?" he asks. "I have a *personality*, dingaling." She gives him the recorder chip Slate slipped to her just before her capture. Rusty identifies it as a P55 chip, slots it into his head, and projects the holomessage through his eyes.
Slate explains the infestation and her belief that the jellies are symbiotically linked to a larger organism, a primordial leviathan. She sabotaged the station in an attempt to slow their progress; should they escape the abyss, they might spread to the surface. The geothermal turbine must be destroyed. "Help us, Big Guy; you're our only hope."
The station's sonar detects something big. Jenny stays aboard, searching for the victims, while Rusty (with swimfins) and the Big Guy exit and plant explosives (torpedoes and mines from the sub) at the edge of the abyss. They abort the detonation when Rusty notices a jelly swimming by with Jenny in tow; the victims must be *within* the leviathan. Rusty slips inside the creature (a hybrid of angler fish and squid, with clawed arms) while Big Guy grabs its tentacles, dragging it back into the abyss. His hull is failing when Rusty emerges; the Boy Robot tows him in addition. They detonate the charges, and the station collapses with the ledge, taking the duplicates. "Goldie, consider yourself flushed."
Aboard the Big Guy sub, Donovan laments the loss of the station and (when Jenny reminds him) the slime on his loafers.
[Rusty is full of P55 chips. The design of his powerpack has changed since 102. The BGY-11 has a control panel on its left wrist, and a detonation timer and switch on the back of its right hand. The rack of four torpedoes in its right elbow might be an underwater option.]
wrt Alexx Van Dyne, dir Andy Thom; co-exec prod Jeff Kline, supv prod Duane Capizzi, prod Frank Squillace
Location: the Congo, Africa. Two bearded British-accented zoologists in khaki and pith helmets are exploring in the region that DOCTOR FREDERICK MERTZ, a man obsessed with vanishing species, vanished the prior year. They come across a huge simian footprint -- and then their quonset hut is crushed by a thirty-foot two-headed gorilla.
At Quark, Gen.Thornton briefs Lt.Hunter and Dr.Slate. "We don't know why it destroyed the outpost," he finishes. "Or why it's thirty feet tall and sporting dual craniums," adds Hunter. Eavesdropping, Dr.Donovan plots ("ah, the sound of greedy gears grinding" comments Jenny) to obtain whatever induced the mutation; imagine the possibilities ("Hey! only room for *one* pretty head on these shoulders"), giant cows with three udders, twenty times the steak, thirty times the dairy -- and imagine the pigs. He volunteers his "expertise" to Thornton, who sensibly refuses.
On the trip in Legend One, Rusty babbles excitedly to Big Guy about the movie "Jungle Boy of the Jungle". They arrive, and find the tracks ("Magilla left a trail to boot") -- while behind them a camera rises from the bushes. Elsewhere, a shadow orders "Release Lulu!" and a giant yellow "viper" attacks, winding 'round Big Guy. Rusty notices a control collar clipped to its tail, and is then knocked flying: over a cliff, brained by a boulder, over a waterfall. Meanwhile, the Big Guy launches, slamming the snake into the ground; he spins it, and the collar pops off. "Everything I know I learned in the Boy Scouts," he finishes, knotting it to a tree. He starts looking for Rusty.
Elsewhere, a troop of chimpanzees have found Rusty washed up the riverbank. They throw rocks at the strange shape, and Rusty awakes; his internal monitor reports "memory core malfunction" and he starts to fixate on the chimps. When Big Guy flies overhead, the troop scatters into the trees -- and Rusty follows.
When Hunter reports to Slate, she determines his tracer is offline and his OS must be severely compromised. She'll come to scan in person -- and Donovan plots to tag along.
Big Guy returns to the gorilla search, and follows its tracks into the river. He's attacked by big yellow leeches -- and then a *really* big one. His gunfire has no effect, but a punch to the underbelly nets him a remote control implant. "They're mutations -- *and* puppets."
Slate arrives in a prop plane, and Big Guy shows her the gizmo. Then a Quark copter arrives and disgorges Donovan (in hat, bandana, vest and safari shorts) and his three robot guards. "I brought help," he explains. "You call my hillbilly cousins *help*?" No, he means "-- Indiana Jenny!" Who promptly complains of insect bites and the humidity's effect on her hair. "Jungle schmungle, I'm a city primate!" Donovan follows in a van body carried as a litter by the trio, and kicks her out when she tries to join him in "roughing it". "Much as I hate leaving you with Moe, Larry, Curly, Shemp, and Bonzo," Big Guy says to Slate, "we can cover more ground if we split up."
Trying to gain the troop's acceptance, Rusty climbs a tree. The chimps swing on vines to the next, and encourage him to follow. He does so, slams into the tree, and falls to the jungle floor. Suddenly, the giant gorilla passes through, and they flee (Rusty gets stomped on); it grabs one chimp. "Mama!" Rusty cries, and vine-swings after.
At a crumbling stone temple, the chimp is secured to a tilted metal bench amid mad scientist gear. It transpires that the gorilla is the missing Dr.Mertz, who comments to his fellow head, "we must keep our simian self refreshed with primate D-N-Ape, lest you find yourself once again with a human on your back." He turns to the chimp, preparing the genetic transfer. "What's yours is mine and, well, I'm selfish." Rusty then swings in, crashes into the far wall, and fall across the equipment.
Jenny no luck, S Scanner crashed. D's foot massager, too. About to flip switch, points, zaps -- out wall, S sees. S and D-3 arrive. "Flee, flee!" And the 3 detect fleas on Bobo, throw down, start picking. R not recog S. "Me Rusty, you Slate?" She BGsig. Ape speak, S recog? as "Dr.Mertz?"
"The only monster is mankind, and the only way to protect the animal kingdom was to make it deadlier than man via my mutation formula!" "You hear that, a mutation formula?" Need leadership, simple RC dvc. Conquering army. Imperssed by talking Jenny. Origin: "Finally, someone who cares. It all started when, as a small monkey, I found myself-- Oh well, some other time."
"Double chin clopchop!" R resists rep mem circ. Pulls his pwe pack. Opens head. While D and J look for mutn formula in papers. Awakes. Comes for BG, who's swung, whap! Tree, and mem core malf again. D sprays bottle, "Dr.D, you know I only wear patchouli--" and grows. "Eureka!" Bigger than bldg, Mertz notices. "Stop Mertz! S. "What, and risk breaking a nail?" Salutes "Appreciate the diversionary tactic, superchimp!"
"on a press junket ASAP. You're the ideal testimonial for -- Farmer Donovan's Mondo Breakfast Links. Among other sundry items." Payback. Picks up. Puts him on her shoulder. "Who's roughing it now, monkey-boy?"
wrt David Slack, dir Dave Bullock; co-exec prod Jeff Kline, supv prod Duane Capizzi, prod Frank Squillace
In the city, the Big Guy uses his Mass Transit Piledriver to defeat the LXM's ARX-90 (ie he throws a bus at it). At LXM HQ, they've obtained the original plans of the BGY-11, and have built an exact duplicate.
At Quark, Slate explains that analysis of salvaged Legion hardware hasn't revealed the location of the HQ, who created them, or how they might be defeated. Rusty asks if Slate is his mother; she explains that robots don't need two parents. For Big Guy, she brings up a picture of DOCTOR ROLAND POINDEXTER, considered the father of robotic intelligence; but he retired partway through construction and went into seclusion.
The LXM activates the 11-X's cobalt-thorium power core and AI circuits, and review its three directives: to destroy and replace the BGY-11, to access all classified Quark and military data, and (to maintain its guise) to protect humankind against all threats (except the LXM).
The Big Guy is dispatched against an LXM bogey in the desert, and stepping out of Legend One, is attacked by five STEALTH DRONES. They're ordered to find its remains and retrieve its head, but Lt.Hunter hids it beneath a rockfall. Hunter himelf is ignored (since the LXM doesn't know he's the pilot).
Meanwhile, 11-X exits the bogey and attacks it, just as Rusty arrives. Rusty finds it odd he doesn't recognize the name of his "Texas Tornado" move, or its technique. Then: "Everything's easy when you're working for Uncle Stan." He and Rusty leave in the Legend One, not notice the gesticulating Hunter.
The LXM watch through 11-X's eyes as it lands on the _Dark Horse_; the pit crew's behavior reveals that the BGY-11 is human-piloted. (And they've realized it's a doppelganger.) He welds them into a container just as Rusty arrives and sits on it. "Uh, what's in the box?" he asks. "Rats," 11-X extemporizes. It shakes. "Big rats!" "And fireworks. The rats must be setting off the fireworks." He challenges Rusty to a game of hide-and-seek; the bounds. "North America." Rusty flies off as Gen.Thornton chimes in on the big screen. "Exactly how many are *in* on this secret?" the LXM seethes. Thornton orders Hunter to a meeting of the BGY Commision; 11-X ties up him and the other six, then reports back that there are two others: Dr.Slate and Dr.Poindexter. Thornton escapes into the adjacent tank garage, just as Rusty arrives. 11-X gases Thornton; Rusty expresses his shock at the violation of Rule #1: "Never harm a human." "And you broke Rule #5: keep your pie hole shut! Now c'mon, sport, let's find Dr.Slate."
Slate herself can't contact Lt.Hunter or the pit crew, and is contacted by Rusty, who warns her of Big Guy's aberrant behavior -- and he's coming!
In the desert, Hunter finds a defunct Behemoth-brand gas station and is attacked by the drones; he realizes the LXM must know now. He gets the weapons of one, takes out two more, gets the fourth in a gasoline explosion -- and the fifth is shot by the pit crew as they arrive in their Osprey.
At Quark, the 11-X grabs the elevator cab containing Slate, and tosses it from the tower's roof -- but Rusty grabs it. He's reluctant to battle Big Guy, but is asured it's a counterfeit. The Osprey arrives and airdrops the original. "Big Guy Classic is back!" The two fall from the roof, exchanging fire, burning, and doing ruinous damage to acres of glass. At the building's foot, they do grievous damage to each other; 11-X punches a hole in the BGY-11's chest, but Hunter closes an inner armor shield before Rusty notices. He falls, and the 11-X approaches. "I got wind of your little secret, Big Guy. That cockpit must take up a lot of room -- which means I have something you don't. And I'm betting it's one of *these*." So saying, a massive gun deploys from his chest and starts charging. Inside the immobile BGY-11, Hunter rewires the circuits, and fires the right arm into the gun barrel; the 11-X explodes. Slate takes its head for analysis, and Rusty shakes himself free of a pile of rubble to congratulate Big Guy.
The LXM considers its defeat, and its new backup factor. In his quarters aboard the _Dark Horse_, Hunter turns, and is shot by his duplicate.
[The 11-X uses its head beam to weld.]
wrt Eddie Guzelian, dir Chap Yaep; co-exec prod Jeff Kline, supv prod Duane Capizzi, prod Frank Squillace
Rusty watches as Slate analyzes the wreckage of 11-X; she calls the _Dark Horse_ for pit crew verification. Thornton asks around for Lt.Hunter; the duplicate is up on the flight deck, launching the original in a torpedo-shaped pod (presumably his own infiltration transport).
At Quark, Slate explains to the assembled pit crew that the 11-X's components are identical to Big Guy's. Thornton wonders how; when Poindexter went AWOL, he took everything, including the plans. The Hunter-double arrives and attacks (eyebeams). Rusty hesitates ("Kid! Destroy the lieutenant!"), but the pit crew fires a spare rotary cannon and the endoskeleton sloughs its skin. Rusty carries it up the shaft to the roof (where Donovan and Jenny, in matching yellow rain slickers, are heading to the executive copter to visit Krispy Kreme). Rusty foot thruster-tosses the bot into the blades (ruining Donovan's chopper) and it falls over the building's side (ruining Donovan's new limo). They have to find the real Hunter, and Slate suggests the only lead they haven't followed: the long-lost Dr.Poindexter.
The torpedo surfaces in a pool at LXM HQ. It opens and he sits us, woozy, to be greeted by the three remaining LXM. "Lieutenant Duane Hunter. The man behind -- or more accurately inside -- the Big Guy."
Following the address of his last IRS tax forms, Slate and Thornton find a tech-crammed trailer and signs of a struggle. Slate powers up the computer (and under the desk, a bomb counts down from 2:00 minutes). She finds schematics -- of an LXM android. Kneeling to get a CD-R, Thornton notices the C4 bomb, and calmly advises they leave. Slate insists on copying to disk; finally, he drags her out: "I don't know about you, Doctor, but I don't run as good as I used to."
At Quark, the disk doesn't give them any clues as to the LXM's whereabouts, but it does identify a mysterious component from the 11-X: a navigation system. Slate wires it to Rusty and spoofs its security; and explains that this is a solo mission, because the Big Guy is too damaged. He launches, followed by the Osprey, which carries the BGY-11.
At LXM HQ, the three gloat and prepare to wire Hunter to their mainframe. They show off a second liquid-filled tube; he recognizes Poindexter, and realizes *he* built the Legion. "You killed him." "No, he is very much alive, fused with our technology. *We* are his masterworks. His final creation. A balm for his wounded soul -- after the failure of the BGY-11." They explain that their AI was so advanced it overpowered their human emotion grids, and they'd decided it was survival of the fittest. As they prepare a tank for Hunter, the admit Poindexter was quite clever -- for a human -- and they can now access his intelligence at will. "You have spent much time impersonating a machine; now you will become one."
Guided by the nav component, Rusty finds a disused factory on the coast, and enters, ignored by the roboguards. When the LXM leave, he frees Hunter, and sends him off to Big Guy. Rusty stays with Poindexter, but security lockdown freezes the controls; but he's thrown against the tank and Poindexter awakes anyway. On the surface, Hunter is corner by two roboguards -- until the BGY-11 lands on them. "Musta slipped," says Mack from the hovering Osprey.
Number Two sheds his skin and pursues Rusty and Poindexter, while elsewhere Number Three plugs into a robot suit to combat Big Guy. "You can't escape from Number Two!" "Number Two? Your name means *doody*!" laughs Rusty, who prevents Poindexter from falling into the pool that underlies the HQ's many platforms. Two grabs Rusty with his telescoping arms, and Rusty drags him into a ventilation impeller. "Whoa. Number Two just hit the fan." Three and Big Guy fall from an upper level; he executes the Van Dyke Ottoman, toppling Two over the prone Rusty, spilling him into the pool, where he melts.
Number One finally arrives, and unfolds a pair of oversized guns from his back. He tricks Rusty and Big Guy into a laser cylinder; Big Guy's arm is cut off. They urge Poindexter to run, but he turns to Number One. "My place is here, with my creation." Walking to the fallen arm, he agrees to build more androids -- then fires its weapon at a hanging tank. It talls on One's platform, tossing him into the laser field, disintegrating him. He frees the two, and amid the congratulations, a screen activates, gloating that whoever destroyed the LXM won't live to scrutinize their technology. The three and the Osprey escape just as the factory erupts in a series of explosions.
At the airfield, Poindexter is loaded onto a gurney while talking to Dr.Slate. "Instead of resisting the emotion grid's childlike impuslses, you embraced them." He accepts Rusty's epithet of "grampa". As he's loaded into the hospital, Rusty exults that they finally got all six of the Legion. "Six?" "Yes," explains Big Guy. "Including Dr.Gilder, we destroyed six robots." As the doors close, Poindexter gasps: "But -- I created *seven*!"
Location: the desert, night. DOCTOR DONOVAN and JENNY eagerly await the first test of THE QUANTUM MACHINE, mounted on a flatbed trailer. When it breaks the lightspeed barrier, every government will want one. DOCTOR KIRBY warns them it still has bugs: the live test subject (a monkey) isn't appropriate; Donovan overrides him. Everyone dons goggles, and Kirby powers the machine from a console alongside the device. A circular ring spins, the device glows -- and a malfunction occurs. A great wind pulls Kirby towards the machines center; there's an intense flash of light. The monkey is still here, Kirby is gone -- and behind them is a rhino-sized GREEN CYCLOPEAN MONSTER.
In a rage, the monster shakes the trailer, tears off the console and tosses it. The two assistant techs drive off and Donovan pelts over, clambering onto the trailer. The monster falls behind.
Location: Quark Tower, day. Donovan is briefing DOCTOR ERICA SLATE and GENERAL THORNTON. Meanwhile RUSTY, clad in Big Guy-colored helmet and jersey, is playing floor hockey. He hits the puck, which parts Donovan's hair, passes Thornton and bisects a statue of Donovan; Slate sends him away. BIG GUY reports from _Legend One_: no sign of the creature. Thornton asks if Donovan is sure of his story: an alien terrorist, sabotage, Kirby eaten. Of course; the Quantum Machine is designed to launch travelers to other galaxies, not create monsters from thin air. --*If* it's working correctly, adds Slate sourly.
In a dimly-lit corridor Rusty mopes, grumbling that he has no friends and never has any fun. He kicks the puck and it vanishes into the shadows. Lighting his eye-beams, he finds a dusty door marked ARCHIVAL STORAGE. Inside, he finds the head and body of a robot (THE EP-327, later called EARL) -- one very like himself.
Back in Slate's lab, Rusty places a spare NPPP in the robot's chest cavity. The headless body comes to life, punches him, then gets up and starts wandering around the room. "Hey, you'll need this!" he says, brandishing the head. Slate arrives and snatches it from him. "You are such a sneak, Dr.Slate, hiding my new friend from me," he says happily. "He's not a friend," she tries to tell him. "A *brother*!" No, he was an early prototype ("Earl!") -- a rejected prototype. Donovan enters, and decides he might be of use; his underdeveloped emotion grid? In his view, not a problem.
Earl is at the target range. Rusty walks over to start a conversation, and Earl starts sparring practice. Rusty's thrown through a wall, landing in the cafeteria, but takes it all in good humor. His buckle flashes with the BGsig, which Earl takes for "enemy fire!" but Rusty calms him and leaves. "As you were!" the robot barks at the stunned techs.
At the desert space center, the monster is knawing on the nosecone of a rocket. BG arrives in L1, then R. BG tackles it off the rocket. Its eye glows, then fires, knocking BG back. Inside the smoking robot, LIEUTENANT HUNTER adjusts controls. "Just getting my bearings -- go kid, go," he orders Rusty, who follows the monster into the assembly building.
Thornton and an MP watch the surveillance feed from the space center. The creatures ambushes Rusty -- then holds back. "Oh great, you want to go easy on me because I'm small," complains Rusty, then stops when it seems to be trying to talk. He's almost gained its trust when BG enters, left forearm gun ready. R tries to stop him, but he fires; the alien crashes out through a wall. It knocks over a fuel silo and ignites the spill. R flies over the flames, but doesn't see him.
Thornton tells Slate that he believes the "Boy Robot" is too soft. Donovan (waiting for such a moment) suggests some backup -- perhaps the EP327?
Aboard L1, Rusty tries to explain his feelings to BG. "He could've eaten me. I'm bite-size!" "You're also steel-plated, son," says BG, and R reluctantly concedes he'd been mistaken.
Next sighting: the Number Four Antenna in a nearby radio telescope array. T notifies BG and R that Earl's being added to the roster; he lands on the nose of L1. "For the love of mike," groans BG. "Not Mike, Earl!," R enthuses. "He's my newest bestest pal. Next to you," he adds hurriedly. All three launch towards the center. "You're violating my airspace, grunt," Earl growls at R. "Back into formation." They examine the antenna, and E suggests fanning out to secure the perimeter. They do so, watching.
A stone bounces off Rusty. He turns -- and it's the creature. It leads him to an metal inspection plate, on which is scratched an image of itself, a human, and the Quantum Machine. "Hey, it looks like you." The creature gestures at itself. "It *is* you. Whoever drew this is good." He's suddenly concerned he'll get in trouble again. The creature tears the plate off the wall and gives it to him; then E arrives, and it hides around the corner. "Conspiring with the enemy!" Earl accuses. "What's conspiring mean?" asks R. E punches R, flies after the creature, and calls Thornton: requesting a recall of R due to his "pacifist behavior."
R flies up to BG and shows the panel, explaining, "he's a sensitive artist type. Look at this picture he drew." BG ignores him, and gets the call from T to ground R. He reluctantly orders R off the job, then looks closer at the pane. He calls in Slate, who immediately realizes the monster and Kirby switched places. Not sabotage; miscalibration. So Rusty was right! It's not a terrorist; "space dog just wants to go home." He locates the creature, and approaches it cautiously. "You're no Norman Rockwell, but we enjoyed your visual aid." E arrives, but BG can't get him to stand down. "Defend the enemy; you *are* the enemy," he pronounces, and fires. BG's head falls to the ground.
The alien sniffs BG's head, eye-zaps E, and leaps over a fence, escaping into the storm-drain outflow channels. Inside the fallen BGY-11, DH calls the pit crew: "Mack, Jo, need some help here."
"He did *what*?" Thornton asks Slate, livid. Decapitation? Slate apologetically explains that they *can't* recall Earl; his programming isn't sufficiently advanced; he becomes fixated on a single mission. Rusty enters, bemoaning his failure. "Son, seems I gave you the short end of the stick," Thornton tells him from the screen. "Put on your warpaint. I'm recommissioning you." "A soldier has to follow ord--" Rusty begins happily. "NOW!"
E pursues the monster through the drains; it blasts away a manhole and crashes out. E wings him. R arrives and calls him off: "Hey, Earl, I thought I told you to play nice." They confront each other in a gunfighter pose; then fight. R pins E and pulls open his chest; then E reverses their positions. R kicks him off, and vanishes; E looks around, and gets pile-driven into the ground from above. "Who's grounded now, Mr. Green Jeans?" gloats R. E begs for mercy. "I may have a human emotion grid, but I'm no dummy." Angered, E blasts free of the hole; and R shoots off his head. The body wanders around, and R pulls its NPPP. BG lands. "My kind of justice: poetic." He turns to the creature. "Friend, you're going home."
The Quantum Machine is back in the desert. Donovan, Slate, BG, R, the techs and the creature await. Slate asks if they've gotten the details exactly the same. "Well, there were a couple of tiki torches and I was wearing a Hawaiian shirt--" Donovan begins. They don goggles and the machine is activated. Rusty rushes to the creature with a doodle: a souvenir. "Here's you, and that's me, and that's Earl's head--" Slate pulls him back. Kirby reappears and slumps in exhaustion. "Let's thank our lucky stars you were on the ball today, sport," BG thanks R. "It's a human thing, Big Guy," the boy robot responds. "You wouldn't understand."