/** ************************************************************************ * ************************************************************************* * The Non-Sequitur Express * A bird in hand is worth more if it's made of a precious substance. * Published at fortnightly or random intervals by Phillip Thorne * http://home.earthlink.net/~pethorne/NonSeqExp/ * * Volume 2, Issue 13: Monday, 29 June 2000 * ************************************************************************* * *********************************************************************** */ OBSERVATIONS: "Battlefield Earth", customizing. XENOBIOLOGY: The Oankili. UPCOMING: Dil, FGy, PJs, SAM return; "Clerks". ERRATA: "Total Recall 2070". plus Legalese, acknowledgements and opt-in/out instructions. /** ************************************************************************ * OBSERVATIONS * *********************************************************************** */ I just saw "Battlefield Earth" (a 12:10 showing, with *zero* trailers) and it wasn't nearly as bad as the critics claimed. The skewed camera angles, the color scheme, the six-inch bootsoles? -- Not intrusive. That it looked like a student film? --Never seen one. The aliens who acted like (stupid) Klingon Ferengi? --Made perfect sense according to the Hubbard Theory of Business Ethics (i.e. graft, kickbacks, bribes and backstabbing, as overabundantly expounded in the "Mission: Earth" dekaology (no relation)). You simply need to overlook the millenium-old-yet-operational military gear, learning to fly Harriers in a week, the instant loyalty to Johnny Goodboy, and the planet incinerated by its own atmosphere. The thing you have to remember about professional film critics is that (1) they screen *hundreds* of films a year, and with that flux, the tiniest clichés become painful; they become fixated on factors the casual audience member is happy to overlook, or fails to even notice. And (2) they don't specialize in SF, which has its own rules for plausibility. I've been assembling this newsletter without benefit of automation, which is tedious for me, and generic for you. Take the TV listings: I know most of you are in the Philadelphia market, but perhaps not all. You'd probably prefer only that subset of listings for the shows you follow, perhaps organized by show or channel rather than date-time. I know *I'd* prefer to generate them from a database, rather than re-key every field each time. When/if I migrate to compiling the issues via Perl, I'll be able to customize for each subscriber. Please tell me: is this a feature you'd like? Send comments to pethorne@earthlink.net. /** ***************************************************************** * XENOBIOLOGY * The Oankili * Octavia E. Butler's "Xenogenesis Trilogy": * _Dawn_, _Adulthood Rites_, _Imago_ * *************************************************************** */ When the Oankili worldship Chkachidahk arrived in the Sol System, its population found a world recently devastated by a major nuclear exchange. This ancient race of natural genetic engineers was instinctually compelled to aid the injured, which certainly included Earth's biosphere and the survivors huddling in the southern hemisphere. It was moreover driven to periodically renew and alter itself with infusions of genetic novelty, and was instantly captivated by the possibilities inherent in human cancer, and by the dangerous/seductive Human Contradiction: new intelligence grafted atop old hierarchical instincts. Supreme patience being an Oankili trait, they would typically wait for a new species to see the benefits of exchange; but this group was overdue for a so-called Trade, and the humans were in no condition to object. Every Oankili worldship is independent, and with each Trade, the shape of its populace changes. Upon their arrival, the Chkahichdahk Oankili resembled giant armored caterpillars, but they revived stored genetics to create bipedal humanoid children, to ease the Trade with the humans. It was not easy enough; the new breed was grey in color, eyeless, had too many digits, and sported an amphibious /sair/ breathing orifice in the neck. Worse, they were covered with the distinctive Oankili sensory tentacles, imparting a medusoid appearance that proved invariably repulsive to humans. The incomprehensible third sex, /ooloi/, had in addition two "sensory arms," typically coiled beneath its normal-appearing "strength arms." Resembling the trunk of an elephant, an ooloi sensory arm protects the delicate reproductive organs, and ends in a blunt tip until the "sensory hand" is extended. Like the body tentacles, a sensory hand can penetrate flesh, extending slender tendrils to analyze and alter biochemistry and DNA -- to explore, to heal, to communicate. In fact, the primary Oankili language is chemical in nature, and the new arrivals had also to revive an archaic spoken tongue to communicate with their prospective mates. An Oankili parental grouping involves all three sexes: male and female (typically siblings) and an unrelated ooloi. Females are larger and stronger than males, and bear the children; ooloi are the genetic engineers, and mix the children to spec. During a Trade, the grouping is extended with parents of the trade partner species. Humans objected vociferously to the notion of mating in pentads, even though all contact is through the central ooloi; but also *because* of ooloi intervention. Male and female Oankili do not touch each other, and that policy was extended to the humans, enforced through the same biochemical changes and pheromones that made ooloi strangely seductive. To be continued... /** ************************************************************************ * UPCOMING * Series, Seasons, Episodes, Movies, Books * *********************************************************************** */ HEADS UP... You thought UPN's "Secret Agent Man" and "Dilbert", and FOX's "The PJs" (Claymation) and "Family Guy" were gone? Ha, fooled you! (Sez them.) They merely moved aside during the May sweeps, but are back on Fridays, Tuesdays, Tuesdays, and Tuesdays, respectively. Joining the ranks of primetime animation is "Clerks", on wed-31-may-21:30. According to pazsaz.com, a TV episodes database, the "Tenchi Muyo" OAVs (i.e. the ones with the fancy battle garb) "premiered" (past tense) on 3-jul-2000 on the Cartoon Network. Presumably this is the latest addition to their "Toonami" block of imported-and-dubbed Japanese anime, starting with "Robotech" (assembled in 1985 by Carl Macek and Harmony Gold from three entirely-separate-but-surprisingly- compatible series) and currently showing "Gundam Wing." NON-PRIMETIME ANIMATION... RSTC Betrayal 31/111 bkn m 0529-1500 RSTC Stranded 32/112 bkn t 0530-1500 RSTC Of Flesh and Steel 33/113 bkn w 0531-1500 RSTC Captured 34/114 bkn r 0601-1500 RSTC The Face of Truth 35/115 bkn f 0602-1500 RSTC No Substitute 41/116 bkn m 0605-1500 RSTC And Then There Were Two 42/117 bkn t 0606-1500 RSTC Marauder 43/118 bkn w 0607-1500 RSTC Liquid Dreams 44/119 bkn r 0608-1500 RSTC Heart 45/120 bkn f 0609-1500 Sh22 The Fall and Rise of Sherlock Holmes 101 m 0529-1600 TFBW Nemesis, Part 1 312 fox t 0530-1600 TFBW Nemesis, Part 2 313 fox w 0531-1600 TFBW Beast Wars, Part 1 101 fox r 0601-1600 TFBW Beast Wars, Part 2 102 for f 0602-1600 r PRLR Operation Lightspeed 101 fox z 0603-0800 r Nas Co-pilot 105 fox z 0603-0930 3 TFBM Revelations, part 2 (Descent) 108 fox z 0603-1000 * D+D Day of the Dungeonmaster 205 fox z 0603-1100 * FTTD Bindi-Master 117 fox z 0603-1130 CSSM Ape-pocalypse Now! 125 48 s 0604-1130 CSSM Ape-pocalypse...A Little Later! 126 48 s 0611-1130 CSSM Captain Simian and the Space Monkeys, FTTD Flint the Time Detective, Gdz Godzilla: The Series, MIB Men in Black: The Series, MxSt Max Steel, Nas Nascar Racers, PRLR Power Rangers Lightspeed Rescue, RSTC Roughnecks: Starship Troopers Chronicles, TFBM Beast Machines Transformers, TFBW Beast Wars Transformers. PRIMETIME ETC... r Ros Pilot 1ada79 pg wb m 0529-2100 r Buf The I in Team 4abb13 14 wb t 0530-2000 * PJs Home School Daze 201 pg fox t 0530-2030 * Dil The Virtual Employee 212 pg upn t 0530-2030 * FGy Road to Rhode Island 212 14 fox t 0530-2100 r Ang Lonely Hearts 1adh02 14 wb t 0530-2100 * PJs The Postman's Always Shot Twice 203 -- fox t 0530-2130 r 7D Two Weddings and a Funeral 205 pg upn w 0531-2000 * Clk Episode Four (prem) 101 -- abc w 0531-2130 r Chm When Bad Warlocks Go Good 4398017 14 wb r 0601-2100 * SAM The Face 107 pg upn f 0602-2100 r Cle Home 1203 pgv 17 z 0603-1300 r JAT The People's Dragoon 1303 pg 17 z 0603-1330 BCJ Socrates' Sister 102 pg tnt z 0603-1000 BCJ Riverboat 106 pg tnt z 0603-1100 BCJ Pirates 107 pg tnt z 0603-1200 r EFC Thicker than Blood 306 pg 17 z 0603-1500 s 0611-2330 r SG1 A Matter of Time 216 pg 29 z 0603-1700 s 0611-0400 r Cle Rescue 1206 pgv 17 z 0603-2000 z 0610-1300 r JAT Raging Bully 1311 pg 17 z 0603-2030 z 0610-1330 4 SG1 The Fifth Race 215 pg 29 s 0604-0400 r Fut Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love? 205 14 fox s 0604-1900 r Sim The Mansion Family babf08 pg fox s 0604-2000 r XF The Sixth Extinction II: Amor Fati 704 pg fox s 0604-2100 4 EFC The Once and Future World 305 pg 17 s 0604-2330 r Ros The Morning After 1ada01 -- wb m 0605-2100 r FGy Let's Go to the Hop 204 -- fox t 0606-2000 r Buf Goodbye Iowa 4abb14 -- wb t 0606-2000 * PJs The Preacher's Wife 202 -- fox t 0606-2030 r Ang I Fall to Pieces 1adh04 -- wb t 0606-2100 r 7D Sister's Keeper 207 -- upn w 0607-2000 * Clk Episode Two or the Clip Show 102 -- abc w 0607-2130 r Chm Animal Pragmatism 4399034 -- wb r 0608-2100 abc wpvi-6, bkn wgtw-48, cbs kyw-3, fox wtxf-29, nbc wcau-10, pbs whyy-12, pbs wybe-35, upn wpsg-57, wb wphl-17. 7D 7 Days, B5 Babylon 5, BCJ The Adventures of Brisco County Junior, Chm Charmed, Cle Cleopatra 2525, DS9 Star Trek: Deep Space 9, EFC Earth: Final Conflict, JAT Jack of All Trades, Ros Roswell, SAM Secret Agent Man, SG1 StarGate SG-1, SI1 Space Island One, TNG Star Trek: The Next Generation, TR2 Total Recall 2070, Vgr Star Trek: Voyager, Who Doctor Who, XF The X-Files. Clk Clerks, Dil Dilbert, FGy Family Guy, Fut Futurama, PJs The PJs, Sim Simpsons. STAR TREK: VOYAGER... Displaced 325 m 0529-2200 Alien thieves swap with crew. (Premp'd by baseball) t 0530 3 Riddles 606 w 0531-2100 Tuvok injured, discovers emotions. Scorpion, part 1 326 w 0531-2200 Borg under attack by 8472. Scorpion, part 2 401 r 0601-2200 Treaty with Borg, steal Seven. The Gift 402 f 0602-2200 Adopt Seven, lose Kes, gain 10kLy. 4 Riddles 606 z 0603-1800 Ibid. Nemesis 404 m 0605-2230 Chakotay and alien genocide war. Day of Honor 403 t 0606-2230 Torres has a bad day. r Dragon's Teeth 607 w 0607-2100 Seven helps 900-year nappers --oops! Revulsion 405 w 0607-2200 So I repaired a holo-ax-murderer. The Raven 406 r 0608-2200 Seven finds parents' ship. /** ************************************************************************ * ERRATA * *********************************************************************** */ "Total Recall 2070" was scheduled for 13:30 on 20-may (on NBC WCAU- 10), but appeared at 14:00. It had that timeslot again on 27-may, but failed to appear at all. Like "Deep Space 9" on FOX WTXF-29, the affiliate seems to be using it merely for filler; every tom-dick-and- harry sports special gets higher priority. WTXF is at least showing its episodes *in order*; WCAU isn't paying viewers even that courtesy. /** ************************************************************************ * Legalese * Acknowledgments * Opt-in/out Instructions * *********************************************************************** */ The set of creative works herein reviewed and analyzed, including the subset {books, movies, TV shows, toys}, are the property of their respective copyright holders. No infringement or endorsement is expressed, implied or intended. The original reviews and analyses are themselves copyright 2000 by Phillip Thorne. Certain data may have been obtained and aggregated from, repeatedly and in particular: Epguides.com epguides.com Excite tv.excite.com FOXKids Shows foxkids.com/foxkids/shows_F.html Pazsaz Entertainment Network pazsaz.com Star Trek Continuum startrek.com If you're receiving this newsletter, you've probably intentionally subscribed to it. Or possibly you've procrastinated in subscribing and I'm sending it to you anyway. Or maybe you're a family member and I'm demonstrating that I'm still alive. In any case, to cancel your subscription, send an email message to pethorne@earthlink.net with the words "UNSUBSCRIBE NON-SEQUITUR" in the subject line and/or body. Capitalization and punctuation don't matter, since I'm doing this all manually. /** ************************************************************************ * ************************************************************************* * The Non-Sequitur Express * http://home.earthlink.net/~pethorne/NonSeqExp/ * Volume 2, Issue 13: Monday, 29 June 2000 * Copyright 2000 Phillip Thorne, pethorne@earthlink.net * ************************************************************************* * *********************************************************************** */