/** *********************************************************************** * ************************************************************************ * The Non-Sequitur Express * More spoilers than you can shake a limp cube of agar at! * Published weekly, or at other random intervals * * Volume 1, Issue 3: Friday 22 October 1999 * ************************************************************************ * ********************************************************************* */ In this issue: UPCOMING: Movies, TV, Voyager TRIVIA: Name those Digimons! EPISODE GUIDE: Roughnecks: Starship Trooper Chronicles 101-111 EPISODE SYNOPSIS: Now and Again, 101-102 ERRATA: Relic Hunter plus Legalese, acknowledgements and opt-in/out instructions /** *********************************************************************** * Upcoming * Series, Seasons, Episodes, Movies * ********************************************************************* */ Film: Princess Mononoke (American dub) 1029 (LA, NYC, Chicago, Boston) 1105 (Philadelphia at Riverview and 13 other major cities) Pokemon: The First Movie 1112 James Bond: The World is Not Enough 1119 Toy Story 2 1124 Saturday Morning TV: * Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century 106 z 1023-0800 Fox29 (cel+cgi) * Godzilla: the Series 206 z 1023-0830 Fox29 (cel) * Saban's Xyber 9: New Dawn 106 z 1023-0930 Fox29 (cel+cgi) * Spider-Man Unlimited 104 z 1023-1000 Fox29 (cel) * Beast Machines Transformers 106 z 1023-1100 Fox29 (cgi) * Big Guy and Rusty the Boy Robot 106 z 1023-1130 Fox29 (cel) Primetime TV: * Harsh Realm, Inga Fossa 103 f 1022-2100 Fox29 * Now and Again, Insurance Man Always... 105 f 1022-2100 CBS 3 * Earth:Final Conflict, Emancipation 303 z 1023-1600 WB 17 * StarGate SG-1, Thor's Chariot 206 z 1023-1700 Fox29 * Relic Hunter 105 z 1023-2300 WB 17 r StarGate SG-1, Need 205 s 1024-0400 Fox29 r Earth:Final Conflict, The Vanished 302 s 1024-2300 WB 17 Red Dwarf, Epideme 707 s 1024-2330 PBS12 * Buffy, Fear, Itself 404 t 1026-2000 WB 17 * Angel, I Fall to Pieces 104 t 1026-2100 WB 17 * Roswell, Leaving Normal 104 w 1027-2100 WB 17 Upcoming episodes of STAR TREK VOYAGER: Gravity 513 f 1022-1900 Time-accelerated sinkhole. r Alice 605 z 1023-1900 Alien shuttle seduces Paris. Phage 104 m 1025-1900 Neelix's lungs are stolen. Heroes and demons 111 t 1026-1900 Doc meets Beowulf. Course: oblivion 518 w 1027-1900 The ship and crew go slimy. Dark frontier, part 1 515 w 1027-2000 How Seven was assimilated. Dark frontier, part 2 516 w 1027-2100 Lotsa Borg. The thaw 223 r 1028-1900 Freezer AI clown ransoms Kim. Bride of Chaotica 512 f 1029-1900 Evil Janeway, holodeck aliens. /** *********************************************************************** * Trivia * Name those Digimon! * ********************************************************************* */ One July day while at summer camp, seven Japanese kids didn't notice the world's weather going wacky until it started snowing. Then seven "miniature remote digital controllers" dropped from the sky and landed at their feet, moments before a tidal wave appeared from nowhere and swept them off to the Digital World to meet their waiting Digimon ("digital monster") counterparts. For instance, Taichi "Tai" Kamiya is matched with Koromon, who "digivolves" into progressively more powerful forms called Agumon, Greymon, and Metal Greymon. The other six partners are similarly polynymic. Yamato "Matt" Ishida: Tsunomon Gabumon Garurumon Koushiro "Izzy" Izumi: Motimon Tentomon Kabuterimon Taichi "Tai" Kamiya: Koromon Agumon Greymon Metal Greymon Joe Kido: Bukamon Gomamon Ikkakumon Zudomon Mimi Tachikawa (f): Tanemon Palmon Togemon Takeru "T.K." Takaishi: Tokomon Patamon Angemon Sora Takenouchi (f): Yokomon Biyomon Birdramon Garudamon /** *********************************************************************** * Episode Guide * ROUGHNECKS: STARSHIP TROOPER CHRONICLES * Premiered 30 August 1999 * Distributed by BKN * Philadelphia: weekdays 15:00, on channel WGTW-48 (independent) * ********************************************************************* */ The titles in the guide on www.pazsaz.com doesn't seem to match the events in the aired episodes. Since the air order is completely scrambled -- WGTW- 48 has gone so far as to show the same episode on two adjacent days -- I've reassembled events assuming they move from Pluto, to Hydora, to Tarpit. Where a published title seems to fit the content but not my hypothetical orbit, I've enclosed it and the published episode number in parentheses. 101 "Freefall" Day 1, Pluto: Alpha Squad is assembled for its first mission, the rescue of 125 scientists and their dependents from a research facility (too bad they're already dead), and meets the Tanker Bug for the first time. 102 "Plasma bugs of Navarone" Day 4, Pluto: Ibanez and Barcalow are dispatched to extract seven scientists from the McHenry outpost, but themselves need to be rescued by the Roughnecks, who encounter the Cliff Mites. Higgins' narration indicates the Pluto offensive eventually involved 10,000 MIs and one million Bugs. 103 "Handle with care" Day 9, Pluto: Lt.Earl Walker of Intelligence takes command of the Roughnecks to retrieve a baby Plasma Bug. 104 (??) Day 10, Pluto: Alpha Team saves pinned-down Vector Squad from a massive incursion of Hopper Bugs, using Higgins' camera lens to amplify a laser beam lure. 105 (??) Pluto: Alpha Squad takes point in Operation Clean Sweep to locate and destroy Bug City, and succeeds, only to see it repopulated by a Bug transport. 106 (109 "Water, water everywhere") Hydora: The _Valley Forge_ and nine other starships track the transport to the waterworld Hydora in the Virgo constellation. They meet the (unnamed) Kamikaze Ripplers for the first time, and Jenkins receives a telepathic ultimatum that the Bugs intend to wipe out humanity. 107 (??) Week 7+ (?!) Hydora: Ibanez flies a retrieval to Zebra Squad, then stays behind with them to make room for the WIAs. Rico shows off for her benefit with Alpha Squad comes to their aid against the newly-named Kamikaze Rippler bugs. 108 (111 "Search and Destroy") Hydora: During a mission to locate the Bug hatching grounds on Hydora, Jenkins is injured by a Rippler barb (now with corrosive venom!). They meet a Mama Rippler in a hatching cave. 109 (??) Day 19, Tarpit: The front line moves to this torrid world orbiting the Renara-7 binary, and the Bugs gain an ally. These "Skinnies" use a powerful constrictor fluid that can crush a trooper or even a titanium skimmer. Assembling his report, Higgins gets to know Razak better. Ibanez extracts the squad as Barcalow bombs a Bug force. 110 (107 "Pluto and beyond") Week 3+: Higgins' "special combat report" is a clip show of prior episodes. 111 (105 "Of flesh and steel") Day 27, Tarpit: Jenkins befriends the Cybernetic Humanoid Assault System (CHAS) provisionally assigned to the Roughnecks, which demonstrates a justified sense of superiority but also self-sacrifice for its teammates. The squad's first encounter with the Atomic Blaster bug. /** *********************************************************************** * Episode Synopsis * NOW AND AGAIN * Episode 1: Origins, 24 September 1999 * Episode 2: On the Town, 1 October 1999 * * Series premiered Friday 24 September 1999 * Philadelphia: Fridays 21:00, on channel KYW-3 CBS * ********************************************************************* */ 101 "Origins" TV-PG-V I: Tokyo: An OLD MAN carrying a paper bag of groceries boards the subway. When he leaves, the neatly dressed SMALL BOY notices four eggs left behind in his seat. The boy is delighted by the way they wobble in its plastic concavity as the train picks up speed. Finally, one jumps over the edge, and splatters on the metal floor. The boy notices his nosebleed and starts screaming, alerting the other passengers to the blood streaming down their faces. When it pulls into the third stop, those waiting on the platform see nothing but the blood-covered windows. Suburban New York: Dawn at a commuter rail station. Nearby at a house, overweight GRAND EMPIRE INSURANCE (GEI) agent MICHAEL WEISSMAN (John Goodman), feeling amorous, is rebuffed by his wife, LISA (Margaret Colin): "It's a weekday." Later, he receives only monosyllabic replies to his breakfast inquiries from his only child, daughter HEATHER (Heather Matarazzo). In his New York office, coworker ROGER BENDER (Gerrit Graham) arrives and tells Wiseman he didn't get the promotion. Despite his 17 years of service, it went to 27-year-old CRAIG SPENCE, his own trainee. Bender insists it's punishment for Wiseman having stuck to his scruples the year before, when he ruled the collapse of a bridge in Buffalo due to incompetence, not an Act of God. Bender suggests that, after work, they go out and get plastered. That night, staggering back from a bar, Bender and Wiseman part ways at Grand Central Station. On the platform, he sways uneasily with his feet over the yellow safety line. A trio of roughousing youths come down the stairs and precipitate a chain reaction which propels Wiseman into the path of the oncoming train. Later, Wiseman awakes in a brightly-lit multi-story atrium. The man sitting at the foot of his - bed? - cheerfully introduces himself as DR.THEODORE MORRIS (Dennis Haysbert), and tells him he had a beautiful funeral. He is now a middle-aged brain connected to a sophisticated computer that interprets what he *thinks* he's saying. Morris goes on to verbosely explain that, since WWII, America has spent billions to create "a man, an American man, who can do what no mortal can do" - but they just can't create a mind. He offers Wiseman the chance to be that man. Just one catch: he must stay dead. He can have no contact with anyone from his first life. Should he confide in anyone, he, and they, are dead. II: A month later: Lisa turns uneasily on the covers of a fully-made, half- empty bed. Later, she belatedly arrives at Wiseman's office to clear it out, and confesses to Bender that she just can't believe he's dead, not with an empty grave. Bender breaks the news that GEI is denying his life insurance policy. They claim he was despondent over not getting the promotion, went out drinking, and committed suicide. Lisa will have none of it. He advises she get a lawyer. Six months later: Wiseman (Eric Close) awakens in a hospital bed surrounded by monitoring equipment. He gets up, goes to the sink to wash his face, and when he straightens, realizes he's a new person. He starts inspecting his new body. The mirror conceals an observation room where Morris and a half- dozen med student-looking kids watch jubilantly. III: Wiseman (now pants size 30-32) is ready to check out of the hospital. He does a handstand. Then he does one on the wheelchair in the wallway. Then in the elevator, he lifts the wheelchair, with his orderly in it. Morris is not amused, and admonishes him before leaving him in the care of a pair of MIBs at the entrance. In the limo, Wiseman asks a question. Morris circumlocutes to the answer: "I'm sorry, you can't fly." He notices the direction of his glance out the window. "You can't see through peoples' clothes, either." They arrive at Wiseman's new townhouse (63rd and Madison), and Morris goes over the groundrules. He'll have a personal trainer to help him maintain the new body. His nutritional intake will be monitored, and he's always to use a special toilet to monitor the other end. He'll wake every morning at 0600, and the lights go out at 2300. IV: At 3pm, Lisa arrives at GEI for an appointment with Craig Spence regarding her husband's policy. She's kept waiting all afternoon, until the receptionist leaves and the lights go out. Then her attorney, GERALD WEISENBACH, breezes in. He's frequently litigated against GEI, and confidently ushers her into Spence's office. (He's playing Windows Solitaire.) Bender is called in, and the circumstances of Wiseman's death are discussed. When Spence says GEI is prepared to offer a $50,000 loan, Weisenbach stands up indignantly and rushes her out. In the elevator, he explains things are going fine: it's hardly unusual for a man to be "despondent" after losing a promotion, and for him to drink heavily afterward even if he usually abstains. The longer GEI acts like this, he assures her, the larger the final settlement will be. In the lobby, he offers Lisa his celphone to call Heather; it's almost 7pm, and it's Taco Night. He emits every sign of trying to hit on her. DeGaulle Airport, Paris, France: The Old Man passes through Customs, and leaves a paper bag on the baggage claim carousel. He walks away, donning a gas mask. Seconds later, screams erupt, as he catches a taxi. At the townhouse, Wiseman finishes his shower, grabs a towel and peers uneasily around the bathroom. He takes his clothes and dresses under the sheets, addressing the empty room: he *knows* they're watching. "I'm lonely. I miss everybody. I miss my wife, my daughter. I even miss me." At 2300 sharp, the lights go out. Morris appears in the bedroom door, and gently denies that they *always* watch him. Wiseman tries to back out of the deal. "This was not a trial offer," Morris says, but offers an experimental drug to erase his memory. He asks to use the bathroom, and leaves his overcoat on the bed. Wiseman grabs his celphone, and surreptitiously calls home - but can't say anything. Morris returns and moves to leave, saying they'll be giving a demonstration the next day for the very few senators and congressman who control the project's funding, when the phone rings (Lisa having *69'd). He assures her she'll never get a call from this number again. TO BE CONTINUED. 102 "On the Town" Teaser: New York State Department of Social Services: Lisa applies for welfare, and gets a runaround. There aren't any openings for an art historian, she says. But there are plenty in retail, fast food, home health care... "hose are all minimum wage; I'd lose everything." "And *then* we could help you," he finishes. I: In a boxing ring, amid an audience of cheering suits, Wiseman neatly defeats a boxer, a screaming martial arts guy, and a chainsaw. He begs off that he needs to visit the men's room, and Morris details three burly MIBs to escort him back to the townhouse. Wiseman chats nervously to them about their jobs, not taking things personally, and then (with some effort) manages to defeat and evade them. He runs off into the city. Back at the ring, Morris persuades the politicians that an APB would be a bad idea; they're trying to keep the project low profile. Which religious denomination would they like to scream first, should they learn the government's been playing Frankenstein? He dispatches his own security instead. At GEI, Wiseman can't persuade the front guard that he has a good reason to see Bender, and gets photographed and ejected from the premises. II: South of Houston Street, New York City: The Old Man enters the CYBER LATTE cyber cafe and arranges to send an email using the cafe's account. It's night. Wiseman doffs his shoes and starts freeclimbing the GEI building, eventually reaching Bender's 17th-floor office. His old friend, engrossed in his work, back to the window, doesn't notice the human fly. He pulls off his shirt and punches in the window, falling to the carpet (and getting a lot of small cuts). He stumbles through an explanation of why he needs to see Lisa and Heather, claims to be a really good friend of Wiseman's, provides personal details of their relationship, and eventually persuades/threatens the cowed Bender to drive him. Bender starts to get suspicions, and Wiseman warns him not to go any further with that thought: "I can't tell you, because once they know *you* know, you die." III: It's 7:30pm, and Heather reassures her nervous mother about her imminent date with Weisenbach. Outside, Bender delivers Wiseman, and follows him to peek (not peep) into the house - he's much relieved that his wife and daughter are doing so well. But isn't Lisa rather made-up? He hears a doorbell, notices a parked limo, sees Lisa get into it. Wiseman insists Bender follow them, and pulls the door off his Mercedes when he initially refuses. Following the limo, Bender keeps babbling. "You - are - Michael, aren't you? But reincarnated." Distracted, he drives straight into a side-door collision. Wiseman gets out to pursue barefoot through city traffic to a restaurant. Behind him, unnoticed, a quartet of MIBs punch out Bender. At an NYPD station, a briefing is being given on an email just received, written in Chinese. The sender claims to have released nerve gas in Japan and France, and threatens to do the same to New York unless $100 million are wired to a Libyan acccount within 72 hours. Outside in the corridor, Morris walks to an interrogation room. Inside, the blindfolded Bender is laying out his whole theory: that Wiseman is a troubled, distraught soul who's returned to Earth to ensure that Lisa gets her money. At the same time, his agents report that they finally have a strong tracking signal for Wiseman. Morris (to Bender's perceptions, God) decides the insurance agent really needn't be killed. "You know who I am, right?" he murmurs in his ear. "If you breathe one word of this, I'll smite you so hard you'll skip right past heaven and hell and go straight to pus ... it's gotta come from somewhere, right?" IV: After the wining and dining, Wiseman clings to the trunk of the limo. Weisenbach returns to his office, ostensibly for some paperwork, and Lisa obligingly follows. He asks if a kiss would be out of line; Lisa admits her feelings are all mixed up. He offers her $1000 to help out, and lets slip that he has a wife and two kids. Lisa suddenly realizes where this is all going, and though Weisenbach seems comfortable with the idea of the affair, she's not. She walks out. "Oh, and by the way - you *are* fired." Out on the sidewalk, Wiseman is singing forlornly and Lisa, mistaking him for a transient, slips him a bill. He gets up, says it would be easier to walk the six blocks than get a cab, asks about "your boyfriend;" she makes moves to evade this oddly solicitous potential mugger (how'd he know she was heading for Grand Central?). She moves to the opposite side of the street, and he climbs atop a semi when he loses sight of her. She calls up from below. At a nearby department store, she buys him $8 sneakers (size 10-1/2), notes the paradox (he's still wearing Bender's $800 suit jacket), and a black Atari T-shirt. They get along oddly well. He explains she needn't worry - he has a nice townhouse (no phone or TV) - and leaves her at the station. Then five thugs grab him and drag him into a "Toys 'R' Fun" truck. Morris explains the "Lojack" in his nose and that, 20 minutes ago, a former Green Beret, divorced, no kids, died in a skiing accident. "Shall we call for your understudy?" he asks. The struggling Wiseman shakes his head wildly: "No, I want to live!" At the Wiseman residence, Lisa asks Heather if she remembers Daddy's shoe size. It was 12. In a city hotel, a housekeeping maid doesn't notice the fallen "do not disturb" tag, and gets no response to her knocks. Entering and pushing open the bathroom door, she startles a man wearing a gas mask, causing him to drop an egg. Gathering up the remaining eggs and the syringe he'd been using to inject them, he passes her corpse, out into the hallway and elevator, already filled with victims. TO BE CONTINUED. /** *********************************************************************** * Errata * ********************************************************************* */ Issue 1.1: In "Relic Hunter", Tia Carrere's character is named Sydney Fox, not Folkes. It premiered on a Saturday, the 25th of September, not the 24th. /** *********************************************************************** * Legalese * Acknowledgments * Opt-in/out Instructions * ********************************************************************* */ All books, movies, television shows, toys and other creative works reviewed or analyzed herein are the property of their respective copyright holders. No infringement is expressed, implied or intended. The original reviews and analyses are themselves copyright 1999 by Phillip Thorne. Some data has been reprocessed via upcomingmovies.com and aint-it-cool-news.com. If not for the existence of television shows, some of them good, others really really bad, Phillip would be forced to fill this newsletter with something else. You're receiving this newsletter because you're a friend, former classmate and/or former or current coworker of Phillip Thorne, or have specifically subscribed to it. To receive the fourth and subsequent issues, send an email message to pethorne@earthlink.net with the words "SUBSCRIBE NON-SEQUITUR" or 'subscribe nonsequitur' in the subject line and/or body. To stop subscribing, s/subscribe/unsubscribe/ig. Capitalization and punctuation doesn't matter. /** *********************************************************************** * ************************************************************************ * The Non-Sequitur Express * Volume 1, Issue 3: Friday 22 October 1999 * Copyright 1999 Phillip Thorne * ************************************************************************ * ********************************************************************* */