/** ***************************************************************** * ****************************************************************** * The Non-Sequitur Express * "You can't spell dishonorable without honorable."* * Published at fortnightly or random intervals by Phillip Thorne * http://home.earthlink.net/~pethorne/Reviewer/NonSeqExp/ * * Volume 2, Issue 8: Monday, 27 March 2000 * ****************************************************************** * *************************************************************** */ OBSERVATIONS: Packing TV data. UPCOMING: Heads Up, Months, Animation, Primetime, Voyager. BOOK REVIEW: _Earth: Final Conflict: The Arrival_. ERRATA: Flint, day-and-dating, the future. plus Legalese, acknowledgements and opt-in/out instructions. /** ***************************************************************** * OBSERVATIONS * *************************************************************** */ In my continuing quest to cram maximum information into minimum (fewer than 75) columns, I've added two fields to the Upcoming TV listings (and moved one). The new datums are program rating (G, PG, 14, &c.) and repeat day/date/timeslot. (Or possibly the "contingency" slot if pre-empted.) r Novelty: * new, r repeat, 3 third time Cle Series symbol: "Cleopatra 2525" Flying Lessons Title 1205 Episode number pg Rating 17 Network or local channel if syndicated z 0401-2000 First airing: Saturday 1 April 20:00 z 0408-1300 Second airing: one week later If you can't decipher the series symbols, just enjoy the witty episode titles... or wait for me to post a key on the NSX homesite. Programwise, I've added "Total Recall 2070" (TR2), WB's "Charmed" (Chm -- hey, my sister watches it), "Space Island One" (SI1), and "Doctor Who" (Who). The last two air on Ind-35-WYBE, which my cable provider does *not* carry. Dang. Today's masthead quote is from "The Simpsons." As it happens, you can't spell "dishonorable" without Blare Honor Sable Shale Shine Shoal Shone Shorn Able Bale Bash Blah Boar Boor Bore Born Dish Elba Hale Hoes Horn Lash Lore Oral Rash Sale Seal Shoe or Slab, either. /** ***************************************************************** * UPCOMING * Series, Seasons, Episodes, Movies, Books * *************************************************************** */ Heads Up: This past fall, Chris Carter's confusing/depressing (does he know how to make anything else?) "Harsh Realm" aired all of three times on Fox. The remaining six episodes will air Fridays 21:00 and Sundays 00:00 on FX, one of Fox's cable affiliates. Starting... umm... www.fxnetworks.com doesn't say. Idiot webdesigners. Mon-27-mar-2000: UPN-57-WPSG (possibly all UPN affiliates) moves the stripped repeats of "Star Trek: Voyager" from 19:00 to 22:00. This seems to have confused the tv.excite.com database, which thinks Wednesday's sixth-season repeats are doubled at 21:00 and 22:00. Funny, I thought only TNT repeated movies that way. Well, I'll see how accurate it is in two days. Fri-31-mar-2000: Dreamworks SKG's animated "The Road to Eldorado" opens nationwide. Not to be confused with 1983's "The Mysterious Cities of Gold," an anime-like series that was actually (if memory serves) French in origin. Or something. Who knows *where* Nickelodeon got their content back then... or where they get it *now*. ("Spongebob Squarepants"? Boggle.) In Months to Come: Mainframe, the CGI house that brought us "ReBoot" and "Beast Wars," will next be tackling Hasbro's "Action Man," to appear on Fox. You might remember the animated series of a 1995 -- but if you're lucky, you don't. The opening credits featured a jetski-riding, explosion- evading stuntman (with accent) who morphed into an animated version of the character (without). From their orbital platform (shaped like a crystal chandelier, or disco ball) he and his do-gooder buddies would descend upon global hotspots in their oversized F-117. (Helloooo, that planform is barely stable at *sub*sonic velocities.) Bob Skir, the story editor who's brought us "Godzilla: The Series" and "Beast Machines," will next be tackling a new "X-Men" project for KidsWB. According to his website (bobskir.com), it's not related to either the Marvel version that aired on Fox starting in 1992, or the upcoming live-action movie. It might seem odd that a network known for animated versions of DC Comics (Batman and Superman) is switching to a Marvel property, but "Batman: The Animated Series" actually premiered on *Fox* in 1992. Upcoming Non-Primetime Animated TV: 3 RSTC Betrayal 31/111 m 0327 * RSTC Trackers 71/131 r 0328 2 RSTC Hide 'N' Seek 74/134 w 0329 3 RSTC Checkmate 65/130 r 0330 3 RSTC D-Day 62/127 f 0331 RSTC The Mission 63/128 m 0403 RSTC Marooned 143 t 0404 * RSTC Court-Martial of Lt.Razak w 0405 3 RSTC Letters Home 64/129 r 0406 3 RSTC Mixed Signals 52/122 f 0407 3 RSTC The Ice Men Goeth 55/125 m 0410 2 RSTC Trackers 71/131 t 0411 2 RSTC Requiem 75/135 w 0412 RSTC Among Us 72/132 r 0413 3 RSTC Hide 'N' Seek 74/134 f 0414 SH22 TAOT Dancing Man 114 -- fox m 0327-1600 TFBW The Spark 115 -- fox t 0328-1600 TFBW The Trigger, Part 1 116 -- fox w 0329-1600 TFBW The Trigger, Part 2 117 -- fox r 0330-1600 TFBW Spider's Game 118 -- fox f 0331-1600 PRLR Up to the Challenge 107 -- fox z 0401-0800 Nas Pulp Faction 1-- -- fox z 0401-0930 3 TFBM The Reformatting 101 -- fox z 0401-1000 FTTD Eldora 102 -- fox z 0401-1100 Avg Egg-Streme Vengeance 1-- -- fox z 0401-1130 CSSM The Planet of the Humans 116 -- 48 s 0402-1130 CSSM Felonious Monks 117 -- 48 s 0409-1130 CSSM Little House on the Primate 118 -- 48 s 0416-1130 Upcoming Primetime (etc.) TV: r Buf Pangs 408 14 wb t 0328-2000 SAM Like Father, Like Monk 104 pg upn 0328 z 0401-1200 * GDB The Devil's Birthday 104 pg nbc t 0328-2030 * FGy The King is Dead 115 14 fox t 0328-2030 r Ang I Will Remember You 108 14 wb t 0328-2100 * FGy I Am Peter, Hear Me Roar 202 14 fox t 0328-2130 r 7D For the Children 204 pg upn w 0329-2000 r Ros The Balance 109 pg wb w 0329-2100 * Chm Murphy's Luck --- pg wb r 0330-2100 * N+A Lizzard's Tale 118 pg cbs f 0331-2100 B5 And All My Dreams Torn Asunder 517 pg tnt z 0325-0700 BCJ Stagecoach 121 pg tnt z 0325-1000 r SG1 Spirits 211 pg 29 z 0401-1500 s 0409-0400 r EFC In Memory 309 g 17 z 0401-1600 s 0409-2330 r Cle Flying Lessons 1205 pg 17 z 0401-2000 z 0408-1300 r JAT The Floundering Father 1309 pg 17 z 0401-2030 z 0408-1330 SI1 Spring Fever 109 -- 35 z 0401-2100 Who Armageddon Factor --- -- 35 z 0401-2200 Who Armageddon Factor --- -- 35 z 0401-2230 * Fut How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back 211 pg fox s 0402-1900 r Sim Faith Off 1106 pg fox s 0402-2000 * XF Chimera 716 14 fox s 0402-2100 r Buf Graduation Day 32- pg wb m 0403-2100 * Buf Superstar 417 pg wb t 0404-2000 * GDB Bob Gets Committed 105 pg nbc t 0404-2030 SAM Supernaked 105 pg 0404 z 0408-1300 * FGy If I'm Dyin' I'm Lyin' 112 14 fox t 0404-2030 * Ang Eternity 117 14 wb t 0404-2100 * 7D X-35 Needs Changing 2-- pg upn w 0405-2000 * Chm How to Make a Quilt Out of Americans --- pg wb r 0406-2100 N+A (Pr'emp'd) 0407 B5 Movements of Fire and Shadow 518 pg tnt z 0408-0700 BCJ Wild Card 122 pg tnt z 0408-1000 TR2 Begotten Not Made 111 -- nbc z 0408-1330 r EFC Cloister 310 g 17 z 0408-1600 s 0418-2330 r SG1 Tok'ra, Part 1 212 pg 29 z 0408-1600 s 0418-0400 r Cle Mind Games 1207 pg 17 z 0408-2000 z 0415-1300 r JAT Once You Go Jack 1309 pg 17 z 0408-2030 z 0415-1330 Upcoming episodes of STAR TREK VOYAGER: Initiations 202 m 0327-2200 Chakotay and Nog, er, Kazon. (Pr'emp'd by NHL) 0328 3 Tinker,Tenor,Doctor,Spy 4 w 0329-2100 Doc's daydreams of command... 3 Tinker,Tenor,Doctor,Spy 4 w 0329-2200 [sic] Parturition 207 w 0329-2200 Two squabblers and an XT baby. Persistence of Vision 208 r 0330-2200 Weird delusion field. Tattoo 209 f 0331-2200 Aliens inspired Amerinds! 4 Tinker,Tenor,Doctor,Spy 4 z 0329-2100 ...lure Sontaran* scavengers! Cold Fire m 0403-2200 Alien boosts Kes' brain. (Pr'emp'd by NHL) 0404 3 Alice w 0405-2100 Alien shuttle seduces Paris. 3 Alice w 0405-2200 [sic] (Pr'emp'd by baseball) 0406 (Pr'emp'd by baseball) 0407 4 Alice z 0408-1900 ...but it's suicidal! /** ***************************************************************** * BOOK REVIEW * _Earth: Final Conflict: The Arrival_ * Fred Saberhagen * Tor, December 1999, 315 pages, hardcover * *************************************************************** */ Synopsis: After a year of anticipatory radio messages, the alien Taelons have finally arrived. Starting at the International Dateline and following the terminator, the first 71 Companions make planetfall in the predawn hours. Billionaire industrialist Jonathan Doors is very surprised and flattered when two of the XTs alight upon his California estate. While Namor fusses over Doors' wife Amanda and her cystic fibrosis, Va'lon and Doors begin speaking. The Taelon rapidly maneuvers the topic to art museums, and in particular the collection included with a recent Doors acquisition -- the sprawling San Simeon estate of early 20cen newspaper magnate William Randolph Hearst. He's eager to see it as soon as possible but, strangely apprehensive about travelling by air, insists upon ground transport. Doors drives Va'lon himself, and must bluff his way through a roadblock established by the so-called New Free Coast Militia led by a Colonel Shelby, who object to the presence of aliens. Shortly after entering "the Ranch," Doors' father, Jubal, arrives by plane - - with a warning about the Taelons. 65 years earlier, in 1936, Jubal's father had business with Hearst. The 16-year-old was privileged to be one of the few young people to attend one of the monopolist's lavish weekend parties, where he met an aspiring film star, one Esther Summerson. They're troubled by eerie dreams, and by strangeness involving a set of four statues by the swimming pool, depicting the Egyptian god Sekhmet. Jubal finds the body of a blond man frozen into seeming rigor mortis. Soon thereafter, the boy awakens into a not-exactly Flash Gordon not- adventure with an ailing alien, a comatose girl and not-dead blond man, and a time-frozen not-statue; in fact, a powerful, dangerous XT called an Urod. And the plot lurches on from there. Analysis: I'm guessing Saberhagen (author of the "Berserker" and "Swords" novels) was selected merely for his name. The novel has a selection of problems that make me wonder how much guidance he was given, and whether any EFC staff reviewed the text. The editor from Tor, James Frenkel (who also edits Vernor Vinge's novels), certainly didn't catch the following: Despite the cover illustration, Da'an apears only briefly and Lily Marquette not at all. Saberhagen introduces three new Taelon characters (Va'lon, Namor, Lekren), only one of whom has a proper apostrophied name (to wit: Da'an, Quo'on, Ma'el). In 1936, Lobo uses a "global communicator" that sounds just like the 2001 version, but if it was of Taelon manufacture, Jubal should've noted as much (to avoid confusing us readers). Va'lon receives several minor wounds during the militia attack, but the TV episodes have established that their energy-based bodies are immune to projectiles. (There's no reason he should fake the injury.) The wounds ooze grey fluid, but ruptured Taelons always leak blue particles. Saberhagen describes "blushes" that don't match the detail seen on TV; Doors would certainly pay closer attention to a being who briefly turned translucent. There's mention of a (unnamed) recent nuclear exchange in the Middle East, but the oft-mentioned ante-Taelon "SI War" was "Sino-Indian." Aside from the factual errors, I object to the plodding plot. After the book's first 36 pages, the next 149 are Jubal's flashback, and for 49 of *those* he's merely wandering across San Simeon -- interesting, but irrelevant in an SF novel. (Try penning a tourism guidebook, Fred.) For the next 67 Doors attempts to get Va'lon's side of the story, and then they're all under siege by the NFCM for the remaining 43. In addition, it fails to live up to the title by focusing on only one tiny element. There's brief mention of extreme human reaction to the Arrival elsewhere on Earth -- militia groups, cult suicides and such -- that, as a series of vignettes, would've made *far* more interesting reading. Trust me, you're not missing much when I abstract the following details: 1. From the first, thanks to his father's story, Doors knew the Taelons were liars, manipulators and ready to use humans as fodder. 2. Doors hates the Taelons because they killed his father to trap the Urod, and were ready to use his wife; moreover, Amanda (and several loyal employees) were killed by a militia group targeting the aliens. 3. Aside from Ma'el's ancient mission, at least one Taelon visited Earth before the official arrival; Lekren, sent to retrieve the Sekhmet-Urod in 1936. 4. Lekren recruited Lobo, a Los Angeles private detective, and implanted him with a prototype CVI and motivational imperative. Lobo helped retrieve a first Urod, location unknown; his office manager Rosie was used to trick it into captivity, and her mindless husk was placed in a Taelon display case. 5. The Sekhmet-Urod proved less tractable. Lekren acquired Esther as bait, and Jubal for assistance in case Lobo didn't recover. He was too distracted by his mental combat with the Urod to give Jubal clear guidance; moreover the crew of the Taelon prison/museum had been killed, and the station itself severely damaged (possibly by Jaridians). Conclusion: If you're intent on reading _The Arrival_, borrow it from your local library. I hope the forthcoming books -- _The First Protector_ (by James White) and _Requiem for Boone_ (by Debra Doyle & James MacDonald) --better match the tone of the television series. I certainly prefer the up-tempo plotting of Doyle & MacDonald to Saberhagen's workmanlike-and-uninspired style. (And moreover, they're cool people. They attended RPI's Genericon IX SF convention in 1997 as the author GoHs -- them and their kids -- and handed out free copies of their _Mageworlds_ novels.) /** ***************************************************************** * ERRATA * *************************************************************** */ The new anime import I identified in 2.7 as "Flint: First Time Detective" seems actually to be "Flint the Time Detective," which makes a lot more sense. Either my eyes or a FoxKids.com data keyer's fingers slipped. In 2.7's Upcoming, I identified "Arabian Knight" as airing on "Sat- 26-mar". I meant Sunday, not Saturday. Although 2.7 was transmitted on the 22nd of March, the masthead and footer dated it as the 28th. I've been accused of living in the future, but this is just sloppy. /** ***************************************************************** * Legalese * Acknowledgments * Opt-in/out Instructions * *************************************************************** */ All books, movies, television shows, toys and other creative works reviewed or analyzed herein are the property of their respective copyright holders. No infringement is expressed, implied or intended. The original reviews and analyses are themselves copyright 1999 by Phillip Thorne. Certain data may have been obtained from aint-it-cool-news.com, corona.bc.ca/films/ (Corona Upcoming Attractions), foxkids.com, the Internet Movie Database, the Internet Speculative Fiction Database, roughneckchronicles.com, tv.excite.com, upcomingmovies.com, and/or other sites and hardcopy books and periodicals. If you're receivng this newsletter, you've probably intentionally subscribed to it. To cancel your subscription, send an email message to pethorne@earthlink.net with the words "UNSUBSCRIBE NON-SEQUITUR" or 'unsubscribe nonsequitur' in the subject line and/or body. Capitalization and punctuation don't matter, 'cause I'm doing this all manually. /** ***************************************************************** * ****************************************************************** * The Non-Sequitur Express * http://home.earthlink.net/~pethorne/Reviewer/NonSeqExp/ * Volume 2, Issue 8: Monday, 27 March 2000 * Copyright 2000 Phillip Thorne, pethorne@earthlink.net * ****************************************************************** * *************************************************************** */