/* ** ************************************************************************* ** ************************************************************************* ** The Non-Sequitur Express ** Published at random intervals by Phillip Thorne ** Volume 3, Issue 16: Sunday, 9 December 2001 ** http://nsx.underbase.org/ ** ** A prospective buyer for the unwritten text _Algorithms and Acronyms ** for the Terminally Confused_: "BTW, if I don't learn why BSP trees are ** used in FPS games written in the BPL under the GPL, I'll just DIE!" [*] ** ************************************************************************* ** ************************************************************************* */ OBSERVATIONS & C: AOL packaging, Poynters, disclaimers, citrus. ERRATA & O+A+A: Proposition-predicates, missed TV. UPCOMING: "Andromeda", "Children of Dune", "Riverworld", post-sweeps. TV OVERVIEW: The supervillians of "Smallville". BOOK SUMMARY: ST:TNG:_Planet X_. SWEEPS OVERVIEW: Appear in "Enterprise", "Batman", "Jeopardy!", Unobtainium. plus Legalese, acknowledgements and opt-in/out instructions. http://nsx.underbase.org/ - back issues http://nsx.underbase.org/index_plus.htm - synopses, reviews, analyses, etc. http://nsx.underbase.org/tv/ - Philadelphia and network TV listings mailto://nsx-discuss-l@underbase.org - post on this issue (if subscribed) http://www.underbase.org/ - additional databases /* *************************************************************************** ** OBSERVATIONS & COGITATIONS ** ** AOL's latest free packaging. ** Pointer Sisters Vector? ** Dead psychic disclaimers. ** Citrus segments. ** ************************************************************************ */ Back in the early days of the Internet (say, 1996), America Online (AOL) enticed new customers by sending out unsolicited floppy disks containing the access software. Like many of my friends, I appreciated the monthly free 1.44-MB of portable storage, and promptly reformatted it for sneakernet. Later, AOL switched to CD-ROMs in cardboard sleeves, and suddenly tables in computer-geek apartments were protected (as never before!) from soft drink spills. Within the past year, even against the decline in similar CD-come-ons from other ISPs, AOL has increased its visibility with CDs in DVD cases and, just this November, a metal tin. A METAL TIN? If the DVD theme can be connected to the Time Warner merger, then did AOL acquire Altoids while I wasn't looking? You know you're a techie when... ...the Pointer Sisters are mentioned in entertainment news, and the first thing to enter your mind is the "Poynting Vector". It's a remnant from my college physics courses; I don't even remember what it or a phasor (not - er) diagram are *for*. An inconsistency... ...if TV ads for the "Psychic Friends Network" are embossed with the disclaimer "for entertainment only", then why aren't ads for the "John Edwards" talk-to-the-dead show? Are the warnings government legislated or self-imposed? Ever notice that... ...citrus fruit vary in the number of segments they contain? There's a box of clementines (a variety of small, easily-peeled seedless tangerine) in the fridge, and I've encountered copies with 7 to 11 segments. I hypothesize that, within each flower, only a subset of available eggs are polinated, and they grow to fill the available volume of the rind. [*] Today's masthead quote should be comprehensible to anyone who's ever trudged through a college "data structures and algorithms" textbook, and emerged without understanding *how* any of it is used in real-life large- scale computer programs. "BSP trees" store the geometry data in the computer game "Quake", a member of the "first-person shooter" (FPS) genre. The GPL is the "GNU Public License" for software, articulated by the Free Software Foundation (FSF) in US/MA/Boston (and GNU is the recursive acronym "GNU's Not Unix"); but I don't know if anyone's ever actually written a game in the Boston Public Library (BPL). /* *************************************************************************** ** ERRATA & OMISSIONS, ADDENDA & ADMISSIONS ** ** Proposition-predicates. ** Missed TV. ** ************************************************************************ */ In Issue 3.15, I made a joke about "the lengthy proposition" "Cellar clean?". Actually, if I recall the first-order logic from my LISP courses correctly, that's a *predicate*, not a *proposition*. MISSED TV... t-04-dec-22:00 UPN, "Buffy" delayed to 22:00 due to NHL z-08-dec-15:00 29, "StarGate SG-1" delayed to 15:00 s-09-dec-19:00 FOX, "Futurama" new episode (but pr'emp'd by NFL, so...) /* *************************************************************************** ** UPCOMING & ONGOING ** ** TV: Post-Sweeps, "Outlaw Star" replaces "War in the Pocket". ** Films: "Monsters, Inc." bloopers, "Harry Potter" on IMAX. ** Production: "Andromeda", "Children of Dune", "Riverworld" ** ************************************************************************ */ TELEVISION... Now that the November ratings sweeps are past, all the TV SFF (science fiction-fantasy) series have dropped back into repeats -- mostly. This week, a couple ("Angel", "Smallville") are tossing new eps into the mix; plus UPN is showing the acclaimed "Buffy" ep "Hush", which is executed with almost no dialogue. z-01-dec-15:00 29, "StarGate SG-1" 401 "Small Victories" m-03-dec-21:00 WB, "Angel" 303 "That Vision Thing" t-04-dec-00:30 TCN, "Outlaw Star" 1 "Outlaw World" t-04-dec-21:00 WB, "Smallville" 103 "Hothead" t-04-dec-22:00 UPN, "Buffy the..." 603 "After Life" w-05-dec-20:00 UPN, "Enterprise" 103 "Fight or Flight" z-08-dec-18:00 17, "Andromeda" 201 "The Widening Gyre" z-08-dec-15:00 29, "StarGate SG-1" 410 "Beneath the Surface" z-08-dec-17:00 17, "Mutant X" 201 "The Shock of the New" s-09-dec-11:00 17, "Earth: Final..." 501 "Unearthed" m-10-dec-21:00 WB, "Angel" 310 "Dad" (new) t-11-dec-20:00 UPN, "Buffy the..." 410 "Hush" (special) t-11-dec-21:00 WB, "Smallville" --- "Jitters" (new) On TCN, as of t-04-dec-00:30, "Outlaw Star" returns to replace "Gundam 0080: War in the Pocket". TCN is running a marathon of villian-themed Toonami episodes on 31-dec; it's called "New Year's Eve-il". SFC premieres the original "Babylon 5" movie "Legend of the Rangers" on 19-jan-2002. Roundabouts that time we'll also be getting new episodes of "The Chronicle", "Farscape", and "The Invisible Man". (Possibly the last eps of "Farscape", definitely of "I-Man"; it got good ratings, but not enough to justify $1M per ep.) FILMS... The second version of "Monsters, Inc.", the one with Pixar's trademark bloopers during the end credits, has now been released. If you live in the vicinity of US/PA/King of Prussia, "Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone" is being shown on the five-story IMAX screen, three times a day. IN PRODUCTION... TV promotion is ramping up for "Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring" (-dec-2001). Tonight, s-9-dec-20:00, SFC airs "Passage to Middle- Earth", previously seen on FOX, recently. (Or was that "Quest for Middle- Earth"?) Viewers report the script is adequate, but the narrator's delivery is patronizing, and suggest either watching the captions or reading the transcript at [ a URL I can't locate ]. "Passage" encores m- 10-dec-22:00 and f-14-dec-18:00. [ news:rec.arts.sf.tv ] SFC has greenlighted apr-2002 production on "Children of Dune", a six-hour miniseries sequel to their "Frank Herbert's Dune" (2000) miniseries. It's based on the second and third books in the series, _Dune Messiah_ and _Children of Dune_. In them, horrible things happen to Paul Atreides, his sister, and his children; also most everybody in the Imperium because Paul's excitable Fremen legions go forth to enforce his rule (with extreme prejudice). [ news:rec.arts.sf.tv ] Photography has begun for a two-hour Alliance-Atlantis telemovie based on Philip José Farmer's "Riverworld" novels. Readers (I am not one of them) indicate the setting has definite advantages for TV, and can be adapted more easily than the plots. The Riverworld is an alien construct where people go when they die (those before 1984, anyway); if you're killed, you reappear somewhere else; nobody gets pregnant. There's no great geographic variation, the architecture consists of grass huts and the attire of towels, and there's only one alien. [ news:rec.arts.sf.tv ] Creator and executive producer Robert Hewitt Wolfe has left "Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda", and fans are already predicting the imminent crash of the show's quality, á la "Earth: Final Conflict". Reading between the lines of the press release, it looks like star Kevin Sorbo ("Dylan Hunt"), who gained an executive producer credit this season, is staging a power/ego play. He claims he (and the cast) can't understand the plots -- whether this motivation arises from a meddling suit is unknown. Female fans fear that beefcake competition Keith Hamilton Cobb ("Tyr Anasazi") will be sidelined. (See also: NBC, 1966, "too cerebral".) [ news:rec.arts.sf.tv ] /* *************************************************************************** ** TV OVERVIEW ** The Supervillians of WB's "Smallville" ** ************************************************************************ */ Every superhero needs appropriately powerful supervillians to test himself against (the first "Superman" TV show, with George Reeves, apparently made the mistake of matching the Man of Steel against ordinary criminals), and the writer's challenge is to devise an appropriate source for them. The approach taken by the WB's "Smallville" is somewhere between "The X-Men" and "The X-Files". In the series' premiere, it's 1988, and young soon-to-be-adopted Kal-El (unnamed) arrives in his flying-space-evacuation-cradle, accompanied by a devastating meteor shower (presumably dragged from Krypton in his hyperspace wake, or suchlike). The entire town and surrounding region of Smallville, Kansas is saturated with space rocks -- many of them studded with glowing green crystals. Not only does kryptonite (unnamed) rob Clark Kent of his strength (and give him nasty black varicose veins), but prolonged exposure induces in ordinary Earthlings BIZARRE! SUPER! POWERS! In the first seven eps of the series, Clark encounters Electric Boy, Insect Boy, Pyrokinetic Coach, Shapeshifting Girl, Heat-Sucking Boy, Pond- of-Youth Disgruntled-Pianist Grumpy-Old-Man (plus Cassandra the Blind Seer), and Hypermetabolic Fat-Siphoning Stretchy-Jaw Girl. By ep's end, most of them die, badly. *** On the day of the meteor shower, an unlucky highschool nerd has been scarecrow-crucified in the cornfields, a homecoming tradition. A near- miss (the same one that robs young Lex Luthor of his darling red curls) sends him into a coma, in which he does not age. Twelve years later, a lightning storm awakens him and activates his powers -- and he sets out for REVENGE! Another school nerd is bitten by his entire menagerie of kryptonite- mutated insects. He loses his acne, gains silk-spinning spit, eats his mom, and tries to mate with Lana. Seeing Lana's football boyfriend and Clark as rivals, he FIGHTS! He's finally crushed by a giant crucible in a disused foundry (full of kryptonite), possibly dissolving into a year's supply of scurrying cockroaches. The school's 25-year veteran football coach bakes in his private sauna, equipped with kryptonite-studded rocks. Angered by a new principal with a funny notion of "academic ineligibility" for athletes, he discovers he can ignite wood, metal, and even water. Itching to secure his legacy with the crowning victory he DESERVES!, he tries to burn Chloe the school journalist (when she gets investigative), and locks Clark in the sauna. He finally dies screaming in the locker room, surrounded by showerheads spewing flame. Shortly after the meteor storm, a young girl recovers from a fatal soft- bone disease. Years later, she discovers she can shapeshift her size and features, and has enhanced strength. Desirous of the better life she DESERVES!, she impersonates Lex Luthor and robs the local bank. She accidentally kills her mother in an argument, impersonates her, then plans to kill and replace her idol, Lana. She's defeated (and possibly dies) in a cemetary. During an autumn party by the lake, a varsity student falls through the ice. The next morning, he breaks out, blue and shivering, and warms himself by a fire -- instantly drawing all its heat to himself. He soon learns that only the heat of a living body can sustain him. Strangely, no revenge, just need. At a local retirement home, an old man tumbles with his electric wheelchair into the krytonite-filled fishpond, and regains his youth. He can now continue with his life's mission -- REVENGE against those who robbed him of what he DESERVED! As a talented piano student, he wasn't granted a coveted posting to the Metropolis Conservatory, and so killed the son of his instructor, who *did* get it. He now stalks the children of the jury that convicted him of murder. A sad, obese girl embarks upon a vegetable diet, but she grew her carrots in kryptonite-filled soil. She's delighted when her weight instantly drops by thirty pounds, but soon enough her hypermetabolism outruns her ability to ingest. Driving in the rain, she hits a deer -- and siphons out its body fat (discovering her hypermobile lower jaw). Then for REVENGE!, she does the same to a classmate (whom Clark saves). She's delighted to get a date to Lana's birthday party, but the pangs overcome her, and she tries desperately not to eat a friend. *** By this point in the series, Clark's anxious glances imply he's noticed the cause-and-effect of kryptonite. One poster to [news:rec.arts.sf.tv] notes that, at Clark's age, he had great patience for tedious hobbies; and were he Clark, he'd be acquiring one that involved a Geiger counter, long- handled tongs, a lead box, and much traipsing over the countryside. Myself, I ask: where are the rockhounds and exo-mineralogists? Word of the marvelous green crystals that never fade (and aren't rare) should've spread in much less than 12 years, and the town should be crawling with collectors. /* *************************************************************************** ** BOOK SUMMARY ** ** Star Trek: The Next Generation: Planet X ** Michael Jan Friedman ** Pocket Books, 265 pages ** Set: 8 months after ST:FC ** ************************************************************************ */ "Star Trek: The Next Generation" crossed with "The Uncanny X-Men"? Seems like an absurd idea fit only for bad fanfic, right? And it is. It's not a sophisticated plot, but at least it doesn't fall prey to the "my favorite character can beat up yours" syndrome that afflicts so many fan writers. Its mechanism for joining the two groups is just as silly, though. LINKS: TNG-111:"Haven": Troi's heritage in the Fifth House of Betazed. TNG-526:"The Inner Light": Storm notices Picard's Ressikan flute, and he describes his sim-life on Kataan. TNG-619:"Lessons": Picard alludes to his duets with LtCdr.Neela Daren (unnamed). TNG-"First Contact": The _Enterprise-E's_ voyage to 2063 Earth. DS9-607:"You Are Cordially Invited...": Worf's marriage to Jadzia Dax. *** On the planet XHALDIA, ERID SOVAR is performing the meditations of his adulthood quest when he suddenly turns purple and fires energy beams from his fingers when exposed to sunlight. Across the planet, dozens of 22- year-olds are acquiring similar bizarre powers and forms: illusion, telepathy, speed, insectoid shells. The panicked high officials of the planetary government (CHANCELLOR PRADDIS AMON and SECURITY MINISTER TOLLIT) conclude these "transformed" pose a danger to themselves and others -- probably unintentionally -- consider briefly the violation of their civil rights, then lock them up incommunicado in a disused fortress. Soon enough they're organized under the seismically telekinetic RAHATAN and escape to a nearby city, but not before the government has called for UFP help. Meanwhile, on STARBASE 88, seven of the UNCANNY X-MEN materialize in a cargo bay: STORM, WOLVERINE, ARCHANGEL (post-Apocalypse), COLOSSUS, BANSHEE, NIGHTCRAWLER, and SHADOWCAT. Seeing Colossus change to his metal form, a security officer immediately assumes he's a shapeshifter from the Dominion, and a brief scuffle ensues. The station's CO, ADMIRAL YOSHI KASHIWADA (male), calls in Picard and the _Enterprise-E_. (It seems Picard had previous contact with this group, while returning from 2063 in "ST:FC". The two crews joined to defeat KANG THE CONQUEROR (no relation to the Klingon), an alien attempting to disrupt established timelines, and used his TIMEHOOK devices to return to their respective eras. From Picard's p.o.v., that was eight months ago; from the X-Mens', only moments. This backstory is told briefly, but there's no up-front historian's note (a common feature in "Trek" books) or author's comments explaining it; I suspect Marvel Comics, which publishes "Trek" stories.) Flaw: aboard the _Enterprise_ is a security officer, one LT.SOVAR. His first name is never given, so it's not immediately clear if he's *Erid*, and the events on Xhaldia (proceeding in separate chapters) occurred years earlier. We eventually learn he's Erid's older brother, and that Erid resents his departure to join Starfleet. Picard and Storm discuss the rigors of command. Archangel incurs the displeasure of Picard by flying through the corridors (he feels cooped up), he and Troi compare their lives of privilege, and Dr.Crusher discovers Borg-like devices in his blood. Wolverine partakes of Worf's calisthenics holoprogram. (Worf is temporarily aboard, shortly after his marriage to Jadzia; he was given a surprise party.) Banshee sings Irish ballads, and Sovar's girlfriend ROBINSON designs a holoprogram around them. LaForge studies Nightcrawler's teleportation ability, and discovers verteron particles adhering to him. While studying and bonding with the X-Men, the _Enterprise_ is dispatched to Xhaldia. When the crisis is described, Storm volunteers her group's experience in dealing with confused mutant youths. Upon arriving, they discover an alien ship in orbit, the _CONNHARAKT_ of the aggressive froglike DRAA'KON, commanded by HIGH IMPLEMENTOR RUUGH ISADJO. (It seems that one faction of the internally-warring Draa'kon had discovered a gene-set for superpowers, which could provide a marked tactical advantage, but it was incompatible with their own biology. Searching, they discovered it *was* compatible with a subset of the Xhaldian populace, so released it as an airborne virus. They're here now to harvest their accrued interest before it spoils.) Xhaldia's turbulent atmosphere blocks transporter beams and weakens subspace radio; the planet relies on four booster satellites. The Draa'kon took those out first thing, so the _Enterprise_ has to dispatch its shuttles into a tactical vacuum. The _Enterprise_ takes a pounding. Nightcrawler ferries Data to the _Connharakt_ to disable its shields, and a single assault team (with Wolverine and Banshee) beams over before the backups cut in. After much commotion, the Draa'kon are losing, so Isadjo fires a missile at the transformeds' city. Fortunately it's slow enough for Picard to chase down in a shuttle, slow with a tractor, scan, and release Archangel to flap over and defuse. Meanwhile in the city, the Draa'kon, _Enterprise_ crews and Xhaldian security forces are all pursuing the transformed, and occasionally each other. Lt.Sovar gets dragged through walls by Shadowcat. Sovar's brother dashes about with his speedy new girlfriend, CORBA. It's Air versus Ground as Storm combats Rahatan, who's independently discovered Magneto's "if you can't join 'em, beat 'em" policy. The good guys win. The bad guys lose, and are escorted by CPT.STANLEY of the _VENTURE_ to DEEP SPACE SEVEN for investigation. Crusher and a holodeck simulation of CHARLES XAVIER devise an antidote for the virus; Chancellor Amon offers it to the transformed and apologizes for their treatment. The X-Men refuse it. (They don't even consider bringing it back for those mutants who don't get the glamorous jobs and ripped bods.) LaForge solves the timehook problem: an unexpected interlink between units, combined with the _Enterprise's_ copy being exposed to verteron particles when shipped to Starbase 88, combined with Nightcrawler's verterons, caused the two devices to spring together as though joined by elastic. Cleanse the subspace particles, and fwoosh! it's back to the mansion in Salem Center, in the past, in a parallel universe. (And guess who's waiting, hidden in the bushes? Everybody's favorite meddler, Q, and a local superbeing, the WATCHER. Q says something about having his eye on Xhaldia, then leaves smugly.) /* *************************************************************************** ** SWEEPSTAKES OVERVIEW ** ** "Enterprise" and Intel ** "Star Trek" and Unobtainium ** "Batman" and OnStar ** "Jeopardy!" try-outs in Philadelphia ** Las Vegas vacation for six ** ************************************************************************ */ WALK-ON ROLE IN "ENTERPRISE" By: Paramount Pictures and Intel Pentium IV Runs: 14-nov- to 14-dec-2001 [ www.startrek.com/recreation/contests.asp ] [ www.intel.com/home/enterprise/startrek_flash.htm ] Beware, the online entry form is hidden behind a *big* Flash applet with no bypass link. See Issue 3.15 for more details. UNOBTAINIUM "ENTERPRISE" MODEL Runs: ---- to 17-dec-2001 [ www.startrek.com/recreation/contests.asp ] [ www.startrek.com/recreation/contests_entreplica.asp ] [ www.startrek.com/recreation/contests/entreplica/ballot.asp ] [ www.startrek.com/news/productnews.asp?ID=121085 ] [ www.unobtainiumltd.com/startrek.html ] Unobtainium Ltd. is a manufacturer of museum-quality replicas of SF props, and is promoting a replica of the 33-inch shooting model of the NCC-1701 from TOS. It comes in three versions: Standard (fully assembled and painted), Deluxe (adds 30 LEDs for navigation, window, and engine illumination), and Ultimate (adds sound effects and a base signed by a TOS cast member). The sweepstakes' prize is a Standard-class model with the base signed by William Shatner. You can enter online repeatedly, once per day. WALK-ON ROLE IN NEXT "BATMAN" FILM By: DC Comics and GM OnStar Runs: 4-sep-2001 to 28-feb-2002 [ www.onstar.com ] [ www.emipromo.com/onstar/ ] One grand prize, one first prize, 150 second prizes. Grand prize is a seven-day trip for one to Los Angeles for a walk-on role, round-trip coach air, six nights hotel, $500 spending money ($3500 value). First prize is choice of 36 OnStar-equipped 2001- or 2002-model cars, with value from $22- to $46,000. Second prize is a limited edition Mini Batmobile ($6 value). (With or without stupid lit hubcaps?) (Incidentally, the voice of OnStar, ie the woman who provides the prerecorded utterances, recently called in to NPR's "Car Talk" radio show to defend her honor; the OnStar system being a common target of humor by the hosts.) COMPETE ON "JEOPARDY!" [ www.jeopardy.com ] Runs: roundabouts now-ish Filled with the trivia to compete on "Jeopardy!"? Try-outs for prospective contestants are held daily in Los Angeles, and periodically in major US cities: Philadelphia's turn is this coming January. You can try out once every six months. You're barred if you've been on any single TV game show in the past year, or any two in the past five years, or "Jeopardy!" within the past 20-some years (since Alex Trebeck became host). The 90-minute (be early!) tryout consists of a 50-question written quiz, followed by a videotaped mock show (dress as you would for TV). This seems logical enough -- test knowledge, then stage presence -- certainly more so than checking other possible aptitudes: perfect and absolute pitch, or dueling skill with a bat'leth, or poise when clad in frilly underthings, or ability to gargle Gershwin while swimming the backstroke across a pool of piranha-infested wasabi-flavored Jell-O. The online form merely adds you to an interest-list; selection criteria for call-ins are not defined. TRAVEL TO VEGAS WITH FIVE FRIENDS By: the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority Runs: 1-dec-2001 to 15-jan-2002 [ www.vegasfreedom.com ] [ http://creative.rrpartners2.com/contest/entrypage_i.htm ] [ http://creative.rrpartners2.com/contest/itstime_rules.htm ] One grand prize and five secondary prizes. Each includes round-trip coach airfare, two nights/three days first-class hotel accomodations, and transfers. The grand prize is for six travelers and includes $2500 cash and tickets to a popular show; the secondaries are for two people and includes $500. /* ************************************************************************ ** Legalese ** Acknowledgments ** Opt-in/out Instructions ** *********************************************************************** */ The set of creative works herein reviewed and analyzed, including the subset {books, movies, TV shows, toys}, are the property of their respective copyright holders. No infringement or endorsement is expressed, implied or intended. The original reviews and analyses are themselves copyright 2001 by Phillip Thorne. In this issue, certain data (possibly not otherwise acknowledged) have been obtained, aggregated and synthesized from: Tribune Media Services Excite TV tv.excite.com The Internet Movie Database imdb.com Star Trek startrek.com The Star Trek Encyclopedia Upcoming Movies upcomingmovies.com Usenet rec.arts.sf.tv If you're receiving this newsletter, you've probably intentionally subscribed to it, or possibly you're interested in special topical coverage, or maybe I've sent you a teaser issue. To subscribe and unsubscribe, follow standard mailing list protocol with the addresses below: Publisher: nsx@underbase.org Newsletter: nsx-l@underbase.org nsx-l-subscribe (to subscribe; blank subject) nsx-l-unsubscribe (to unsubscribe) Discussion list: nsx-discuss-l@underbase.org nsx-discuss-l-subscribe (to subscribe; blank subject) nsx-discuss-l (to post) nsx-discuss-l-unsubscribe (to unsubscribe) /* *************************************************************************** ** *************************************************************************** ** The Non-Sequitur Express ** http://nsx.underbase.org/ ** Volume 3, Issue 16: Sunday, 9 December 2001 ** Copyright 1999-2001 Phillip Thorne, nsx@underbase.org ** *************************************************************************** ** ************************************************************************ */