/** ***************************************************************** * ****************************************************************** * The Non-Sequitur Express * "Six times nine. Forty-two. That's all there is." * Published at fortnightly or random intervals by Phillip Thorne * http://home.earthlink.net/~pethorne/Reviewer/NonSeqExp/ * * Volume 2, Issue 1: Tuesday, 11 January 2000 * ****************************************************************** * *************************************************************** */ In this issue: LETTER: Y2K isn't over, coming this year. UPCOMING: Heads Up, Animation, Primetime, Voyager. TIMELINE: Ten centuries of "Futurama" (v001). Y2K-WATCH: What fails and what doesn't. TOYBOX: New LEGO sets: "Star Wars" and "Throwbots". ERRATA: Boccie ball, NXE numbering, foxkids.com. plus Legalese, acknowledgements and opt-in/out instructions. /** ***************************************************************** * LETTER FROM THE EDITOR * *************************************************************** */ Well, the planet's still here, along with its technology and most of the members of its religions. The "hundreds of billions of dollars" figure sometimes quoted for Y2K preparedness has probably been inflated by Y2K-prompted (but not -related) systems upgrades. Hey, it all contributed to the U.S. economy, didn't it? Disenchanted folk are complaining about the tab, but how do you retroactively calculate the *correct* price for preventing a one-time disaster? Nonetheless, there are plenty of glitches that could still arise; period-end reports that span the year boundary, 29 February, and a 366-day year. I'll be following developments in a new WATCH section, starting this issue. It's probably impossible to develop a proper timeline for Matt Groening's "The Simpsons;" that jaundiced family seems trapped in a chronic historesis with a sliding context window. "Futurama" is a much more tractable proposition. See below! Coming later this year... How many gadget-infested cyborgs has SF insisted on giving us? How many suits of power armor? How many different colors of blood? And how many walking, talking severed heads? Compare-and-contrast "Bicentennial Man:" the story and film. A more! /** ***************************************************************** * UPCOMING * Series, Seasons, Episodes, Movies, Books * *************************************************************** */ Heads up: Fans of radio control, hobby robotics and gladiatorial carnage may want to tune in to "Robot Wars" on PBS-WHYY-12. This British import (hosted by Craig Charles, "Lister" of the SF comedy "Red Dwarf") pits whimsically-named weekly contenders against an obstacle course, each other, and a trio of razor-edged regulars including "Sir Killalot." It can be seen sat-15-jan-10:30, sun-16-jan-00:15 and -23:30 (replacing "Red Dwarf"), wed-19-jan-23:30, thu-20-jan-22:00 and -22:30. "Supernova" opens in theaters fri-14-jan. Judging from trailers, the writers decided an exploding star wasn't a sufficiently personal threat, and added a human energized by an alien artifact. Hmmm, haven't I seen this plot on "Star Trek"? Upcoming Animated TV: RSST No Substitute 41/116 m 0110 4 RSST ...And Then There Were Two 42/117 t 0111 5 RSST Marauder 43/118 w 0112 4 RSST Liquid Dreams 44/119 r 0113 * RSST Clip Show 142 f 0114 * RSST The Inside Story 54/124 m 0117 2 RSST Heart 45/120 t 0118 RSST Pluto and Beyond 141 w 0119 RSST Sole Survivor 25/110 r 0120 5 RSST ...And Then There Were Two 42/117 f 0121 RSST Missing in Action 24/109 m 0124 5 RSST Liquid Dreams 44/119 t 0125 RSST No Substitute 41/116 w 0126 2 RSST Clip Show 142 r 0127 5 RSST Hot Ice 53/123 f 0128 Upcoming Primetime (etc.) TV: 2 Buf The Initiative 407 t 0111-2000 wb Dil (Premp'd, moved to 15-jan) --- t 0111 2 Ang Rm w/a Vu 105 t 0111-2100 wb * 7D Time Gremlin 211 w 0112-2000 upn 2 Ros Leaving Normal 103 w 0112-2100 wb * N+A Disco Inferno 112 f 0114-2100 cbs B5 Learning Curve 506 z 0115-0700 tnt Robot Wars z 0115-1030 12 EFC The Once and Future World 305 z 0115-1600 17 SG1 (Premp'd by NFL) --- z 0115 Dil The Gift 201 z 0115-1230 upn Robot Wars s 0116-0015 12 * Sim Faith Off 1106 s 0116-2000 fox * XF The Amazing Maleeni 708 s 0116-2100 fox Robot Wars s 0116-2330 12 EFC The Once and Future World 305 s 0116-2330 17 * Buf Doomed 411 t 0118-2000 wb * Ang Somnabulist 111 t 0118-2100 wb * Dil The Security Guard 206 t 0118-2100 upn 2 7D The Football 201 w 0119-2000 upn * Ros The Toy House ... w 0119-2100 wb Robot Wars w 0119-2330 12 Robot Wars r 0120-2300 12 Robot Wars r 0120-2330 12 N+A Nothing to Fear, But Nothing to Fear 106 f 0121-2100 cbs Upcoming episodes of STAR TREK VOYAGER: Sacred Ground 307 m 0110-1900 Janeway religious to save Kes. Remember 306 t 0111-1830 Torres recalls alien genocide. Alter Ego 314 w 0112-1900 Kim and Tuvok vie for hologirl. * Fair Haven 611 w 0112-2100 New. Fair Trade 313 r 0113-1900 Neelix's favor for pal, bad! Rise! 319 f 0114-1900 'lix & 'vok on alien beanstalk. r Fair Haven 611 z 0115-1800 Ibid. The Darkling 318 m 0117-1900 Doc upgrades self, goes bad. Favorite Son 320 t 0118-1900 Aliens claim Kim as stud. Real Life 322 w 0119-1900 Torres tweaks Doc's holofamily. * Blink of an Eye 612 w 0119-2100 New. Displaced 325 r 0120-1900 Crew swaps with aliens. Worst Case Scenario 324 f 0121-1900 Play insurrection hologame. r Blink of an Eye 612 w 0122-1900 Ibid. /** ***************************************************************** * TIMELINE * Ten centuries of "Futurama" * Revision 001 * *************************************************************** */ The chronology below incorporates events detailed in the following nine episodes of "Futurama." Events that occur at both ends of the timeline (for instance, via lightspeed lag) are listed twice. Citations are listed in curly braces. 101, Space Pilot 3000 102, The Series Has Landed 106, A Fishful of Dollars 109, Hell Is Other Robots 111, Mars University 112, When Aliens Attack 202, Brannigan, Begin Again 203, A Head In the Polls 204, Xmas Story 20th Century: * 1969: The United States "Apollo 11" mission is the first to land humans on Earth's moon, in Mare Tranquilitas. Astronauts Neil A. Armstrong and "Buzz" Aldrin return to orbit in the ascent stage of the "Eagle," their lunar excursion module (LEM). * Spring 1999: The broadcast of the season finale of the television series "Single Finale Lawyer" is interrupted after 30 seconds when the entire FOX Network is disabled. The systems failure is due to a spill of "LoBrau" brand beer over the controls of New York City affiliate WNYW, by a pizza delivery agent named Fry. [Elsewhen: Inhabitants of the planet Omicron Persei 8, approximately 1000Ly from Earth, become ardent fans of the show, and are incensed at its abrubt cancellation.] {112, When Aliens Attack} * 31 Dec 1999: A disgruntled New York City pizza delivery agent named Fry executes a crank order to the office of a cryonic suspension agency; the staff are presumably attending festivities. As the year turns, he accidentally falls into a suspension tube which sets itself to a default of 1000 years. {101, Space Pilot 3000} Over the next 1000 years... * Civilization falls to aliens. {101, Space Pilot 3000} * Civilization falls to aliens again. {101, Space Pilot 3000} * The long-feared Greenhouse Effect takes hold in Earth's atmosphere; however, it is mitigated by Nuclear Winter. {204, Xmas Story} * Cows go extinct, but tissue samples of some description persist into the late 29th century. {106, A Fishful of Dollars} * The Historical Sticklers Society returns the Eagle's ascent stage to the lunar surface, installing a plaque to that effect. Later, most details of the first lunar missions are lost to history, including the location of Tranquility Base; no one bothers to rediscover it. An imaginative fabrication is eventually portrayed at Luna Park. {102, The Series Has Landed} * Earth's moon is colonized, then attempts an abortive breakaway rebellion. The Union Jack (used centuries earlier as the battle flag of the Confederate States of America) may be a major symbol. {102, The Series Has Landed} * Voodoo and Oprahism become mainstream religions. Later, Robotology is founded. {109, Hell Is Other Robots} * It becomes customary to evaluate a person for the job best fitted to his talents; a microchip specifying that role is implanted in his hand. Abandoning a career carries the penalty of being fired. From a cannon. Into the sun. {101, Space Pilot 3000} * Earth implements a world government headed by a president. {112, When Aliens Attack} * Earth joins DOOP, the Democratic Order of Planets, a body similar to Earth's United Nations or fiction's United Federation of Planets. * Phonetic drift occurs, transforming the pronunciation of "ask" to "ax" and "Christmas" to "exmas." {204, Xmas Story} * Fully sentient robots are invented, and eventually comprise a significant fraction of New New York's population. 21st Century: * Pamela Anderson stars in "Baywatch: The Movie," the first picture filmed entirely in slow motion. She wins an Oscar for her performance. {106, A Fishful of Dollars} * Prolific inventor Ron Popeil develops a procedure to sustain severed human heads in liquid-filled jars. {108, A Big Piece of Garbage} The heads of many 20cen celebrities -- performers, politicians and criminals -- are preserved this way, and eventually many are installed at the Head Museum in New New York (admission free on Tuesday). {101, Space Pilot 3000} [Conjecture: The Museum contains a full set of U.S. presidents, implying that many were somehow cloned and supplied with synthetic memories. All the historical heads appear in their physical prime, possibly implying a rejuvenation technique.] * 2012: TV talk show host Conan O'Brien loses his legs in the War of 2012. Later, his head is stored with the Popeil Process. {204, Xmas Story} 22nd Century: * Pine trees go extinct. Palms replace them as the traditional Xmas centerpiece. {204, Xmas Story} * 20cen notions of physical modesty (at least for males) go extinct. {204, Xmas Story} 23rd Century: * Dr.Zoidberg's species arrives on earth. Shortly later, anchovies go extinct. {106, A Fishful of Dollars} * 2275: The Fairness in Hell Act is passed. It stipulates that if an associate of a condemned inmate of Hell can defeat Satanbot in a musical contest using a solid gold fiddle, he wins the fiddle and the inmate's freedom. If he loses, he receives a slightly smaller silver fiddle, and Satanbot is free to kill any other members of the party. {109, Hell Is Other Robots} 24th Century: * The MasterCard brand of credit goes extinct. {106, A Fishful of Dollars} 25th Century: * The Visa brand of credit goes extinct. {106, A Fishful of Dollars} 26th Century * Mars University is established on that planet, with the motto "knowledge brings fear." Traditional college vegetation (trees, ivy, hemp) is planted, and soon Mars has a human-habitable biosphere, including jungles which are at the time (or soon will be) extinct on Earth. {111, Mars University} 27th Century: * New Yorkers elect a supervillian mayor who proceeds to steal most of the world's major monuments, and to relocate them to a local coastline renamed Monument Beach. He adds his portrait to one of the monuments so acquired, Mount Rushmore (formerly of the Black Hills of South Dakota). [The collection will be destroyed in 3000 by the invasion fleet of the irate denizens of Omicron Persei 8.] {112, When Aliens Attack} 28th Century: 29th Century: * 2801: The Friendly Robot Co. creates a robot Santa Claus, but a programming error sets its standards impossibly high. Each year, on the night of 25 December, it roams the streets killing everyone it deems a bad boy or girl -- i.e. everyone. Holiday customs soon adapt; the lyrics of centuries-old songs change, and a surface-to-Santa rocket launcher with jolly-seeking missiles becomes a traditional gift. [Elsewhen: Santa continues to terrorize the populace at least until 3000.] {204, Xmas Story} 30th Century: * 2999: Pizza delivery agent Fry is automatically revived from his 1000-year cryonic suspension. {101, Space Pilot 3000} 31st Century: 3000: * At least one eccentric lunar farmer continues to believe in the cause of lunar independence, as a Union Jack and a banner reading "the moon will rise again" in his agridome proclaim. {102, The Series Has Landed} * Although Visa and MasterCard expired five and six centuries earlier respectively, Discover is still active, as is Fry's saving account at Big Apple Bank. In fact, one of their New New York branches still keeps a 20cen magnetic card reader at the teller's station. {106, A Fishful of Dollars} * Zap Brannigan is awarded the honor of officially opening DOOP's new headquarters, a $400 billion space station orbiting The Neutral Planet. He accidentally destroys it instead, and DOOP retires to its former HQ in Weehauken, New Jersey, Earth. {202, Brannigan, Begin Again} * The Popeil-preserved head of former U.S. president Richard M. Nixon wins the election on the strength of the robot vote. {203, A Head In the Polls} /** ***************************************************************** * WATCH: THE Y2K BUG * What fails? What doesn't? Where? * *************************************************************** */ Not Actually the Bug + A huge digital clock, hung on the Eiffel Tower expressly for Parisian festivities, failed moments before the turn of the year. + Thousands of doves were released at the height of Rome's celebration, at the same moment as fireworks went off; most were killed by concussion. + On several occasions, a computer at an FAA air traffic control center in Leesburg, Virginia glitched; a less capable backup system stepped in, delaying flights at a dozen cities in the eastern U.S. The program does not process the year. + A section of ceramic transformer insulation in a Pennsylvania nuclear plant cracked, requiring the shutdown of that generator until it could be replaced. Domestic + Seven US nuclear plants reported minor problems with ancillary systems, such as security or weather. + For a few hours, groundside systems were unable to process transmissions from a Pentagon reconnaissance satellite. + Some of the 100,000 merchants who use CyberCash Inc.'s "IC Verify" software to process credit card transactions haven't upgraded to the new Y2K-compliant version, leading to repeated charges for a single purchase. + Alabama: a payroll computer failed at one company. + Delaware: at the state's three racetracks, 800 slot machines failed Wednesday (since they receive date updates 72 hours in advance). + Chicago, Illinois: doppler radar systems shut down for a few minutes. + New Mexico: nearly half of the state's motor vehicle offices were unable to issue driver's licenses. + Colonie, New York: A video store computer assessed a $91,250 fine to a video it deemed 100 years overdue. + Pennsylvania: "January 1, 100," read the date on the Giant Food Stores website. + Pennsylvania: "January 1, 3900," read the date on the website of the Reading Eagle and Reading Times. + Exton, Pennsylvania: "01/03/100," greeted employees at a brass reproductions business when they booted the Pegasus email package Monday morning. + Philadelphia, Pennsylvania: "1900," read the year on flight-control monitors at Philadelphia International Airport; the bug was repaired within minutes. + Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania: the website of the town's Groundhog Club indicated there were 397 days (instead of 32) remaining until Groundhog Day (February 2nd). International + At a Japanese nuclear plant, a noncritical radiation monitoring sensor failed. + A South Korean civil court issued 172 summons to appear on 4 January 1900. + In Pyongchon, South Korea, 900 apartments lost heat and hot water on Saturday due to a glitched controller. + "01/01/100," read the date on a French weather website. + In Naples, Italy, a corrections computer now indicates that December releases were a century earlier, and those due for release in January are a century late. + In Demark, a hospital computer registered January's first baby born as 100 years old. + In Demark, a small part of one bank's payment system was erased. + In Hong Kong, police breathalyzers refused to accept the birth dates of people tested. /** ***************************************************************** * THE TOYBOX * The Spring 2000 LEGO kits are now available... * 9 new, 12 old "Star Wars" sets * 4 new, 8 old "Throwbots" sets * *************************************************************** */ Nine new 2000 LEGO Star Wars sets are here (to add to the twelve already released). The 8000-series are Technic models that (by the power of rubber bands) auto-transform when you push a button. See: www.lego.com/starwars/ 7104 Desert skiff 53 $ 6.75 Luke in black, Han 7115 Gungan patrol 77 $11.00 2 gungans, 2 kaadus 7124 Naboo speeder 105 $11.00 Naboo officer 7134 A-Wing 123 $16.50 Pilot, mechanic 7144 Slave I 165 $22.00 Boba Fett, Han-in-carbonite brick 7180 B-Wing 338 $33.00 Pilot, mechanic, droid 8000 Pit droid 217 $22.00 8001 Battle droid 328 $33.00 8002 Destroyer droid 553 $55.00 7101 Lightsaber duel 50 $ 6.75 Qui-Gon, Maul 7111 Droid fighter 62 $ 8.75 7121 Naboo swamp 81 $11.00 Qui-Gon, Jar Jar, 2 droids 7128 Speeder bikes 90 $11.00 Luke, 2 Scouttroopers 7130 Snowspeeder 212 $22.00 Luke, Dack 7131 Anakin's podracer 134 $16.50 Anakin, Padmé, droid 7140 X-Wing 263 $33.00 Luke, Biggs, R2 7141 Naboo N-1 fighter 174 $22.00 Anakin, R2 7150 Y-Wing/TIE 407 $54.00 Pilot, Vader, droid 7151 Sith Infiltrator 243 $33.00 Maul 7161 Gungan sub 375 $54.00 Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, Jar Jar 7171 Mos Espa podrace 894 $89.00 6 minifigs, R2, 3 droids Four new Throwbots are here (to add to the eight already released). The gimmick on each model in this line is a springy disc-tossing arm; using various new ball-and-socket elements they can also transform (after a fashion) into vehicle (-shaped things); and you can combine the pieces from each four-set series into a larger robot-like blob. See: www.lego.com/throwbots/ 8520 Millenia 137 $22.00 rides a red motorcycle 8521 Flare 33 $ 6.75 Orange/black plane 8522 Spark 42 $ 6.75 Purple/black 8523 Blaster 89 $16.50 Yellow/black 8500 Torch 31 $ 6.75 Red/black 8501 Ski 32 $ 6.75 Light blue/white 8502 Turbo 44 $ 6.75 Green/black car 8503 Scuba 37 $ 6.75 Blue/white 8504 Jet 42 $ 6.75 Yellow/black copter 8505 Electro 35 $ 6.75 Purple/black bug 8506 Granite 32 $ 6.75 Tan/black 8507 Amazon 34 $ 6.75 Green/green /** ***************************************************************** * ERRATA * *************************************************************** */ The quote in the masthead of issue 1.11 read in part "sometimes a bacchi ball." That is a misspelling. The Italian game to which I was referring may be spelled boccie, bocce or bocci, according to the 1975 edition of _Webster's New World Dictionary of the American Language_. I forgot to proofread that section, as I was (at the time) attempting to timeslice five distinct activities: finishing the issue, following the conversation in the Foresight Institute's Senior Associates online chat about intellectual pseudo-property, scanning the manuals for The Palace chat software, ignoring the New Year's Eve channel surfing engaged in by my sister across the room, and capturing a selection of munchables. The correct numbering scheme for EPU's NXE is book:chapter (as with the Bible), not book.chapter (as with this newsletter). As of Monday 3-jan, foxkids.com had not updated their show listings to reflect the current week. And as of today, a week later, the site is still inaccessible. This issue was originally dated 10-jan, but Earthlink's outgoing mail service was down that evening. /** ***************************************************************** * Legalese * Acknowledgments * Opt-in/out Instructions * *************************************************************** */ All books, movies, television shows, toys and other creative works reviewed or analyzed herein are the property of their respective copyright holders. No infringement is expressed, implied or intended. The original reviews and analyses are themselves copyright 1999 by Phillip Thorne. Certain data may have been obtained from aint-it-cool- news.com, foxkids.com, roughneckchronicles.com, tv.excite.com, upcomingmovies.com and other sites. (Acknowledgements here) You're receiving this newsletter because you've specifically subscribed to it; or you're getting a trial issue because you're a friend, former classmate and/or former or current coworker of Phillip Thorne. To continue your subscription (issue 2.2 and onwards), send an email message to pethorne@earthlink.net with the words "SUBSCRIBE NON- SEQUITUR" or 'subscribe nonsequitur' in the subject line and/or body. To stop subscribing, s/subscribe/unsubscribe/ig. Capitalization and punctuation don't matter. /** ***************************************************************** * ****************************************************************** * The Non-Sequitur Express * http://home.earthlink.net/~pethorne/Reviewer/NonSeqExp/ * Volume 2, Issue 1: Tuesday, 11 January 2000 * Copyright 2000 Phillip Thorne, pethorne@earthlink.net * ****************************************************************** * *************************************************************** */