/** *********************************************************************** * ************************************************************************ * The Non-Sequitur Express * News from the strange land wherein Phillip Thorne dwells * Published weekly, or whenever Phil gets around to it * * Volume 1, Issue 1: Friday 8 October 1999 * ************************************************************************ * ********************************************************************* */ In this issue: UPCOMING: EFC season 3, Weird-Ohs, FoxKids, Voyager NEW SERIES: Roughnecks: Starship Trooper Chronicles NEW SERIES: Mission Hill NEW EPISODE: Big Guy and Rusty the Boy Robot, Episode 1 NEW EPISODE: Relic Hunter, Episode 1 plus Legalese, acknowledgements and opt-out instructions /** *********************************************************************** * Upcoming * Series, Seasons, Episodes, Movies * ********************************************************************* */ The third season premiere of GENE RODDENBERRY'S EARTH: FINAL CONFLICT airs on WPHL-17 (WB) on Saturday 9 October at 16:00. Do the invading Volunteers transform American's population into drones? Does Lily succeed in destroying the Taelon mothership and the captured Resistance members aboard? Do Liam, Augur and Jonathan Doors survive the attack of a helicopter gunship? What happens to CyberLily and Augur Jr.? See also www.earthfinalconflict.com/. Mainframe Entertainment's latest computer-animated series, WEIRD-OHS, premieres on the Fox Family Channel on Saturday 9 October at 12:00. They bill it as their entry into "the world of squash-and-stretch animation," but the characters look awfully hideous to me. See also www.mainframe.ca/. On FoxKids Saturday, 9 October: SHERLOCK HOLMES IN THE 22ND CENTURY, episode 104, 08:00 (animated + cgi) GODZILLA: THE SERIES, episode 204, 08:30 (animated) XYBER 9: NEW DAWN, episode 104, 09:30 (animated + cgi) SPIDER-MAN UNLIMITED, episode 102, 10:00 (animated) BEAST MACHINES TRANSFORMERS, episode 104, 11:00 (cgi) BIG GUY AND RUSTY THE BOY ROBOT, episode 104, 11:30 (animated) Upcoming episodes of STAR TREK VOYAGER: Vgr Non sequitur 205 f 1008-1900 Harry never joined Voyager. rVgr Barge of the dead 603 z 1009-1800 B'Elanna saves mom from hell. Vgr Cathexis 112 m 1011-1900 Chakotay OOB, Tuvok possessed. Vgr Persistence of vision 208 t 1012-1900 Field makes crew delusional. Vgr Scientific method 407 w 1013-1900 Experimented on by invis aliens. *Vgr Tinker tenor doctor spy 604 w 1013-2100 Doc; crew gets love bug. Vgr Waking moments 413 r 1014-1900 Aliens from dreamspace. Vgr Parallax 103 f 1015-1900 Stuck in a space anomaly. rVgr Tinker tenor doctor spy 604 z 1016-1800 ibid Vgr The chute 303 m 1018-1900 Harry, Tom in alien prison. Vgr Distant origin 323 t 1019-1900 Dinos left Earth 20My ago. Vgr Demon 424 w 1020-1900 Alien slime copies crew. /** *********************************************************************** * New Series * ROUGHNECKS: STARSHIP TROOPER CHRONICLES * Premiered 30 August 1999 * Distributed by BKN * Philadelphia: weekdays 15:00, on channel WGTW-48 (independent) * ********************************************************************* */ 1. Premise In Operation Pest Control, Earth's Mobile Infantry and Federal Fleet decisively defeated a Bug incursion against research outposts on the planet Pluto. Two years later, the Bugs are back -- in force -- but SICON (the Strategically Integrated Coalition of Nations) is confident they can once again be beaten back easily. Robert Higgins is a newbie telejournalist assigned by FedNet to cover the eight-member (counting him) Alpha Squad of the Mobile Infantry -- Razak's Roughnecks. The squad includes four veterans of OPC: Sgt.Francis Brutto, Doc and Gossard (who pilot the squad's "Marauder" mecha); and Lt.Gene Razak, who lost his arm during his first solo command in OPC, retired to teaching, then re-upped. There are also three rookies: classmates (and Razak's students) Pvt."Dizzy" Flores, Pvt.Carl Jenkins (special ops "brain boy") and Pvt.Johnny Rico ("he's the one to watch," notes Higgins' commentary). Multiple conflicts drive the episodes: maverick Rico and overenthusiastic Flores test Razak's patience. Rico pines over highschool prom queen, now Fleet pilot, Lt.Carmen Ibanez, who also attracts the attention of her trainer, Lt.Zack Barcalow. Flores is jealous of Ibanez since Rico treats *her* like a kid sister, and cultivates the attentions of wisecracking Gossard. Loudmouth Brutto continually distrusts Jenkins' psychic abilities. Timid Higgins, lacking the others' combat training, desperately attempts to fit in. The squad is continually stretched to the limit by the demands of the SICON brass. 2. Analysis Although the characters are taken from the 1997 Paul Verhoeven film, the military dimension more closely follows Heinlein's original novel. Four of the Bug types from the film (Warrior, Hopper, Tanker and Plasma) are back, albeit redesigned, and the SICON forces encounter progressively more dangerous types -- Cliff Mites, Atomic Blasters, acid-spitting Blister bugs, amphibious Kamikaze Ripplers, and the massive Mothership bug. Once the war front moves from Pluto to other stars, the Bug ally race called the Skinnies join the fray. The Roughnecks wear power armor and deploy in dropsuits from dropships. This is not a happy-fun-good-guys-always-win series like some military- themed cartoons; "G.I.Joe" or "The Transformers," for instance. The lighting is dark, the predominant colors are green and black, and the mood is downright *grim* most of the time. The Bugs have overwhelming numbers, the MI take heavy casulaties, personal relations are shoehorned into brief lulls between sorties. The overwhelming human gore of the film is mercifully absent or off-screen, but injuries are not uncommon. If all goes to plan, the eight 5-episode miniarcs will see the death of several main characters. 3. Production The creative team is the one responsible for the animated series "Project G.eeK.eR." (1996), "Extreme Ghostbusters" (1997), "Men in Black: the Series" (1997), "Godzilla: the Series" (1998) and "Big Guy and Rusty the Boy Robot" (1999). Like the above, none of the episodes have onscreen titles; but unlike them, "Roughnecks" is fully computer-animated, and follows a three- act format, rather than teaser-plus-three-acts. Executive producer, the ubiquitous Richard Raynis. Coexecutive producer, Jeff Kline. Producer, Audu Paden. Creatures and characters by Fil Barlow (any relation to the SF artist?), highly effective music by Jim Latham and Wayne Boon. Story editor, Marsha F. Griffin. Several debacles have marred the premiere of the series. Although only six episodes were "in the can," the distributor (BKN, the Bohbot Kids Network) sold "Roughnecks" as a "stripped" series -- one shown five days a week. BKN also sold it to the Sci-Fi Channel, for which it hadn't the authority, leading to owner Sony's rapid yanking from SFC. Finally, one of the two CGI production companies (Flat Earth, effects house for "Hercules: the Legendary Journeys") withdrew (possibly when Sony's payments didn't cover its expenses), leaving Foundation Imaging ("Babylon 5", "Hypernauts", "Star Trek Voyager") to take up the slack. (Relayed from aint-it-cool-news.com.) 4. Episodes thus far aired m 30-Aug Freefall t 31-Aug Plasma bugs of Navarone w 1-Sep Handle with care r 2-Sep Stranded w 8-Sep Of flesh and steel m 13-Sep Basic training t 21-Sep Pluto and beyond w 22-Sep Deep trouble r 30-Sep Water, water everywhere /** *********************************************************************** * New Series * MISSION HILL * Sneak preview 24 September 1999, premieres 8 October 1999 * Distributed by The WB * Philadelphia: Fridays 20:00, on channel WPHL-17 WB * ********************************************************************* */ Do you enjoy intersibling violence, foul language, gross-out sexual humor and bizarre-looking animation in stomach-turning pastel colors? Then watch WB's new animated series "Mission Hill." Otherwise, don't. The only redeeming part of the sneak-preview pilot episode was the comment by two highschoolers upon arriving at a party: "We don't need alcohol to have fun, not when we have the 'Babylon Five' collectible card game." And the two most unneeded lines: "And these are my designs for an animated series." "Another one? Seems like everyone and his brother has one now." /** *********************************************************************** * New Episode * BIG GUY AND RUSTY THE BOY ROBOT * Episode 1: (no title screen), 18 September 1999 * * Series premiered 18 September 1999 * Distributed by FoxKids Network * Philadelphia: Saturdays 11:30, on channel WTXF-29 FOX * ********************************************************************* */ 1. Synopsis For ten years, America has been protected from any number of alien invasions by the US Army's BGY-11 robot, darling of the media and deliverer of lines like "No not-of-this-Earth surgical-probe-wielding invaders are gonna deprive this nation's children of even one glass of wholesome, bone- nourishing milk!" But now, the Big Guy's being decommissioned and replaced by a diminutive, AI-driven nucleoproton-driven robot called Rusty. In fact, Big Guy was merely a "fancy tank" secretly piloted by LT.DUANE HUNTER, and only now has Quark Industries been able to deliver on its original promise: a true robot. Rusty's debut has been rushed by Quark's new CEO, DR.AXEL DONOVAN (and his talking monkey, JENNY), over the objections of his builder, DR.ERICA SLATE, that he's not fully trained. Then a giant grey wasp-waisted ogre-like creature dubbed "The Annihilator" drops from the sky and terrorizes New Tronic City. The enthusiastic Rusty is immediately dispatched -- by Quark, *and* by the monster. (SPLAT. Fortunately, he has no pain receptors.) The BGY-11 team rushes to retrieve Big Guy's parts from the museum -- efforts noted by the disconsolate Rusty, who's cheered by the prospect of working with his hero. "The Big Guy works alone," insists Hunter flatly. "How would *he* know?" wonders the boy robot. Reassembled, repowered, and reunited with his dirigible-shaped custom assault ship, Big Guy launches from his aircraft carrier base. Despite his best efforts, however, the Annihilator is resistant to his weapons. And despite *his* best efforts, Rusty just can't aim straight. Having jettisoned his alien-ooze-corroded forearm ("Sometimes a soldier's gotta say a farewell to arms"), Big Guy grabs Rusty, pops off his feet, and plugs him into the socket. A devastating barrage of nucleoprotonic power finally dissolves the invader. "Thank Henry Ford for standardized parts," he quips before rushing off without speaking to the adoring Rusty. Days later, the BGY-11 Committee officially recommissions Big Guy -- but the commanding general informs the reluctant Hunter he'll be taking on a new partner. "I can't believe we'll be working together!" gushes Rusty when beckoned over. "Neither can I, kid. Neither can I." 2. Production The creative team is the one responsible for the animated series "Project G.eeK.eR." (1996), "Extreme Ghostbusters" (1997), "Men in Black: the Series" (1997), and "Godzilla: the Series" (1998). "Big Guy" continues this group's distinctive animation style -- very clean lines, subtle colors with adequate shading, stylized humans and highly stylized gear and monsters. /** *********************************************************************** * New Episode * RELIC HUNTER * Episode 1: (no title screen), Saturday 25 September 1999 * * Series premiered Satudary 25 September 1999 * Syndicated * Philadelphia: Saturdays 23:00, on channel WPHL-17 WB * ********************************************************************* */ MARVEL as Tia Carrere pretends to be Indiana Jones! GOGGLE as she parades about in skimpy outfits! STARE as her new British teaching assistant bumbles along behind her! VISIT exotic locales that look exactly like the forest outside Vancouver! 1. Synopsis Nepal, 523bc -- the Buddha Siddhartha is passing out coins to needy villagers, taking them from his magic begging bowl that is always filled with what you need most. Later a villager tries to steal it, but he explains: "that is not what you need." Then he tosses it down a waterfall. Present Day -- Cambridge (UK) graduate NIGEL BAILEY arrives at Trinity College (US) for his first day as teaching assistant to PROFESSOR SYDNEY FOLKES (Tia Carrere), passing through her office and meeting her assistant, CLAUDIA. ("For her, history begins and ends with Marilyn," Folkes later confides to him. "Monroe?" "Manson.") He steps into her lecture to discover her (adorned in scarlet bikini, grass skirt and feathers) demonstrating a Polynesian war dance with a quartet of burly spear-wielding, drum-pounding males. Then she throws a spear at the doorframe. Moments later, a trio of representatives from the Nepalese village of Kushnagar arrive, bearing a 150-year-old map and seeking Folke's services in locating the legendary Buddha's Bowl so that they may build a shrine around it. She immediately accepts and drags Bailey with her to Asia. Meanwhile in Hong Kong, a SCHMUCK is offering his services to MICHAEL CHAN, who must soon reveal to his father that his loose lifestyle has run the family's respected trading company into the ground. Schmuck (a former associate of Folkes) is also on the trail of Buddha's Bowl (the Kushnagari delegation approached him first, but he wasn't impressed by their offering of antique coins). Arriving in a Nepalese bar, Folkes jettisons Bailey while she sneaks into the adjacent bikeshop. Consulting the map, she removes a loose brick from the wall, opening it to reveal a koi-shaped cavity -- empty. She returns to the bar and finds, not just Bailey gambling, but also a smug Schmuck (who addresses her as "sweet cheeks"), who's already pilfered the koi statuette from the brick (also Bailey's wristwatch). A tussle attracts the local police (terrifying Bailey with the prospect of Nepalese jail), but she feigns illness, punches out the guards, grabs her T.A. when he doesn't realize she should follow, and runs out. Grabbing some local garb from the marketplace they board the train to the next waypoint. Once there, they get in a horse-drawn cart -- driven by the Schmuck, who dumps them. He arrives at the village and tries to bargain for information on how the koi is to be used. No response -- because Folkes has gotten there first. She retrieves the statuette and appends it to a local fountain (it's obviously missing one, since it only has seven, an unlucky number), causing it to drain and reveal a map. Soon the duo's climbing through the mountains, looking for a particular arrangement of trees and a buddha statue. They don't notice it at first -- it's a hundred feet tall and toppled. Climbing Buddha's nose, she activates his third eye, opening a door. Back in the village, the Schmuck tries to negotiate his release; the headman recognizes and accepts his Nokia 6100 Digital celphone. (The exchange is included merely to facilitate a later gag in which Michael Chan arrives in the village, tries to phone the Schmuck, and the headman sitting next to him picks up the call. Yeah, like Nepal's wired for cellular.) Inside the Buddha's corridors (which are now upright), Folkes has to overcome her fear of roaches. (She's *so* unlike Indy.) Then the Schmuck follows her in. Then Chan. They avoid traps. The first three find the Buddha's Bowl, but the chamber closes and starts filling with sand. The Schmuck admits he is one, and explains the "Sweet Cheeks" reference. (On a former collaboration, Folkes had been stung in the posterior by a wasp, and the only analgesic available was marmalade.) Then she figures that if they chant really loudly, they can activate a lever on the ceiling, draining the sand. Yay! They're saved! They get the bowl! Siddhartha shows up in the flesh! He gives the just-arrived-Chan the bowl, but nothing happens -- forcing him to face his father. The Schmuck races after him, begging to be paid. Then the Buddha gives Folkes the bowl for the shrine, and vanishes. Leaving, Bailey confesses he was overwhelmed by the whole adventure. Then his watch appears in the bowl -- he didn't *need* it, but he needed to *know* he didn't need it. Everybody's happy! /** *********************************************************************** * Legalese * Acknowledgments * Opt-out Instructions * ********************************************************************* */ All books, movies, television shows, toys and other creative works reviewed or analyzed herein are the property of their respective copyright holders. No infringement is expressed, implied or intended. The original reviews and analyses are themselves copyright 1999 by Phillip Thorne. If not for the existence of television shows, some of them good, others really really bad, Phillip would be forced to fill this newsletter with something else. You're receiving this newsletter because you're a friend, former classmate and/or former or current coworker of Phillip Thorne. If you'd prefer not to receive any further issues, send an email message to pethorne@earthlink.net with the words "UNSUBSCRIBE NON-SEQUITUR" or 'unsubscribe nonsequitur' in the subject line and/or body. No, capitalization doesn't matter, nor do how many or what sort of quote marks you include, or if there's a hyphen in the second word. /** *********************************************************************** * ************************************************************************ * The Non-Sequitur Express * Volume 1, Issue 1: Friday 8 October 1999 * Copyright 1999 Phillip Thorne * ************************************************************************ * ********************************************************************* */