/** ***************************************************************** * ****************************************************************** * The Non-Sequitur Express * "My god, it's full of stars." * Published weekly, or at other random intervals, by Phillip Thorne * http://home.earthlink.net/~pethorne/Reviewer/NonSeqExp/ * * Volume 1, Issue 9: Thursday 9 December 1999 * ****************************************************************** * *************************************************************** */ In this issue: UPCOMING: Heads Up, Animation, Primetime, Voyager. EPISODE SYNOPSIS: NASCAR Racers: The Movie. SOMNABULATIONS: 26-nov-1999: Alien negmass money lecture Futurama! HOMAGE WATCH: Anime: in Star Trek, Mummies, RoboCop, Spy Dogs. ERRATA: "Rougnecks" schedule still glitched. plus Legalese, acknowledgements and opt-in/out instructions /** ***************************************************************** * UPCOMING * Series, Seasons, Episodes, Movies * *************************************************************** */ Instructions: Col 1: Marked * if premiere, r if weekly repeat of a premiere. Col 2: Series abbreviation. Col 3: Episode title. Col 4: Episode number. Col 5: Day: (S)unday, MTWRF, (Z)aturday. Col 6: Date-time, 24-hour format. Col 7: Channel or network. Listings apply primarily to the Philadelphia TV market. If the show is a national feed, I list the network symbol. If it's syndicated or subject to local scheduling, I list the channel number. "Roughnecks" (RSST) is syndicated to BKN affiliates, so check local listings for time -- beware that the published schedule is likely to be ignored. I show its episode numbers as both mini-arc and full. Heads up: On Tuesday 17 December 20:00, Fox airs the new special "Olive the Other Reindeer", in which a deluded dog named "Olive" mishears Santa's call for "all of the other reindeer" and seeks to replace injured Blitzen. I'm glad somebody's making new Christmas specials -- "Charlie Brown" et al are showing their rust. Now, if they'd just re-air Oedekerk's "Santa Versus the Snowmen"... Animated: CSSM Ape-pocalypse Now! 125 s 1205-1130 48 SH22 ...The Deranged Detective 105 m 1206-1600 fox RSST Hot Ice 53/123 r 1209 * RSST The Ice Men Goeth 55/125 f 1210 * X9 ??? 111 z 1211-0930 fox * TFBM Techno-Organic War part 2 112 z 1211-1100 fox CSSM Ape-pocalypse... A Little Later! 126 s 1212-1130 48 SH22 ...The Sussex Vampire Lot ??? 106 m 1213-1600 fox * RSST Ice-Olation 51/121 m 1213 RSST Search and Destroy 23/108 t 1214 RSST Sole Survivor 25/110 w 1215 RSST Of Flesh and Steel 33/113 r 1216 * RSST ...And Then There Were Two 42/117 f 1217 Primetime TV: N+A (Pre-empted by Candid Camera) --- f 1210-2100 cbs r Ang City Of 101 f 1210-2100 wb * EFC Cloister 310 z 1211-1600 17 SG1 In the Line of Duty 202 z 1211-1700 29 SG1 Serpent's Lair 201 s 1212-0400 29 Sim Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo AABF20 s 1212-2000 fox * Fut A Head in the Polls 203 s 1212-2030 fox XF The Goldberg Variation 702 s 1212-2100 fox RD Cassandra 804 s 1212-2315 12 r EFC In Memory 309 s 1212-2330 17 * Buf Hash ??? t 1214-2000 wb Dil Elbonian Trip 106 t 1214-2030 upn * Ang Parting Gifts 110 t 1214-2100 wb * 7D Love and Other Disasters 209 w 1215-2000 upn * N+A I've Grown Accustomed to His Face 110 f 1217-2100 cbs EFC Crackdown 301 z 1218-1600 17 SG1 (Pre-empted by NFL) --- z 1218-1700 29 SG1 In the Line of Duty 202 s 1219-0400 29 Sim Grift of the Magi 1107 s 1219-2000 fox Fut Xmas Story 204 s 1219-2030 fox XF How the Ghosts Stole Christmas 608 s 1219-2100 fox RD Krytie TV 805 s 1219-2330 12 r EFC Cloister 310 s 1219-2330 17 Upcoming episodes of STAR TREK VOYAGER: Emanations 109 r 1209-1900 Harry visits wrong afterlife. State of Flux 111 f 1210-1900 Kazon get Fed tech? Traitor! r Think Tank 520 z 1211-1800 Greedy genius cabal wants 7/9. Faces 114 m 1213-1900 Vidiians split Torres in two. Jetrel 115 t 1214-1900 Restore Neelix's dead family? Learning Curve 116 w 1215-1900 Tuvok trains Maquis. Warhead 525 w 1215-2100 Alien missile hijacks Doc. Projections 203 r 1216-1900 Doc crazy for first time. Twisted 119 f 1217-1900 Spatial anomaly pretzels ship. r Warhead 525 z 1218-1830 Ibid. /** ***************************************************************** * EPISODE SYNOPSIS * Nascar Racers: The Movie * Saturday 20 November 1999 10:30 FoxKids * 90 minutes * *************************************************************** */ The series itself premieres in February 2000; I imagine this 90-minute "movie" was simply the first three episodes spliced together to fill a gap in FoxKids' programming schedule. The movie was written by Mark and Michael Edens and storyedited by the former, produced by Dennis J. Woodyard and exec-produced by Eric S. Rollman, with CGI produced by Kent Butterworth -- the same team that does "Xyber 9". Cue theme song... Supervised by designer MEGAN FASSLER and her father JACK, owner of FASSLER EXPERIMENTAL TECHNOLOGIES, the four drivers for Team Fastex -- LYLE "THE COLLECTOR" OWENS, third-generation racer MARK "CHARGER" McCUTCHEON, CARLOS "STUNTS" REY and former fighter pilot STEVE "FLYER" SHARP -- are burning rubber in their oddly generic stock cars. The raceway is anything but, equipped not only with outdoors straightaways and banked turns but also vertical HotWheels-style loops, plus the massive indoors Motorsphere. The gem of Fassler's Big River Raceway at New Motor City, the Motorsphere's paved with dizzying horizontal and vertical tracks, divided by huge TV screens and filmed by articulated robot cameras. Big River Raceway (financed by Enormabank) isn't Fassler's only gamble. It's designed to support the new NASCAR "Unlimited" series he's pushing, which will feature "supercars" equipped with jump jets, extensible wings and "rescue racer" minicars. Flyer jumps to first place with his flight mode, then the pack enters the Motorsphere and races up the sheer wall. Stunts ignites his belly jets and falls from the track, popping his chute and drifting to the floorside exit. Then Collector punctures Charger's tire with a telescoping fender spike, he tries to evade with his jets, ejects in his Rescue Racer -- and everything freezes. This has all been a VR simulation in the Raceway's training center. Fassler, livid, confronts Owens with his nickname -- that he collects and piece of every competitor he wrecks -- and fires him from the team. Later, he comes across a recording of a VR training session of a spectacular anonymous driver, fastest he's ever seen. (Fassler doesn't want his brainy daughter to race, but he's the only one who doesn't know she wants to -- that subplot's visible three laps away.) That night, the remaining three drivers have an informal cycle race on the closed roads near a popular diner. Flyer brushes aside his girlfriend's objections to his racing career, certain he can control the onset of nervous tremors. On the road, an errant sports car driven by a man with a pronounced German accent almost causes a pile-up. Owens reports to Fassler's former partner, now industrial rival, GARNER REXTON of Rexcorp. He'd been placed in Fastex to spy on the new supercars. He slips back in and overhears discussion of a flaw in Megan's supercars: the forced-combustion carbs have a tendency to overheat and explode if not shut down by a heat sensor. He then joins Team Rexcorp, consisting of DIESEL "JUNKER" SPITZ from Europe (from the closed road), "SPECTER", amracer-turned-model-turned-proracer DUREENA, and cyborg crew chief "SPECS". Rexton promises the driver who wins an extra million dollars. At the gala pre-race bash, covered by Sports Network Interglobal Television (NIT, not SNIT), a soft-drink rep tries to hire Stunts away to his team. Teams Fastex and Rexcorp get in a fight, while Owens and Specs sneak out to sabotage one of the Fastex cars. The race starts. Underhanded maneuvering ensues. Flyer's car begins to overheat and won't shut down, and it'll explode before he expends his fuel; so Megan leads him out through the city to where he can jettison and let it explode safely. Stunts sacrifices his car to save Charger. Team Rexcorp can't cooperate, so we're soon down to just Owens and Charger. Owens' car is fading, and Charger races past -- until he stalls. Indomitable, he gets out and *pushes* the car over the line, just before Owens creeps past. At the awards ceremony, Charger hands the prize over the Stunts. Good sportsmanship won't save the raceway, however; Rexcorp has bought Enormabank and calls for the first loan payment. Fastex's share of the purse doesn't quite cover it -- until Stunts adds his million dollars. Then they all get new cars. /** ***************************************************************** * From the secret mixed-up files of Phil's head, it's... * HIS WACKIEST SOMNABULATIONS * 26 November 1999: Alien negmass currency lecture Futurama! * *************************************************************** */ At an airshow featuring aerobatics by R/C model planes, I show off by balancing on the wings of one such as it hovers in midair. Its owner denies the evidence of his own senses, even when I float unsupported. To convince him, I pull from my backpack the rolls of negative mass quarters that allow me to do so. On a tabletop, I demonstrate how they variously attract and repel with ordinary quarters of positive mass. A crowd has gathered, all interested in earning the quarters. When asked, I explain that I obtained them from aliens as payment for "services rendered" -- I design geometries for transforming toys -- but there are other methods. For instance, you can pay for them with electricity. The aliens will set up transmitters at your home and powerplant and will siphon off part of your normal usage; or you can buy extra from the local utility. It's all part of their program for humans to earn foreign exchange and become part of the galactic economy; native knicknacks aren't as popular as SF might have you believe. One listener protests that the energies quoted wouldn't work; given E=mc^2, it would take thirteen million years of home usage to generate one gram. I agree; but the donated electricity merely catalyzes extraction of power from the upper band of -- I break off with the excuse that the physics is "complicated." Another group of students are concerned about the cosmological effects of large-scale negmass production. I allay their fears; only a few stellar masses have been produced, even with the wormhole construction program. A red van launches from the street outside the convention center and soars between the city's skyscrapers; its walls are packed with neg- osmium to reduce its weight. Later, on one of my visits to an alien world, I consider buying new eyes, but am concerned that the standard procedure might not be tested on my novel human physiology. One method uses nanobots to replace the retina in-situ over the course of several weeks, during sleeping so that the waste heat isn't bothersome. I would pay the practitioner by giving several lectures in his personal auditorium afterward. The aliens are forever willing to pay for insight into new cultures; more for interactive interviews than essays. I might speak on human attitudes towards sex (always of ethnological interest) or why people attend Transformers conventions. At an eatery at a local mall that serves hotdog-like entrees, I attempt to decide if I should serve myself. The employees of Planetary Express are there: Bender, Leela and Amy Wong. Obviously I must be Fry. A group of aliens threatens us with internment at the bottom of flooded cardboard tubes, with sky above; apparently they've mistaken us for another race, one that fears water, depths, and light. Leela is suddenly swallowed by the wall. Slurp. Bender and I break open the hidden door, and follow by lassoing a rhino that charges up the stairs within. It debouches onto a metal catwalk surrounding a wildlife museum. We're dragged around four walls to a fence that divides the exhibition area from the cafeteria; I crash into it, then try to claw my way over. Is this how episodes of "Futurama" are written, I wonder? On the other side, prisoners are kept in those giant cardboard tubes. To free them, we roll the tubes outside, and fire them like mortars. Foomp, foomp, foomp. /** ***************************************************************** * HOMAGE WATCH: ANIME * Star Trek * Mummies Alive! * RoboCop: Alpha Commando * The Secret Files of the Spy Dogs * *************************************************************** */ Star Trek: The Next Generation Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Live, Syndicated 1987-1999 Designers Michael Okuda and Rick Sternback are the production staff responsible for expanding the TECH placeholders in "Star Trek" scripts into convincing treknobabble, and have written several technical manuals expanding the babble in great depth. One or the other is apparently an anime fan. They've also returned the honor shown by the Japanese "Dirty Pair" movies (featuring female trouble consultants named Kei and Yuri) which included bridge detailing based on the _Enterprise_. Data refers to the chemical elements "keisium and yurium" in "TNG:Night Terrors". The security code of the Ferengi Daimon Tog in "TNG:Menage a Troi" begins "kay yee yu ree". "The exocomps, designed by Rick Sternbach, were very loosely based on an entry in _The Star Trek Encyclopedia_. Mugi is Kei and Yuri's *cat*. The exocomps ("TNG:Quality of Life") actually resemble an egg- shaped sneaker-wearing robot from that series. The entry on the savage fanged alien race called the "Nausicaans" ("TNG:Tapestry") reads "named for the Greek goddess of the wind, as well as for the animated fantasy film Nausicaa." A selection of guns on page 126 of _The Art of Star Trek_ includes a green-and-gold prop built for DS9 that looks to be made of the leg and shoulder cannon of an Invid Shock Trooper, from "M.O.S.P.E.A.D.A." (seen in the U.S. as the third arc of "Robotech"). The book _ST:TNG:The Continuing Mission_ includes blowups of schematics that are barely visible on TV. The nanites of "TNG:Evolution" include a component called a "Ranma 1/2 Gyro Block". A holodeck menu from "TNG:The Emissary" lists eight programs, including "04-592 Wings of Honneamise Flight Exercise". In the _ST:TNG:Technical Manual_, the compound "keiyurium" is mentioned on pages 92, 157 and 164; "excelion-infused carbonitrium" on page 59, "sonodanite" on page 124, and "animide" on pages 124 and 157. The _Excelion_ is a starship in "Gunbuster". Kenichi Sonoda is the character designer for the "Bubblegum Crisis" series. "Animide" is possibly a corruption of "anime". Mummies Alive! Animated, syndicated 1997 In several episodes the cast must avoid the ire of Geb, the ancient Egyptian earth-deity. Geb appears as a stone-grey and dirt-brown torso, rooted in the earth. His design is copied straight from the Evangelion mecha from "Neon Genesis Evangelion", but the most specific evidence of this isn't the sawtoothed jaw, corded neck, broad chest or segmented abdomen; it's the hexagonal extrusions on his knuckles. RoboCop: Alpha Commando Animated, syndicated 1998 RoboCop's partner, Agent Nancy Miner, frequently dons flight-capable combat armor apparently built by the female mercenaries called the Knight Sabers, from "Bubblegum Crisis". The evil robot Rexor (featured in "Justice Reborn part 3" and "RoboPop") resembles a suit of ADP K-12 combat armor from the same series. The uniforms of the undersea miners of "Deep Trouble" look like the "plug suits" worn by EVA pilots in "Neon Genesis Evangelion." In "Cop Games", several police robots from rival departments fight alongside RoboCop. One resembles a Gerwalk- mode Valkyrie from "Macross", and another the "VT-61 LC Bonaparte Tulcas" from "Special Powered Armor Trooper Dorvack". The Secret Files of the Spy Dogs Animated, FoxKids 1998 In the episode "D'Cell", the eponymous boy genius grows tired of his brand-new electronics always being just behind the curve, so he builds a legion of android housewives to steal all home electronics everywhere. When confronted by the Spy Dogs, they emit battle cries such as "garlic press power!" before transforming and combining into a larger robot. Mitzie, her female pilot skills unappreciated by tech- dog Angus, dons an experimental transforming samurai-styled fire hydrant to combat Mondo Megapower Housewife against speedlined backgrounds. /** ***************************************************************** * ERRATA * *************************************************************** */ "Roughnecks" schedule correction: The episode that aired Thursday 25 and repeated Tuesday 30 November was not "The Ice Men Goeth" (125) as the published schedule indicated. Instead, it was "Hot Ice" (123). Apparently Sony-Columbia-TriStar is still having production glitches. /** ***************************************************************** * Legalese * Acknowledgments * Opt-in/out Instructions * *************************************************************** */ All books, movies, television shows, toys and other creative works reviewed or analyzed herein are the property of their respective copyright holders. No infringement is expressed, implied or intended. The original reviews and analyses are themselves copyright 1999 by Phillip Thorne. Some data has been reprocessed via aint-it-cool- news.com, foxkids.com, tv.excite.com, upcomingmovies.com and other sites. I'd like to thank the many Delaware Valley IT consulting firms that have been diligently searching for a job I'll accept: Aetea Information Technology, Comms People Inc., Devon Consulting, eCom Associates, EDP, Keystone Computer Associates OnLine Career Search Paragon Computing Professionals, ProActive Staffing, Robert Half International Consulting, Quest Systems, TexCel, and the Walklett Group. You're receiving this newsletter because you're a friend, former classmate and/or former or current coworker of Phillip Thorne, or have specifically subscribed to it. To receive the tenth and subsequent issues, send an email message to pethorne@earthlink.net with the words "SUBSCRIBE NON-SEQUITUR" or 'subscribe nonsequitur' in the subject line and/or body. To stop subscribing, s/subscribe/unsubscribe/ig. Capitalization and punctuation don't matter. /** ***************************************************************** * ****************************************************************** * The Non-Sequitur Express * http://home.earthlink.net/~pethorne/Reviewer/NonSeqExp * Volume 1, Issue 9: Thursday 9 December 1999 * Copyright 1999 Phillip Thorne, pethorne@earthlink.net * ****************************************************************** * *************************************************************** */